The Bar Room > The Love, Marriage and Family Board (ON-TOPIC)
Mission: Second Honeymoon
Escaped Lunatic:
It was a mission of exploration.
It was a mission of mercy.
It was a mission of shopping.
It was a mission of bhbhbhbhbh afafafafaf
And all rolled into one, it was Mission: Second Honeymoon.
First, the exploration part. I've almost never been to Hunan. I've ridden trains through it and even changed trains a couple of times. Even though that meant changing train stations, that's kind of like riding from LaGuardia to JFK and saying you've visited New York City. Finally, I was going to get to see a little of Hunan.
Day 1 (Sept 20): I didn't get to see much. We took the once/week flight from Guangzhou to Tongren. (Which I didn't even find out was in Guizhou until I was flying out - Now I've got a brand new province I almost never been to. llllllllll) We arrived after dark. My lovely wife had already arranged for a driver to meet us (I still had to wade through a pack of other drivers intend on taking me for a ride somewhere). Amazingly, there were no travel snags or drunken, vomiting passengers with us (aaaaaaaaaa), unlike on our first honeymoon. ahahahahah
On the road from the Tongren airport to Feng Huang (Phoenix town), I could still make out the traditional architecture in many of the buildings. After so many sad attempts to capture good photos of these from trains, I was finally going to get a chance to get up close and personal with building styles I've only been able to see from a distance. agagagagag
Feng Huang is more or less two pieces. There's the old town, beautiful, but also a giant tourist trap, and everything else. Our first hotel (for some reason, I've found it impossible to get through a honeymoon without a hotel change) was in the everything else zone. The hotel room was large, but plain and lacked a lot of amenities. However, the staff was very accommodating, even adding a wireless hub to our room so that we could both do our jobs each morning without getting caught in a web of network cables before moving on to other activities. One slight oddity. The room had a Windows based PC with a tower case - complete with an Apple logo on the front. mmmmmmmmmm
Just to keep us from getting lonely, more than 20 friends showed up and were staying in that hotel or others nearby. No, it wasn't a second honeymoon orgy (but I really should do some research on that concept before we have a 3rd honeymoon afafafafaf). It was other members of MilliCharity joining us for the Mission of Mercy phase of the trip.
AMonk:
agagagagag So far, so good bfbfbfbfbf Awaiting your next installment bjbjbjbjbj
Escaped Lunatic:
Day 2: Getting everyone's act together.
MilliCharity is a Dongguan charity group currently celebrating it's 25th year of sponsoring poor children's education (and occasionally building houses and school buildings). For the last 15 years, the areas in and around Feng Huang have been part of that mission. This was the 100th trip to Feng Huang by our founder, Uncle Zhuang.
The basic plan is usually the same. Load up a ton of candy and some clothing and other items for the kids, travel to the schools (together or else separating into subgroups to cover more territory more quickly), keep any members of the press as happy as possible, and let individual sponsors get to meet their kids.
The one drawback I've noticed in things from Dongguan is that Cantonese people love to discuss, contemplate, rehash, and reschedule just about everything. It's endearing knowing that I'll be entertained for at least 2 hours if I visit a neighbor for a quick cup of tea. It's also just a tiny bit less than efficient.
So, off we went to buy candy. Happily, this wasn't as bad as it could have been, since Uncle Zhuang knew where to go to have crateloads delivered to the hotel. After a quick (Cantonese quick, not really quick ahahahahah) lunch, everything got delivered to the hotel.
Since there were more than enough people to fill candy bags in a maelstrom of sweet and chewy chaos, and most of them had been there before, my darling wife and I shirked our duty and slipped away to wander the local neighborhood. One thing I noticed about a small, but surprisingly significant percentage of the Hunan girls - they were . . . top heavy. VERY top heavy. To get the image, start from the bottom and slowly pan upward - pretty petite Chinese feet, lovely slender legs, beautiful, yet modestly curved hips, a perfect narrow waist, and then . . . YOWZA!!! WHERE DID THOSE COME FROM?!? I was wondering if there was a Chinese version of a Dolly Parton impersonator convention going on somewhere in town.
Later, we ended up hooking up with a few members of the charity group in the evening. The destination - one of the schools inside Feng Huang's old town.
There was an issue. Someone in the local government seems to have caught a greed infection from theme parks and decided to apply this - to raise money for fixing up the old town. There are gates and guards all around the old town and one is supposed to spend 148 RMB for an annual pass.
The result - far fewer tourists. A later interrogation of a local restaurant owner indicated that business was way down since the gate fees were added.
