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Author Topic: Male Chinese Friends 'getting a life'  (Read 10626 times)

Fozzwaldus

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Male Chinese Friends 'getting a life'
« on: February 08, 2012, 03:31:57 AM »
I would like to start this thread as an adjunct to eggcluck's 'getting a life' thread

Mr Benn's quote got me thinking:

'men will jerk you around to establish how important they are. (I really detest Chinese men, but obviously you will almost certainly be more tolerant of their BS than I am, or perhaps even understand it as something other than being an A'hole).'

I want more Chinese friends in general, for reasons of practicing my language, but also as part of an ongoing effort to assimilate into a culture that I have invested a lot of time and effort into (I get very bored of expat bubbles). I'm married, and therefore would not be comfortable going out to meet and befriend Chinese women (I can do this with my wife and her colleagues/friends etc), but I find it diffficult to get to know/make friends with Chinese men.

Have any of the other guys on the forum found this difficult?

I'd really like a couple of 哥们儿 to go out and have a beer and BBQ with.

Maybe it's me, I don't like team sports and tend to like to win the 'what language will we speak' war. What I need is a guy that can't speak much English but is nonetheless interested in and patient enough to get to know a foreigner with imperfect Chinese.

I'd like to hear the experiences of the other guys on the forum, how did your friendships start up? On what basis were they maintained?

[NB - any gay jokes should be put in square brakets at the end of the post, just like this, and should not constitutes the main body of any individual post, thank you.  bjbjbjbjbj ahahahahah ahahahahah ahahahahah ahahahahah]




两只老外, 两只老外,跑得快,跑得快,
一个是老酒鬼,一个是老色鬼,真奇怪, 真奇怪

babala

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Re: Male Chinese Friends 'getting a life'
« Reply #1 on: February 08, 2012, 05:37:13 AM »
I'm not male but can I play afafafafaf afafafafaf

I have quite a few Chinese guy friends. In fact about 85% of my Chinese friends are male. I just seem to relate to them better than Chinese women as I find I don't have a lot in common with most of them. I tend to meet most of my guy buddies in local establishments (gym, bar, local restaurant...). My local watering hole is where I've met the most. The Chinese guys who come in tend to work for foreign companies and enjoy the company of westerners. They are happy to speak either Chinese or English. They aren't looking to "improve their English" and thus the time together becomes an English lesson. They are just cool guys hanging out. Suzhou has so many foreign companies here that it is easy to meet these kind of guys. Does your city have many foreign companies?
Kids, you tried your best and you failed miserably. The lesson is, never try. Homer Simpson

Fozzwaldus

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Re: Male Chinese Friends 'getting a life'
« Reply #2 on: February 08, 2012, 06:12:23 AM »
yeah, loads of foreign companies here in Ningbo. Maybe a problem is that when I go out to bars/restaurants I'm with my wife, and therefore not looking to meet people.

Also, I might be being too sensitive, but I also get an unfriendly vibe off Chinese dudes when I'm with my wife.

两只老外, 两只老外,跑得快,跑得快,
一个是老酒鬼,一个是老色鬼,真奇怪, 真奇怪

MK

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Re: Male Chinese Friends 'getting a life'
« Reply #3 on: February 08, 2012, 08:56:40 AM »
I just want to chime in and say I haven't made many Chinese male friends either. 

I have tried, but the only local guys I have met up with more than once or twice have been female friend's husbands or boyfriends, and a couple of gay guys, also friends of Chinese gals I have met... I also get hostile vibes off a lot of Chinese dudes, and there also tends to be a lot of ostentatious showing off of wealth and importance and other dick measuring which I just can't be bothered with.

Wasn't actually aware this was a common problem, It's quite interesting...
« Last Edit: February 08, 2012, 10:01:41 AM by MK »

Escaped Lunatic

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Re: Male Chinese Friends 'getting a life'
« Reply #4 on: February 08, 2012, 09:45:48 AM »
I've got plenty Chinese male friends, but most of those relationships are pretty casual (and often involve large quantities of baijiu).  My closest friends are all female.
I'm pro-cloning and we vote!               Why isn't this card colored green?
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slayer6719

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Re: Male Chinese Friends 'getting a life'
« Reply #5 on: February 08, 2012, 10:53:58 AM »
I,ve got a couple of Male Chinese friends that i,ve met but most Men i,ve met seem to be into the face thing or only wanna drink and goto those places with girls bhbhbhbhbh married men shouldnt go(If they wanna stay married).
More Nu Xin Peng You 女性朋友 than i would of thought is possible.  ahahahahah
Crazy thing is the 2 blokes i,m friends with dont drink at all but the girls like to goto KTV and  :alcoholic: :alcoholic: :alcoholic: :alcoholic: :alcoholic: and sing! mmmmmmmmmm
i,m not crazy, my reality is just different to your's

The Local Dialect

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Re: Male Chinese Friends 'getting a life'
« Reply #6 on: February 08, 2012, 12:07:38 PM »
Like Babala I'm not a guy, I've also have had a lot of Chinese guy friends.

