Your worst advice in 2 sentences or less.

And Tabasco as a lube can really enhance one's sex life.

Yeah? I'm going to have to go out and get some and try it! I was going out for some Lindt anyways. (Hmm, wonder how they go together?)

(Hmm, wonder how they go together?)

Hot Chocolate, of course!

  Good one, George

My worst advice... move house and rely on someone else to get the internet connected...

Right on Cassnadra especially if u have one computer which is Linux and the other which has Windows interface in Hebrew=you should have seen the expression on the China mobile guy's face 

Right on Cassnadra especially if u have one computer which is Linux and the other which has Windows interface in Hebrew=you should have seen the expression on the China mobile guy's face 

LMFAO ... poor bastard! 

- If a Chinese policeman approaches you and asks for your passport, yell in his face that you are a superior white man, your ancestors wrote the Treaty of Nanking, you and don't need no stinkin' papers, then give him a shove or a slap. Chinese policemen truly respect and admire people who defy them in any way, especially foreigners.

- As the olympic torch is carried down the road, don't be afraid to run up and grab it from the local hero and then abscond with it for a hundred meters. They will assume you just want to show your enthusiasm and applaud you.

- The best way to enjoy the ambiance of Tee-ahn-ah-menn Skware in Bay-geeng is to sit down in a lotus position with a can of gas (petrol), do some F-G hand motions while praising the Dollee Lamma-Ling-Long, and wave a flag with Taiwan on one side and Japan on the other. Everyone will rush over to pay money to take a picture with you.

When showing up late for class because you are drunk, remember that it's polite to bring enough baijiu with you to get all of your students drunk too.  Bring a little extra in case your bosses happen to wander by.

When your science teacher asks you to explain your answer to a concept, instead of using deductive logic and scientific proof, simply respond with "The Chinese teacher says so!"

(True story.)

Don't bother reading the contract from your school before signing. You can be sure all is fine and there will be no surpises about make-up classes or salary issues. 

if, like me, china gives you (hugely) erratic bowel movements, fear not! there are toilets everywhere! you can rest assured you WILL find a toilet in time, thats not the issue, however....

Don't worry, since squat toilets are easy for anyone to master, even on the very first try.

I have a friend named EL.  

I have a friend named EL.  

And he always gives GREAT advice!