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[DC@54055]

Yes, I did have to look that word (assuage) up in the dictionary.

My Question: How do I smooth over a *working* relationship with a Chinese person. She doesn't like me (She actually says 我不喜欢你 to me) and her body language backs this up in class and out of class.

The reason she doesn't like me: I made her lose face. I was teaching class and I was teaching too far in the lesson plan. She told me this, but because I thought that I had clear evidence otherwise (and we were in the middle of class) I refused to listen to hear. Their was one other adult (TA) in the room and the rest were children (probably didn't understand what was going on)

I realized my faults after class was over and apologized. It was a mix of bad note taking on my part and forgetfulness on my part. There was also additional teaching material in my class that I referred to that made me think I was right. (Little did I know that the teaching material was printed by the school incorrectly)

I apologized to her (after that class) and she acknowledged. I gave her time to say what she wanted so that she could feel like she said her piece / peace. But that happened a week ago, and things still aren't right. I think that she somehow got one of her friends (another TA in a different class of mine) to now join in. I dont know how though because me and the new TA that she 'recruited' actually have/had a good working relationship. So frustrating 

So what do I do - Confront her directly? Just let it pass? I dont know what to do...

[Stil]

I'm not sure I understand the relationship between you two. She is your TA?

How old is she? Is she younger or older than you?

If a TA younger than me told me 我不喜欢泥, I wouldn't be trying to make her feel better at all.

[zero]

Is it possible you could do her?

[AMonk]

What about (in front of another native-speaker) asking her advice/counsel/input on another Lesson that you are "prepping for instruction"?  Incorporate her suggestions into your delivery, and then give her the credit when speaking to her friendly TA?

[zero]

That could work, but I like my solution better.

[Stil]

Buy her something shiny.

[Escaped Lunatic]

Catch her alone someplace where you have a decent amount of privacy.  Hand her a nicely wrapped package.  As she's opening it, drop to your knees and put your forehead on the floor.

Inside the package is a riding crop or similar implement and a note that says, "I deeply regret my unworthy actions.  Please use this to punish me as severely as you see fit.  I can only hope that afterwards, you will find it in your heart to forgive me."

If you are lucky, after she's done with you then you can move on to Zero's plan.

[The Local Dialect]

Guys come on now, the guy wants serious replies not 3 pages of innuendo.

You might try giving her some face during class, or, like Amonk said, in front of other co-workers. Give her a chance to show off.

I would probably not make the effort though, to be honest. If she's already saying she doesn't like you, to your face, I think the relationship is probably beyond repair. Could you ask for a new TA for this particular class?

[Fozzwaldus]

you know what, if you've apologised already, and she's still sulking, I say screw it. You made a mistake, no big deal, little princess will have to get over herself.

[zero]

On defense, hang back a little and let one of her teammates get the ball to her in the low post. Let her post you up, and intentionally go for her right head fake even though you know she's going to go left. Let her get the drop step in the paint and dunk. Look all puzzled like you just got schooled.

She'll get plenty of face, and your relationship will be mended.

[Escaped Lunatic]

It's not even one page of innuendo yet.

Call it what you like, but it's still seducing her opinion in some fashion or other. If you don't want to go for the spanking, try flowers and chocolates.  It's hard to stay angry at someone who's giving you flowers and chocolates.

[DC@54055]

The responses were funny   , but LD is right - I'd like a little bit of seriousness.

I already 1. asked for her suggestion about how to teach something in a class 2. took her advice and used what method she said in class 3. then thanked her for the advice. But, I have never done ALL OF this in front of another TA which I think is what I may try next.

I dont really want to just, 'let her get over it.' Because she's the grudge holding type. I agree, she is a, 'little princess type,'but I'd rather make it right. I have to work with this girl for another 8 months    


Although, to meld what everyone is saying I think what I will do is go ahead and try the above and if that doesn't work just let it pass like everyone is saying.

 

[Escaped Lunatic]

After thanking her in front of the other TA, then send the flowers and chocolates^* with a thank you note.  It's a combination that virtually assures success.

^*Unless you know some other easily giftable item that she really likes.  Flowers and chocolates are virtually assured to assuage anger, but if you have info on something she likes more, use it.

[Stil]

I'm not sure I understand the relationship between you two. She is your TA?

How old is she? Is she younger or older than you?

If a TA younger than me told me 我不喜欢泥, I wouldn't be trying to make her feel better at all.

You still haven't answered this. I think it makes a big difference if she is older than you or not in how you deal with her and also what exactly are your positions in the job. I don't consider that there should be the same reaction regardless of this.

There wouldn't be for a Chinese man.

Seriously, If some little princess is in a snit for a faux pas already apologized for and it was making my job more difficult I would be more likely to really show her what losing face is instead of coddling her.

You are the teacher. She is the TA. Make her act like one.

[DC@54055]

@ Still: She is about the same age as me. She is my TA - Sorry for not getting to those sooner.

She (the original angry TA) had one of her friends (another TA of mine) that she recruited into despising me. I mentioned her before as the TA that was 'recruited.' Anyway, I confronted her yesterday after she tried to teach my kids / get them to say "Teacher 我们不喜欢你，“ Immediately after she taught it, I told her to not teach them that.

Then when that class ended, I reprimanded her for it.

Today in another one of our classes, she (the recruited one) was much more docile. Actually, she made me lose face a few times. But it was one of those things where she was 'smiling' on the inside when she made me lose face. To me, it really wasn't a big deal / embarrassing. So I let her have those wins. Like I said, I rather just let them think they 'win' then put them down. For gosh sakes, they make about 1/4th of the salary as me but they have to do more than double the work. I guess I realize that in the grand scheme of things these TA's really aren't that important.

I'm just really overcome with how self-conscious / low self-esteem they are. And this whole losing and gaining face thing really only makes it worse. Is this type of behaviour ('you made me lose face once so I have to make you lose face several times to get back' deal) typical in Chinese culture?

No, indication about where the feelings are of the original TA that I pissed off (and apologized) to are. Tomorrow, I'll update.