• Home
  • Search
    •  
  • Login
    • Username: Password:

      Did you miss your activation email?

Author Topic: Male Chinese Friends 'getting a life'  (Read 10604 times)

Borkya

  • Barfly
  • *
  • Posts: 1354
Re: Male Chinese Friends 'getting a life'
« Reply #15 on: February 09, 2012, 01:44:16 AM »
My best friend in the whole world is a chinese guy. Now he lives in Hong Kong (where I just visited him, and got to stay rent free, for 2 weeks!)

I originally met him through class. Yeah, he wanted to "practice his english" and originally I didn't think much about him. I am really close and friendly with many of my students, but I stop short at revealing too much of myself, or talking about my problems. I am always aware that I am their teacher, and therefore there is a distance in our friendship.

But this guy was older than the other students and a different major. Since he wasn't part of the class I didn't have to worry about upsetting the class heirarchy by spending time with him outside of class (I try not to show favorites). Eventually it grew into a real friendship and I would count him as one of the best, best friends I've ever had. I've had some recent troubles in my life and he was the one who helped me through them. 

And I agree that having close chinese friends is really rewarding. You DO get to experience and learn about the culture in a totally new way. I got to spend a week in his hometown, a small village, living with his parents, meetings his grandparents, aunts and uncles. It was one of the best experiences I've had since coming to china and he said if I was his girlfriend, it never would have happened. And if I was a chinese girl, it also wouldn't have happened (it would be too inappropriate) but because I'm a foreigner it was no problem and nobody thought anything bad (though all the gossiping locals assumed I was his wife,ha ha ha)

So I forget where you teach, but if it's a uni, don't totally overlook the other students in other majors. 

Fozzwaldus

  • Barfly
  • *
  • Posts: 1828
Re: Male Chinese Friends 'getting a life'
« Reply #16 on: February 09, 2012, 01:50:27 AM »
@Borkya -

that's a good point. I teach undergrads, but the postgrads are a different kettle of fish altogther, many of them are much older and have a bit of world experience to them.
两只老外, 两只老外,跑得快,跑得快,
一个是老酒鬼,一个是老色鬼,真奇怪, 真奇怪

jpd01

  • Barfly
  • *
  • Posts: 495
Re: Male Chinese Friends 'getting a life'
« Reply #17 on: February 09, 2012, 04:34:27 AM »
Actually when I think about it I don't have any close female friends anymore. I used to have 3 or 4 really close female friends but they have slowly faded into the background.
My two closest friends are male, one I met through my wife and one is a student of mine.
Both are around the same age as me, Tony is 28 and divorced and spent a few years in the UK. Whenever we hang out it's easy and carefree. We both just want to hang out and there is no competition between us. We often go camping and hiking with a large group and I'm always the only foreigner there and Tony doesn't have any other foreign friends.
The other one Liu is one of my students and his wife went to the the same University as me (University of Queensland) and is a great guy. He is a real dirty MF but in a good way. Always cracking a joke and loves a beer and BBQ. He is really rare as a Chinese guy though, he and his wife are highschool sweethearts. He even waited for her to come back to China to get married and when he is drunk he admits that he hasn't ever slept with any other girl.
I must say that it does help that I'm the best drinker I know (not bragging my father always held drinking up as the number 1 desired trait in people) I very rarely go out to bars, mostly my drinking is done at BBQ or over dinner. But if you hold your own and/or out drink others it can gain you a lot of respect with Chinese guys. That being said most people act like complete dicks when they are trying to out drink others or simply when they are drunk.
I have a system of Chinese wing-manning, we take care of each other and know our limits. So if we are out with other people we will make sure we know how to act and drink.
Other than that it's hard to say how to make male friends in China. If you listen to other people I have about 6 "best friends"  or as my wife calls it "boyfriends"  llllllllll but I only classify those two as my mates, the rest are just friends.
 
"I don't understand what I did wrong except live a life that everyone is jealous of." Charlie Sheen.

KeyserSoze

  • Barfly
  • *
  • Posts: 256
Re: Male Chinese Friends 'getting a life'
« Reply #18 on: February 09, 2012, 11:35:47 AM »
DOH  bibibibibi

I drink sparingly, thus I have no male Chinese friends!  ananananan

Thus I cannot stay up all night talking about delicious food while drinking paint thinner and later taking a cab to get a massage and a hand job.  alalalalal

Hmmmmm  mmmmmmmmmm

Yup, I'm good with that!  ababababab

As soon as I hear "baijiu" I am  oooooooooo  dddddddddd

Think what you will cuz they sell brandy or at least red wine every damn where.  axaxaxaxax


Oh wait, sorry Fozz I know nothing about cultivating relationships with Chinese males. I don't even try. However, my male boss does like me.

[but not in a swishy gay-like way.]


