• Home
  • Search
    •  
  • Login
    • Username: Password:

      Did you miss your activation email?

Author Topic: Why I love Chinese women...  (Read 9227 times)

English Gent

  • Barfly
  • *
  • Posts: 252
Re: Why I love Chinese women...
« Reply #60 on: July 08, 2013, 02:06:29 PM »
in my chinese extended family, my 'uncles' certainly drink and smoke, but none hit their wives (as the family units here are closer than alot in the uk, i believe them.) one auntie did get hit, the husband died a while ago, their daughter, suprise suprise, is determined to never have kids. so the abuse is there, but no more than anyother country imo. ve asked my wife many times, she says its just like anywhere, you could be unlucky, some will leave, some will stay.
im a child of such a situation in the uk so im keen to make sure everyone i meet knows its never ok. never 'shut up and put up'

A-Train

  • Barfly
  • *
  • Posts: 1275
Re: Why I love Chinese women...
« Reply #61 on: July 08, 2013, 06:28:01 PM »
Have no idea if it's more prevalent in China either.  But, one thing I've noticed is that the few times a man strikes a woman in public, bystanders look the other way.  If that happened here, the guy would be immediately seized upon.  Not necessarily beat up, but that's a distinct possibility. 

Hope I never witness this sort of event. I'd surely regret getting involved, but hate myself for not doing anything.  I have a friend who intervened successfully, but he looks Asian and there was not a huge crowd yet.  Otherwise....??
"The young do not know enough to be prudent, and therefore attempt the impossible and achieve it, generation after generation.

Pearl S. Buck

Stil

  • Barfly
  • *
  • Posts: 4800
    • ChangshaNotes
Re: Why I love Chinese women...
« Reply #62 on: July 08, 2013, 10:53:35 PM »
People don't intervene for fear of retribution not because they condone it in any way. It's not the immediate scene that they are worried about all the time either. The hitter's family and friends will all gather  and go after the person that intervened at a later time if necessary. The family will,deal,with the hitter as they say fit (sometimes nothing or blame the girl) but first you circle the wagons and protect your own. No matter the sins, he's family

Getting 'involved' here is a dicey situation for most expats, our gangs are not big enough.

Fear of retribution is the case for most situations where people don't get involved in what they know is wrong. Theif on a bus etc.

Granny Mae

  • Barfly
  • *
  • Posts: 3889
Re: Why I love Chinese women...
« Reply #63 on: July 08, 2013, 11:09:52 PM »
A-Train, my observations here are that most people seem to suffer from the Bystander Effect. I am not and never have been, one of them. I have to live with myself and I too would hate myself for doing nothing. When I look back over my life at the number of times that I have been the ONLY person to try to help someone in danger or in need of help, I understand why I don't really like humans. I guess I'm lucky to have grown up with six brothers and I learned to fight. It also helps to be an old lady as most folk don't expect an old fart to retaliate. ahahahahah When I observe the behaviour of some women, I can understand why someone would want to punch them out, but that doesn't make it right. To be honest, when some of the Asian women sit behind me in the Casino and cackle at the top of their voices in their own language, I'd love to flip a few under the ear, particularly when I've asked them nicely, to keep it down.

A-Train

  • Barfly
  • *
  • Posts: 1275
Re: Why I love Chinese women...
« Reply #64 on: July 08, 2013, 11:37:51 PM »
Yeah, I'm sure that the Bystander Effect is a part of it as is fear of retribution, but both of those traits exist here as well to some degree.  I can't help but think there is also something else going on.  When I've talked about situations similar to this with my g/f she always says I'd just be "making trouble". 

So, I can't help but think of the Chinese desire for harmony, (in a perverse way), comes into play.  I also wonder about the group/individual tendencies. You'd have to have a fairly strong ego, (in the best sense of the word), to step into a fray like that and that's not an overwhelming trait in the Chinese I've met.
"The young do not know enough to be prudent, and therefore attempt the impossible and achieve it, generation after generation.

Pearl S. Buck

English Gent

  • Barfly
  • *
  • Posts: 252
Re: Why I love Chinese women...
« Reply #65 on: July 09, 2013, 02:24:51 AM »
my chinese wife also confirms what you have said about public violence. she also said, particularly with men on men, they may look agressive, shout at eachother, get in eachothers face, but its more a 'his bark is worse than his bite', i.e they will rarely actually come to fisty cuffs. this is because their sense of anger is always mediated by their fear of authority. they know they will 'go away' for a while if they fight. unlike the uk, where they hardly argue before glassing eachother!
interesting then, men on men rarely fight, but men on women, in public, is somehow a lesser evil? just another aspect to add to the 'cultural differences' lesson.....

kitano

  • Barfly
  • *
  • Posts: 2472
    • Children of the Atom
Re: Why I love Chinese women...
« Reply #66 on: July 09, 2013, 02:45:27 AM »
I don't think that it's particularly Chinese it's just that it's still much more acceptable here, it's worse in Korea where it's pretty much standard to see some guy smack his girlfriend when they're out drinking but maybe a better example because China and Korea are closely related look at all of the stuff that you hear about in India and around there where the culture is totally different but that bit is the same.

