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Author Topic: Things locals do that drive you insane.  (Read 22597 times)

Senor Boogie Woogie

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Things locals do that drive you insane.
« on: April 11, 2012, 01:53:39 AM »
Hello people!

I would be interested in stories of what local people do that make no sense and drives you up the walls. I have many stories, but this one is recent.

I live in a fairly large apartment complex, with probably 2000 plus units over several very tall buildings in a fairly compact area. We have guards to protect the place, basically at the enterances and patrolling somewhat in the evenings.

I live in the lowest floor apartment (3rd floor) off the main road, maybe 10-15 meters off the ground. For some reason, about once a week, the asshole supervisor forces the door guards to march and chant like they were in the Army. Around twelve guards in double file lines, marching on this jerk's orders, and the marching has to be done in a certain fashion.

The marching does not bother me, the chanting does. Like everything in China, this must be LOUD! So the guys are marching outside my window.........

Sargeant Asshole Yi (1) Er (2) Sen (3) SI(4)

The troops Yi Er Sen SI!

With the SI (4) yelled out at the top of their lungs.

I got tired of their bullshit, opened my window and yelled (in my angry, I am going to kill you dead voice) at Sgt. Asshole to take his troops somewhere else, called him stupid (in Chinese) and a MF'er (in English, like Bendan mf'er!) and asked him "Wei shen me, yi, er, sen, SI!" Sgt. Asshole told me "Fk you!" back, but I got the parade to move on somewhere else.

My question is this, why do Chinese dislike quiet? Does it arouse them somehow to be as loud as they can possibly be? Also, why don't the other tenants complain about this crap? This was in the middle of a Monday afternoon, but we have elderly people and babies sleeping, people watching TV or using computer, and what ticked me off was the fact that I was trying to do some work online with this crap outside, and I was offended to have an otherwise quiet afternoon being disrupted by this. I covet quiet in China.




« Last Edit: April 11, 2012, 02:13:56 AM by Senor Boogie Woogie »

MK

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Re: Things locals do that drive you insane.
« Reply #1 on: April 11, 2012, 03:52:51 AM »
I dunno but this synchronised chanting thing also seems especially popular outside hairdressing establishments (the genuine ones) for some reason.

The Local Dialect

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Re: Things locals do that drive you insane.
« Reply #2 on: April 11, 2012, 08:05:10 AM »
Locals do a lot of things that drive me crazy but the chanting doesn't really bother me all that much as long as it isn't first thing in the morning.

I used to live right next to my old school and every morning at the ass-crack of dawn they'd do morning exercizes, which wouldn't be that bad, except that they would play Lady Gaga and Justin Beiber, top volume. My daughter was just a baby and oh man did I ever wanna kill whoever's bright idea it was to make Gaga part of the morning routine.

Fozzwaldus

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Re: Things locals do that drive you insane.
« Reply #3 on: April 11, 2012, 08:22:34 AM »
I have long held a theory that Chinese people are afraid of quiet, it makes them feel alone/lonely, and boy do they need to feel like they are part of a hot and noisy group at the best of times.

I've started going hiking at the weekend, and some members of the group bring speakers in there bag so that they can pump music as they go.

Different strokes, I guess...
« Last Edit: April 11, 2012, 12:05:56 PM by Fozzwaldus »
两只老外, 两只老外,跑得快,跑得快,
一个是老酒鬼,一个是老色鬼,真奇怪, 真奇怪

Calach Pfeffer

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Re: Things locals do that drive you insane.
« Reply #4 on: April 11, 2012, 08:42:20 AM »
Slam a door--the whole building shakes.
Stomp up stairs, clatter down--does no one have lower body muscle control?
Sing? Bitch, you want to sing? At midnight? At midnight, operatic voice work is indistinguishable from yodeling. Just... don't.

But really it's the pop and slap of open-mouthed mastication that I find endlessly unappealing. Mental defectives do it and so do stroke victims. How is this a habit that persists among the unafflicted? Control over the movement of your mouth and lips above and beyond that forced on them by the movement of your jaw is surely a sign of higher intelligence, linked as it is with the ability to make complex sounds on demand. Eating with your mouth open is... none of these things.