The good news - boldly stride past the guards like you know what you are doing and most of the guards won't bother you (seemed to apply equally to the few other foreigners there as well as to local and non-local Chinese). You can also ask a local tour guide to point out some unguarded entrances.
So, we all plowed past the guards without our passes and headed to the school. After meeting with the sponsored children, giving them candy, money from sponsors for the new term, and a few other odds and ends, there was a group photo. The advantage/disadvantage of being the only foreigner in the group is that I get asked to be (and if that fails, dragged) to the front and center of each pic, usually right next to Uncle Zhuang. Kind of makes me feel a little guilty sometimes - He's been doing this for 25 years and has sponsored hundreds of children and donated uncounted piles of money. I only started helping out the group 4 years ago. I sponsor 4 kids and have made a few donations for other projects. Ah well, if showing off my pretty face helps get more attention for the cause, I'll do what's needed. Plus, I long ago admitted that I'm a whore for attention. ahahahahah
After the school, a few of us separated, with a local tour guide. She was not just a tour guide. When she was a student, she was sponsored by Millicharity and now is a member of the organization.
Feng Huang's old town isn't that complicated - if you have one of the little tourist maps and if you aren't running around for the first time in the dark. Later, it would all make sense, but at the time, I was completely lost.
Like all good tourist traps, there were tons of shops. I held off on buying anything other than some water, since I wanted to learn my way around first and to get some clue about the prices. I did manage to get some reasonably adequate photos of some artwork that was out of my price range.
One unusual sight to see was standing across the river from Bar Street (I'm beginning to think a "Bar Street" is automatically installed in any Chinese city above a certain size). It's dark. Both the right and left hand views include majestic bridges, and directly across are what should be excellent examples of classic Chinese architecture - except that all are brightly outlined in glowing neon, have bright, pulsating lights and loud, pulsating music pouring out of every window.
On the way out, I spotted the strangest little creatures in small cages outside some of the restaurants. They looked like extra-large, semi-fluffy gray guinea pigs. When asked what one was, the restaurant employees all said it was a kind of rat.
Escaped Lunatic:
Day 3: Awards and some amazing little girls
Since this was the 15th anniversary of Millicharity's involvement in the town, as well as the 100th trip to visit, the local powers that be had arranged a ceremony to thank Uncle Zhuang and other members of the group.
In the morning, we all donned our new shirts (complete with Chinglish mistranslation of the slogan that I had previously given a correct translation of for some vests worn on another trip llllllllll) and walked to a school near the hotels.
There, we gathered and listened to lengthy speeches by various government and education officials. There was also a video complete with pictures of Uncle Zhuang when he first came to Feng Huang (Now we all what he looked like before he went gray). Amazingly, Uncle Zhuang's 5 minute speech only ran 7 minutes. ahahahahah Then there were some short speeches by some people who had been sponsored as children. One is now an English teacher. agagagagag
Finally, the award part came. Uncle Zhuang got a very nice trophy and was awarded an honorary citizenship in Feng Huang. Those who had been in the group and made many trips got a lower level awards. Finally, there was the 3rd rank of awards that somehow I qualified for. I've got a nice certificate, complete with my Chinese name as well as a glass crystal heart-shaped thank-you plaque for being such a nice guy. ababababab
I do really like those items, but I got something a million times better after the thank-you lunch.
We piled into vans for our first trip out into the countryside. Oooohhh.... native Miao and Tujia territory. ajajajajaj Sadly no one was singing. ananananan
When we arrived at the first primary school, I tried to find out if this was the school where one of the girls I sponsor goes. My wife asked and there was some confusion on the point. While the sponsorees were being rounded up, I found myself in the schoolyard surrounded by about 80 or 90 kids. It was fun at first, but then the boys decided they should take turns shoving their friends to force them into physical contact with this strange foreign creature who had invaded their territory. So, every time I looked one way, some hapless boy got slammed into my from the other side. When I turned around to see what was happening, some other kid would get shoved into me from the other direction. I decided that I'd make a habit of keeping my back to one of the vans or a wall at future school visits on the trip.
I got in a quick interview with someone from a local Feng Huang TV station. It was awkward, since I didn't yet know if my girl would be there. Finally, all the kids were in one place, but I couldn't get my lovely wife to look at the list. She was having too much fun uploading pics of kids getting smacked into me to her WeChat account from her cell phone.
Finally, I heard a name that sounded correct. There she was. akakakakak akakakakak akakakakak
How to describe her? Third grade, but so tiny and thin. She looked ready to play a waifish street urchin in Oliver Twist or Les Miserables, even down to the dirt smudged on her perfect little face. From her surprise (and thankfully only slight terror), I'm guessing she wasn't expecting a furry foreigner.