A-Train

  • Barfly
  • *
  • Posts: 1275
Re: Why I love Chinese women...
« Reply #67 on: July 09, 2013, 05:20:26 AM »

...they will rarely actually come to fisty cuffs. this is because their sense of anger is always mediated by their fear of authority....


The stereotype seems to be that Southern Chinese clack at each other very easily but rarely come to blows but, Northern Chinese are more apt to take a poke at each other.  Not sure how true this is.
"The young do not know enough to be prudent, and therefore attempt the impossible and achieve it, generation after generation.

Pearl S. Buck

The Local Dialect

  • Global Moderator
  • *****
  • Posts: 3900
Re: Why I love Chinese women...
« Reply #68 on: July 09, 2013, 07:22:05 AM »

...they will rarely actually come to fisty cuffs. this is because their sense of anger is always mediated by their fear of authority....


The stereotype seems to be that Southern Chinese clack at each other very easily but rarely come to blows but, Northern Chinese are more apt to take a poke at each other.  Not sure how true this is.

Kind of true in my experience. In Beijing I've seen loads of fistfights. Even on the bus -- twice! On the subway too. I've seen way more people actually come to blows over really minor incidents than I ever did in Kunming. Down there people would yell and curse at each other, but eventually back off. Here they have really much shorter fuses.

English Gent

  • Barfly
  • *
  • Posts: 252
Re: Why I love Chinese women...
« Reply #69 on: July 09, 2013, 07:34:36 AM »
well, our experience is tianjin only, not much street violence here, i am no authority outside tj!

The Local Dialect

  • Global Moderator
  • *****
  • Posts: 3900
Re: Why I love Chinese women...
« Reply #70 on: July 09, 2013, 07:55:34 AM »
To your fear of authority point EG, I actually don't think that is really true. I feel like Chinese people are taught to obey authority, and they mostly do, but they certainly don't fear it or fear the law the way we do back home. There are way too many instances in most people's day to day lives where people have a blatant disregard for authority and get away with it that I think most people just do whatever they feel like doing regardless of the consequences. Of course, the reason they do this is because the consequences are largely nonexistant.

It is sort of a strange dichotomy, because most of the time what Chinese people seem to feel like doing is fitting in, going along with the crowd, and that can look like obedience to us, but if you look at say, the way people drive, or the way people cut corners with food safety, cheating on tests, or the massive official corruption, it is clear that most people do not really have enough fear of the law or the people enforcing the law for it to be a deterrant.

EG, once you've been here awhile longer you'll see some fights. They happen fairly regularly and the consequences are rarely significant for either party. The law is actually pretty loathe to get involved in "personal matters" and will try and mediate an agreement between both parties (usually someone paying the other person's medical bills) but you'd rarely see someone actually prosecuted for fighting. I've never seen someone "go away" for fighting, ever, and I've seen some doozies of fights.

I actually think that on a day to day level, most Chinese people fear their government much much less than most Westerners fear their own governments. I'm not talking dissidents of course, but your average citizens. The whole "healthy distrust of the government" mindset is just not really a part of their cultural education.

English Gent

  • Barfly
  • *
  • Posts: 252
Re: Why I love Chinese women...
« Reply #71 on: July 09, 2013, 02:38:22 PM »
TLD, i bow to your experience and wisdom! :respect:

A-Train

  • Barfly
  • *
  • Posts: 1275
Re: Why I love Chinese women...
« Reply #72 on: July 09, 2013, 04:18:31 PM »

It is sort of a strange dichotomy, because most of the time what Chinese people seem to feel like doing is fitting in, going along with the crowd, and that can look like obedience to us, but if you look at say, the way people drive, or the way people cut corners with food safety, cheating on tests, or the massive official corruption, it is clear that most people do not really have enough fear of the law or the people enforcing the law for it to be a deterrant.

I actually think that on a day to day level, most Chinese people fear their government much much less than most Westerners fear their own governments.


Yeah, I completely agree with this.  The Chinese seem to be much more obedient to social expectations in lieu of laws while it is the opposite in the WEST, (gross generalization, I know but more than a little truth to it).  A term that Dr. Hofstede uses is "Power Distance".  Asian countries are far more deferential to authority but if the legal system is not considered a very powerful institution, then it's not given much obedience. While family members, bosses and even teachers are considered credible authorities.
"The young do not know enough to be prudent, and therefore attempt the impossible and achieve it, generation after generation.

Pearl S. Buck

kitano

  • Barfly
  • *
  • Posts: 2472
    • Children of the Atom
Re: Why I love Chinese women...
« Reply #73 on: July 10, 2013, 01:16:11 AM »
China is very different to Japan and Korea with regards to this though

Again I'm not so sure that it's an 'Asian' thing, I think that a lot of the casual ignoring the laws in China is just because they have such awful law enforcement, southern European countries have similar mentalities towards the law as Chinese as in there isn't that faith in 'Rule of Law' etc that British, Americans, Germans etc have