I also have issues with the slut walk. It's that strut girls and sometimes men get when walking in slippers. They can't lift their feet high enough to have their heels clear the ground. They walk essentially by tossing their own feet forward. Nary a step is taken, but through many a kicked out heel and jiggling wobble do they stagger their way forward. The nice young woman upstairs does it. I hear every step she makes.

And while we're here, people, is there any reason at all you put alarms on scooters? Do they ever keep your transports safe or do they just sit their waiting to be blown by the wind and start whooping at midnight?

And for the love of jesus, why, why, why oh why must you stand outside an apartment building and yell your neighbour's name? Repeatedly? Call, knock, arrange a damn time to meet, why are you standing in the street shouting at a house?!

*ahem*
/issues

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MK

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Re: Things locals do that drive you insane.
« Reply #5 on: April 11, 2012, 09:11:19 AM »
Oh wow, nice venting.   

Quote
ass-crack of dawn morning exercises...Lady Gaga and Justin Beiber, top volume.
Same (expect it was the Backstreet Boys at that time). School had these speakers all over campus, including several right outside the FT apartment building, joy!

Quote
I've started going hiking at the weekend, and some members of the group bring speakers in there bag so that they can pump music as they go.
Early memory of going 'hiking' for the first time in China - Yay, we're getting out of the city...and what's this...Oh a million other people are doing the same? and there are concrete stairs AND speakers playing Kenny G all the way to the top? Er...

Quote
why, why, why oh why must you stand outside an apartment building and yell your neighbour's name? Repeatedly?
I like to make a game of it by counting how many times they yell and then seeing if the next one I hear can beat that total.
« Last Edit: April 11, 2012, 09:16:38 AM by MK »

Escaped Lunatic

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Re: Things locals do that drive you insane.
« Reply #6 on: April 11, 2012, 09:23:08 AM »
Head down to some place with a bunch of street level shops selling phones.  Each one has speakers cranked up to bone-shattering levels.  And I'm supposed to test the quality of a cell phone in that area? mmmmmmmmmm

The cute girls chanting something about buy my products that no one else wants in front of clothing stores (and I see the same thing next to some vegetables that are on sale in supermarkets) are amusing.  What really distresses me are the loud and semi-hypnotic sales pitches played in a loop in front of some shops.  I feel my free will being sapped from me and have a compulsion to buy whatever is being sold.  The only issue is that I don't speak Chinese, so I can't follow the command. ahahahahah
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Fozzwaldus

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Re: Things locals do that drive you insane.
« Reply #7 on: April 11, 2012, 10:04:48 AM »
But really it's the pop and slap of open-mouthed mastication that I find endlessly unappealing. Mental defectives do it and so do stroke victims. How is this a habit that persists among the unafflicted? Control over the movement of your mouth and lips above and beyond that forced on them by the movement of your jaw is surely a sign of higher intelligence, linked as it is with the ability to make complex sounds on demand. Eating with your mouth open is... none of these things.

yep, this one drives me up the wall too. not so much in noisy Chinese places, but in quieter Western places where you are paying for the ambience... it just seems to echo (the slurping of pasta...)

also, it seems that some of it is affected, because it's actually more effort to make the noises than not... therefore I go back to my original theory, in that it has some sort of group bonding function, to reinforce the fact that they are not eating alone, and therefore are not lonely...

两只老外, 两只老外,跑得快,跑得快,
一个是老酒鬼,一个是老色鬼,真奇怪, 真奇怪

MK

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Re: Things locals do that drive you insane.
« Reply #8 on: April 11, 2012, 11:06:44 AM »
Haha, I think everyone that jumped on this thread is at least in the 5 year + category. 

Just wait, you'll see...you'll see....

Calach Pfeffer

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Re: Things locals do that drive you insane.
« Reply #9 on: April 11, 2012, 11:14:14 AM »
also, it seems that some of it is affected, because it's actually more effort to make the noises than not... therefore I go back to my original theory, in that it has some sort of group bonding function, to reinforce the fact that they are not eating alone, and therefore are not lonely...

