-The ones I would take an Uzi to are the Chinese bands who play music in restaurants, usually two people, one with an electric piano and two microphones. I have been to several good restaurants in Hangzhou where they had these bands. They are all so loud that one could not make conversation.
People who play the same song over and over and over and over and over and over and over again.................. (you know what I mean)
The whole concept of toasting people. I don't know who started the tradition, but I wish they would PUH-LEEEZE stop it. I don't want to guzzle glass after glass of beer until I am foolish, pissing and incoherent. If you turn down their toast, they're feelings are hurt. This kind of drinking is dangerous. One Chinese New Years, we got into a violent fight after drinking way too much wine at a party and I was so sad for several weeks for what happened. Now when we go out, we usually stick with the beer, only because it is only 3% or less per volume.
Uzi the Siwo Beer Factory in Hangzhou. Nuff said.
That Mother Fulker who took my (Chinese) wife's beautiful straight, black hair, and permed and curled it, then colored it
brown. She likes it. I don't. She wont tell me who did it because she knows I will cut his thumbs off. (I like the straight black traditional hair, although I saw a hottie last night with a perm. Sometimes they are OK, mostly it's
The idea of having to work the weekend before May 1 or October 1 holiday. I've grown to accept it as a twice a year inconvience, but it still pisses me to work 7 to 9 straight days to get a week off. I have tried to explain the western system, but it never sinks in.
The excessive talking that Chinese do to question a simple request or command.
The person who gave my wife the notion that oral sex is unhygenic.
Whoever the asshole at McDonalds China who replaced pickles with CUCUMBERS! On that note, Uzi the General Manager of Carrefour for taking out my sweet pickles and canned baked beans, and moving all the exits around to force your customers through the crappy indoor shopping mall upstairs (Carre-
is in the basement.)
Is DaShan still around? I have a friend who recently went home who spoke excellent Chinese (and a speaker of Japanese and Korean to a good degree) and the Chinese usually told him that he was as good as Da Shan. I just hate the guy because he is rich and speaks better Chinese than me.
The people on West Lake who bother me wanting to solicit a "Massag-ie."
Those kids who hand out those stupid business cards on the street. Or basically anyone trying to beg or sell me stuff that I haven't solicited for.
Shoot the shopkeepers who wont leave me alone when I look at their things. No, I have no questions. No, I do not want that. Please ignore me. Same as eating out in a nice restaurant. When I walk into a restaurant and have two or three people following and shadowing me. Asking me if I want help and directing me to sit when I don't want to sit, and made to be an asshole when I don't sit. Many times I am meeting my wife or other people for lunch and hate when the staff follows me around like I am some intruder. I have been short with these people and told them to "Zou Kai!"
Going into a restaurant, being handed a menu and being shadowed by her presence while I am looking at the menu, and does not understand the concept of "Bring me my drink first and I'll look at the menu. We should Uzi the one waitress who offers one menu to four people.
Chou Dofu. If I was the Emperor of China, Chou Dofu would be outlawed.
Chinese television is awful
. I never watch it except with the wife. CCTV 9 is mostly a joke too. CCTV 9 was not created for foreigners, it was made for Chinese who speak English, hence the dull programming. Edwin Maher is still a pimp though.
People who shake those dice in the bar. Since the music is too loud for anyone to have an intellegent conversation, this inane, illogical, make up your own rules as you go along bull-
game is a good substitute.
People who get offended if I forget their name. Thanks for knowing my name, but I have'nt seen you for 4 months and I hardly know you to begin with.
Foreigners who speak Chinese to each other.
The Chinese distributor for Carlsburg Beer. Nobody drinks that shit outside the bars. People drink it in the bars (at least in Hangzhou) because it's the only one on tap at a reasonable price. (the unreasonable ones being the Trappist Monk bullshit ale and Irish Motor Oil)
The dude that takes the pictures of the nude girls you see in those plastic wrapped magazines at the airport. I'd kill him for his job.
Those apartment security guards who tell you that you can't use your apartment swimming pool except during the hours of 4 to 8 when there will be a 100 little yellow arseholes making the water more yellow with their pee.
The guy who said that Heaven was Hangzhou and Earth was Suzhou or whatever that phrase is. Hangzhou is good, but it's no Honolulu.
The inventor of the Squat toilet.
The people who brought Starbucks to China.
Two guys in Hangzhou. I can't do it. I'd get caught.