In the wake of devastating earthquakes, many members of the People's Liberation Army, always ready in times of need, have volunteered for a more personal and heartfelt role in the development of Great and Green China. Zhang Feng, pictured, leads the way.
As is suitable Zhang and his team, employing the simple yet moral technological axiom, "take from the West what is good and discard what is bad", and long aware of the traditional British oligarchy's habit of hanging their dead from the castle walls, have developed a revolutionary method both for the early warning of impending disaster and the simple fortification of all new buildings. Seen pictured preparing for his new role as human foundation stone for a classroom in Northern Sichuan, Zhang Feng and three colleagues, along with seven auxiliary battalions of the PLA, will be hammered into the ground at critical wall junctures on all four sides of any new building. This architectural innovation is known simply as the "English" Corner. It is understood that while both holding up one whole side of a building and warmly exhorting our young people to study hard, should these brave and selfless soldiers feel any tremor or vibration, they will also call out loudly to warn the little scholars and encourage them to run.
Zhang, shortly after his first structural impact examination, was interviewed by a Reuters correspondent. When asked about the experience, Zhang appeared to sink deep into thought. "What's your lane?" he asked, dazed.
Our correspondent bore Zhang's wandering middle distance gaze stoically, perhaps reminded by Zhang's mere presence that there are worse things than miscommunication. Then Zhang appeared suddenly to wake up. "How about Chinese?" he asked.
Our correspondent was moved, but declined.
Other advances in modern structural engineering include the "Fire Alarm", which includes screaming when burnt by fire, and "CCTV", aka lounging around a supermarket for 12 hours a day, or, as seen on actual TV, one vcd player + a video camera = a national broadcaster.