Eventually, I found out the reason no one was sure what school she was at. Somewhere closer to her house, there's a tiny little school that only does 1st and 2nd grade. She'd just started 3rd grade at the larger elementary school.
Things got even more entertaining - about half the group (including the TV reporter) piled back into some of the vehicles and we headed off to her house in a tiny little Miao village near the school.
One thing I love about China - no matter how far out in the boondocks I get, no matter how low-tech the area is, someone's always got a satellite dish (not my girl, but one of the neighbors). Who needs silly things like electricity and running water when you've got a direct hookup to space? xxxxxxxxxx
On the way to the house from as close as we could get the vans, my little girl lead. I have a suspicion that the reporter has a foot fetish. For some reason, he spent about 4 minutes trying to video her feet as she walked. Somehow, the most of the others lagged behind, so it was just me, her, and the reporter when we met her father. He seemed a little confused when the reporter introduced us. Then he said my wife's name - that cleared up the confusion of how he and the girl weren't expecting anyone quite like me to come calling. ahahahahah Since the sponsorship money is often sent by postal wire, it's infinitely easier for my wife to send it with her name on it.
The house was a traditional local structure, adequately sized for a family of 5, but was surprisingly lacking in one feature - interior walls. Instead, there were 3 curtained off beds (one for parents, one for the son, and 1 for the daughters). I got interviewed again, this time without the confusion about whether or not I was in the right place and with my little darling right there. ajajajajaj
Finally, sadly, it was time to leave. ananananan There was a local traditional laundry facility (flowing water and a flat surface) next to where we parked. I recalled that the entire time I'd been in Hunan, I was walking on asphalt, concrete, or stones. I finally stepped off the path and took my first step onto Hunan's soil while trying not to loose my balance and end up in the water next to the women doing their washing. I like to think of this as One small step for a Lunatic, one giant leap for all Lunatic kind. ahahahahah
At that point, I'd have been happy to declare victory and retreat to the hotel for a little celebratory bhbhbhbhbh
but the day was far from over. . .
The next stop only a few scary kilometers over sort-of roads away - a middle/high school.
This stop seemed a little less organized than most (perhaps "more fractal than most" would be an alternate way of expressing things ahahahahah) - either that or the school was waiting for certain classes to end instead of sending all the kids over at once.
So there we were, parked on one edge of the running track (for some unknown reason, the track was built out of dark gray gravel mixed with dark gray powder that would stick to everything - maybe it was really the school's winter supply of coal spread out in a big oval mmmmmmmmmm) with random kids coming up alone, in small groups, and in packs. As the crowd slowly grew, I was getting lots of "hellos" and "nice to meet you" statements, but no one seemed to really have any English skills above that. I conveniently kept my back to one of the vans, since I didn't want some kid almost as big as I am to get hurled against me.
I was chatting with the TV reporter (who spoke some English) when this one tall girl in the crowd got a bold look in her eyes, strode forward, and started speaking English about as well as the reporter did. We ended up having a very nice conversation and some of her friends also got brave enough to join in. Every now and then, I managed to lure my lovely wife close enough to translate words we got stuck on. Then came the question that anyone who doesn't want to spend an extra 8 hours per day tied into chat dreads getting from a pack of students - "What's your QQ number?"
Giving my QQ to one or two high school girls is something I can handle. By this point, I had a pack of 20 all yanking out pens to write down the number. aoaoaoaoao aoaoaoaoao aoaoaoaoao
Happily for me, I don't know my own QQ number or even my own phone number (it's not like I call my own mobile very often). What I failed to mention that both numbers were conveniently located in my phone. I did end up with a piece of paper with that first, very brave girl's contact info as well as one of her friends (both got QQ invites from me as soon as I got back to DG). Both were in the sponsored group, so when the time came for the group photos, for once, I wasn't standing next to Uncle Zhuang, but instead was off to one side with my own pack of very pretty fan girls. ababababab
Sadly, time ran out and we had to move on. ananananan But I'd made some wonderful new friends. akakakakak
Finally, there was one more middle school to visit in the evening. In this one, they kept us and the kids contained to one room (better organized, but much less fun). Then a few of us went out for another run around the old town. I was beginning to wonder if I'd ever see it in daylight or not.
We kept bumping into MilliCharity people in the hotel and in the old town. Uncle Zhang kept visiting schools for most of the week. I'd loved to have gone along, but he was leaving for the more remote ones in the morning when we had to work (normal people get vacations - for me, a vacation is working only 5 hours per day during ffffffffff). For me, this meant the Mission of Mercy was over.
Rain or shine, there were other missions to accomplish before the trip was over.
xwarrior:
I think your support for these students is awesome ...
agagagagag
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