You may be on to something there. I used to think it was a function of peasanthood: the older they were, the less educated, the more accustomed to Mao's supposed glorification of rusticity, the more they make with the chorus of cud. But no, the young still do it. So then I figured they learned it at home and didn't learn any better anywhere else. However, as disgusting as this seems, young men eat with their loving partners, lower face agape yet chewing as though endlessly surprised that anyone let alone a girl would sit across from this spectacle of sound and saliva, and, horrifically, their upper face remains resolutely sanguine. Perhaps it is a kind of broadcast system, like pissing on a post, indicating to all and sundry that here is some young man of sufficient potency and means that some sexual receptacle like this girl will put up with this level of sheer pig like disregard for humanity.

I have from nowhere that I can clearly determine a belief that were anyone to outright require people to eat with their mouths closed, those people would claim they could no longer taste the food. Which presumably means there really is some kind of cultural or social component going on.

Though why exactly this noisy eating is often accompanied by the jailhouse elbow protecting the food and a tendency to lean down to your bowl rather than raise the food to your gaping maw...
« Last Edit: April 11, 2012, 11:21:09 AM by Calach Pfeffer »

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Calach Pfeffer

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Re: Things locals do that drive you insane.
« Reply #10 on: April 11, 2012, 11:27:22 AM »
^ pretty much, yes.

The other side of the coin is the spitting, which I often find funny. Doubly so when women or girls do it. That higher pitch on the kkkkkkkack is just hilarious.

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Fozzwaldus

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Re: Things locals do that drive you insane.
« Reply #11 on: April 11, 2012, 12:09:53 PM »
I have long held a theory that Chinese people are afraid of quite, it makes them feel alone/lonely..
Actually, many Chinese people I know are quite fond of the word quite. It may even make them happy sometimes.

Ooh, petty typo comment! I'm gonna be haunting your posts from now on looking for misplaced apostrophies.   kkkkkkkkkk

As for the spitting, it really doesn't get to me anymore.

I was acutually seriously considering getting hypnotised back in Ireland so that the sound of eating didn't bother me anymore. Seriously. I think it would be a major quality of life boost!
两只老外, 两只老外,跑得快,跑得快,
一个是老酒鬼,一个是老色鬼,真奇怪, 真奇怪

Calach Pfeffer

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Re: Things locals do that drive you insane.
« Reply #12 on: April 11, 2012, 12:45:24 PM »
It's an actual condition, though I doubt there's any special need to medicalise it. It's just a sensitivity to sounds that impinge in a certain way or at certain times. I was wondering today, for example, would it be a deal breaker with some hot babe. (Because it's not just the homely girls--I have seen, well, heard, the attractive... there's not even a word, I looked for a word but there isn't a word...)

To keep your mouth open while eating, it seems to me you needs must get your cheeks involved in marshalling the contents of your mouth... in a disgusting experiment right this very moment I am attempting to eat an apple open mouthed. If I'm completely slack jawed, there seems a risk of biting my tongue, but things are back under control again if I get some cheek squeezing action going on...

Oh god, what if it's a function of the language?! We all know different languages produce different mouth shapes and tolerances and whatever with the muscles... if you learn the mysteries of chomping and slopping, do you form Chinese words better???



Just working through the pain, don't mind me.

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BrandeX

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Re: Things locals do that drive you insane.
« Reply #13 on: April 11, 2012, 01:35:34 PM »
Quote
Things locals do that drive you insane.
Going out into public everyone morning smelling like a wet dog. One that is wet because another one pissed all over it. Seriously... deodorant. Get some.

(showering in the morning before hitting that bus/train when going out into public would be more civilized too!)

Calach Pfeffer

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Re: Things locals do that drive you insane.
« Reply #14 on: April 11, 2012, 01:48:57 PM »
One thing the locals do is encourage, by *OUR* very existence, some kind of intolerant tolerance for the intolerable. It's the paradox of living among another culture: not a part, yet not removed; without attitude, yet opinionated; unable to join, yet UNABLE TO LOOK AWAY!

/meta


I get annoyed by the way people drive cars. Not the simple recklessness. It's the peremptory horn honking. I believe that to drive a car is to accept responsibility for taking up way more space than one person should and wielding with the nonchalance of daily use the ability to kill your neighbours and various strangers with the mere turn of a wheel. So someone honking their horn at me is about as welcome as someone waving a gun.

I HAVE ISSUES!



(eta: had to take out a comma, felt compelled.)
« Last Edit: April 11, 2012, 01:55:33 PM by Calach Pfeffer »

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