Fozzwaldus

  • Barfly
  • *
  • Posts: 1828
Re: Male Chinese Friends 'getting a life'
« Reply #19 on: February 09, 2012, 11:46:57 AM »
KS -

see, here in Ningbo, people don't drink so much. Actually I like the more Northern China style of 'lets all get mashed on baijiu and be BFF'. Maybe that's the point. I lived in Xi'an for 2 years, and once a year or so I visit XJ to see my wife's family, and I really like the cosy warm baijiu in winter vibe. It's so strong that after a few cups I get totally giddy. I know that my father-in-laws colleagues *love* me for the fact that I drink with them.

Maybe I should go back up north.
两只老外, 两只老外,跑得快,跑得快,
一个是老酒鬼,一个是老色鬼,真奇怪, 真奇怪

KeyserSoze

  • Barfly
  • *
  • Posts: 256
Re: Male Chinese Friends 'getting a life'
« Reply #20 on: February 09, 2012, 11:50:22 AM »
Fozz - I hear ya. Perhaps we should trade places? All the baijiu you can drink and you pay nothing!
 agagagagag

jpd01

  • Barfly
  • *
  • Posts: 495
Re: Male Chinese Friends 'getting a life'
« Reply #21 on: February 09, 2012, 12:29:18 PM »
DOH  bibibibibi

I drink sparingly, thus I have no male Chinese friends!  ananananan

Thus I cannot stay up all night talking about delicious food while drinking paint thinner and later taking a cab to get a massage and a hand job.  alalalalal

Hmmmmm  mmmmmmmmmm

Yup, I'm good with that!  ababababab

As soon as I hear "baijiu" I am  oooooooooo  dddddddddd

Think what you will cuz they sell brandy or at least red wine every damn where.  axaxaxaxax


Oh wait, sorry Fozz I know nothing about cultivating relationships with Chinese males. I don't even try. However, my male boss does like me.

[but not in a swishy gay-like way.]



Just letting you know I've never drank baijiu outside of a wedding.
"I don't understand what I did wrong except live a life that everyone is jealous of." Charlie Sheen.

KeyserSoze

  • Barfly
  • *
  • Posts: 256
Re: Male Chinese Friends 'getting a life'
« Reply #22 on: February 09, 2012, 01:13:27 PM »
jpd10 - Around here, baijiu is the sixth major food group after noodles, rice, meats, and ... those other things; but only Wednesday through Sunday. If you have dinner with two or more people, someone buys baijiu. I seriously need to move. Maybe it's only my uni. Hell if I know.

babala

  • Barfly
  • *
  • Posts: 1462
Re: Male Chinese Friends 'getting a life'
« Reply #23 on: February 09, 2012, 02:23:14 PM »
Fozz I understand what you mean about women not noticing the "looks" that Chinese men give the foreigner with the Chinese wife. I feel the same way sometimes with Chinese women. I find sometimes they are quick to talk to the men but rather reluctant to speak to me. I guess you only these things when it's the same sex as yourself.
Kids, you tried your best and you failed miserably. The lesson is, never try. Homer Simpson

zero

  • Barfly
  • *
  • Posts: 415
Re: Male Chinese Friends 'getting a life'
« Reply #24 on: February 09, 2012, 02:35:45 PM »
Quote
Thus I cannot stay up all night talking about delicious food while drinking paint thinner and later taking a cab to get a massage and a hand job.
And why are you even in China?

Fozzwaldus

  • Barfly
  • *
  • Posts: 1828
Re: Male Chinese Friends 'getting a life'
« Reply #25 on: February 09, 2012, 03:14:07 PM »
Fozz I understand what you mean about women not noticing the "looks" that Chinese men give the foreigner with the Chinese wife. I feel the same way sometimes with Chinese women. I find sometimes they are quick to talk to the men but rather reluctant to speak to me. I guess you only these things when it's the same sex as yourself.

yip, methinks so too, exactly. I've always had plenty of female Chinese friends, just that I tend to let my wife choose our (Chinese) female friends at this stage, with one or two exceptions. 
两只老外, 两只老外,跑得快,跑得快,
一个是老酒鬼,一个是老色鬼,真奇怪, 真奇怪

decurso

  • Barfly
  • *
  • Posts: 1515
    • Chinese Rocks
Re: Male Chinese Friends 'getting a life'
« Reply #26 on: February 11, 2012, 01:58:57 AM »
Most of my male Chinese friends were musicians, so being that I'm really into music, we always had at least that much in common. They were also into beer, girls and BBQ....so you know...we got along pretty great! agagagagag

 My earliest Chinese friends I met at all night xiao chi restuarants. You know...they see the foreigner sitting there and invite him to join their happy table. It happened a lot, and while it was not ALWAYS a pleasant experience, I made some great friends this way.

 In Beijing I tended to meet most of my friends at rock and roll bars and music festivals. My entire theory of networking is based on going to places where people with the same interests as you will be. It worked pretty well for me!

KeyserSoze

  • Barfly
  • *
  • Posts: 256
Re: Male Chinese Friends 'getting a life'
« Reply #27 on: February 11, 2012, 04:07:38 AM »
Quote
Thus I cannot stay up all night talking about delicious food while drinking paint thinner and later taking a cab to get a massage and a hand job.
And why are you even in China?

I'm here for the ambiance.  ababababab