Jokes from my trashbin

 

Thanks A-Train! I really appreciate a good laugh. I really miss people telling jokes like they used to years ago. The only person who tells me a joke now is the lady in charge of the cleaning staff at the Casino. I'll pass this one on to her if I see her today.

Tell her this one Granny, Critical Thinking At Its Best !
 
 
Woman:  Do you drink beer?
 
Man: Yes

Woman:  How many beers a day?

Man:  Usually about 3

Woman:  How much do you pay per beer?

Man: $5.00 which includes a tip

Woman:  And how long have you been drinking?

Man:  About 20 years, I suppose

Woman:  So a beer costs $5 and you have 3 beers a day which puts your spending each month at $450. In one year, it would be approximately $5400 …correct?

Man:  Correct

Woman:  If in 1 year you spend $5400, not accounting for inflation, the past 20 years puts your spending at $108,000, correct?

Man:  Correct

Woman:  Do you know that if you didn't drink so much beer, that money could have been put in a step-up interest savings account and after accounting for compound interest for the past 20 years, you could have now bought a Ferrari?

Man:  Do you drink beer?

Woman:  No

Man:  Where's your Ferrari?

I have a World Class BUTT!!  Yes, I'm sure!   How do I know>  Well, every time I've been chatting with people, and I turn to leave, I hear them say, "What an ASS!"

I have a World Class BUTT!!  Yes, I'm sure!   How do I know>  Well, every time I've been chatting with people, and I turn to leave, I hear them say, "What an ASS!"

A little bit of this / a little bit of that

 

Good one Day Dreamer. She will get a laugh out of that one.

One of today's emails, from an Aussie friend...

This morning I was in luck and was able to buy two boxes of "VIC BITTER" cheap at the local bottle o. I placed the boxes on the front seat and headed back home. I stopped at a service station where a drop-dead gorgeous blonde in a short skirt was filling up her car at the next pump.

She glanced at the two boxes of beer, bent over and leaned in my passenger window, and said in a sexy voice, "I'm a big believer in barter, handsome. Would you be interested in trading sex for beer?" ...

I thought for a few seconds and asked, "What kind of beer 'ya got?"

 (Spoken like a true Aussie)

  Love that one Pashley!

That was pretty good

so what kind did she have?

LEGAL AGE:

The local Policeman was checking out the local lover's lane just before Midnight, when he spotted a car. He noticed that the interior light was on and that there were two people inside. On further investigation he observed a young bloke reading a paper and a young lady sitting beside him and filing her nails. Wondering what they were up to and if they were doing anything illegal,he knocked on the car window and the young guy rolled it down.
"How old are you young man?" asked the Policeman.

"I'm 22 yrs old Sir" he replied.

"And how old is the young lady?" he asked.

The young man checked his watch; "She will be 18yrs old in 10minutes time Sir!"

An attractive young lady waves to a guy in the Supermarket and she smiles and says hello.
 He's rather taken aback because he can't place where he knows her from, so he asks "Do you know me?" She replies, "I think that you are the father of one of my children"
His mind goes back to the only time that he was unfaithful to his wife. He asks, "Are you the stripper from the bachelor party, that I made love to on the pool table, with all my mates watching,while your partner whipped my butt with wet celery?".
She looks into his eyes calmly and says "No, I'm your son's teacher".

 

A friend who's in liquor production,
Has a still of astounding construction,
The alcohol boils,
Through old magnet coils,
He says that it's proof by induction.

Curtesy of ChinaSmack:

Young Li wants to emigrate to the United States,
The leader asks him: “Are you unsatisfied with your wages?”
Young Li says: “I am satisfied.”
“Are you unsatisfied with your housing?”
“Satisfied”
“So are you unsatisfied with the internet environment?”
“Also satisfied”
“Satisfied with health care, education, and all that?”
“All satisfied!”
“Since you are satisfied with all of these things, why do you still want to emigrate?”
“Because not being satisfied is allowed there!”