I tended to hang out with a lot of musicians and artists before I got married. That's how I eventually met my husband. I found that those guys generally were not (at all) interested in learning English and tended to be a bit more open-minded than your average Chinese bear. I also knew a lot of Chinese stoners. Read what you will into that -- but! they tended to be pretty cool people who were the exact opposite of the ultranationalist oh-noes-a-foreign-guy-is-despoiling-china's-virgins types who are probably the ones giving you the stinkeye. These guys were also friends with my foreign guy friends, so it wasn't just that I was nonthreatening due to my not having a dick to wave. I am still in touch with some of these guys but I don't see them more than once a year now that we live in Beijing and then it is always a big group get together.

Fozz if you ever come to Beijing my husband would have a beer and some BBQ with you. He can't speak English and doesn't like team sports either, unless it's the World Cup. :)

kitano

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Re: Male Chinese Friends 'getting a life'
« Reply #7 on: February 08, 2012, 01:48:03 PM »
Just from reading this I always think a lot of people's complaints about 'Chinese people' come from living in provincial places. You read so many times over the internet how 'Chinese men are just small minded into cars and drinking competitions and Chinese girls are just into getting their money to buy them rubbish' as if that was unique to China. I grew up in a pretty small city in England although luckily it did have a lot of culture going on, but most people were still 'meatheads' or whatever, and I got the same thing when I went to university in another provincial city in south England cos I didn't get to meet the right people until my last year. Most people are boring everywhere lol

Nowadays I'm really anti social, it was the same when I lived in other big cities, it's a trek into the centre where there is stuff to do. I know about 5 people here who I see one or two times a week, mostly I just stay at home eating crisps and masturbating

Fozzwaldus

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Re: Male Chinese Friends 'getting a life'
« Reply #8 on: February 08, 2012, 02:22:26 PM »
LD

I found that those guys generally were not (at all) interested in learning English and tended to be a bit more open-minded than your average Chinese bear. I also knew a lot of Chinese stoners. Read what you will into that -- but! they tended to be pretty cool people who were the exact opposite of the ultranationalist oh-noes-a-foreign-guy-is-despoiling-china's-virgins types who are probably the ones giving you the stinkeye.


Yeah, this sounds about right. When I was in Chengdu I used to hang around and get drunk/stoned with a lovely, lively big mixed group of Chinese and foreigners. I guess common interests go a long way huh, I tend to get along well with artsy fartsy types. Unfortunately from this point of view, I live in Ningbo.  bibibibibi The closest thing I have to a male friend here is a journalist who's very into literature, and who opened a coffee shop with his wife near my uni. Owners of coffee shops/bars are great for befriending. Captive audience.  uuuuuuuuuu


Fozz if you ever come to Beijing my husband would have a beer and some BBQ with you. He can't speak English and doesn't like team sports either, unless it's the World Cup. :)


see, that's all I want!  ahahahahah ahahahahah shame I have to go all the way to Beijing for a playdate!  ahahahahah ahahahahah

I guess the point is that it diffficult for a foreigner in any country to make lasting friendships with locals once they get past a certain stage of their lives. I probably wouldn't be bothered getting to know some dude from Italy when I'm back in Dublin, I have so many friends and family there that I never have time enough to see them all as it is...
If you're not in uni studying here in China, or you're not a 20-something working with other 20-somethings in a language mill somewhere, then it's just far more likely that people are too busy... and that makes me a little sad.

Kitano:
mostly I just stay at home eating crisps and masturbating

not salt and vinegar I hope, that could really sting, arf arf
两只老外, 两只老外,跑得快,跑得快,
一个是老酒鬼,一个是老色鬼,真奇怪, 真奇怪

babala

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Re: Male Chinese Friends 'getting a life'
« Reply #9 on: February 08, 2012, 02:52:10 PM »
I don't know if it's because I'm a woman or I have just been lucky but I haven't met those Chinese guys who are hostile towards foreign men dating/married to Chinese women. I'm with LD in that before most of my Chinese friends were musicians (I dated one for over 3 years). I do think that going to a pub with your wife will discourage Chinese guys from coming over and chatting with you. Try going out without the wife for a night and strike up a conversation with some local guys.
Kids, you tried your best and you failed miserably. The lesson is, never try. Homer Simpson

zero

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Re: Male Chinese Friends 'getting a life'
« Reply #10 on: February 08, 2012, 09:15:08 PM »
[You definitely can make friends with Chinese guys, but in China it's always tit-for-tat. You are going to have to pay the piper eventually. And that's probably going to have to be with your writhing, oiled up naked body. Now get out there and make some friends!]

babala

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Re: Male Chinese Friends 'getting a life'
« Reply #11 on: February 08, 2012, 11:13:38 PM »
I think your attitude going into it is important too. If you think that all Chinese guys are just looking to show off and begrudge you marrying a Chinese woman, then it will reflect in your attitude and thus prevent a friendship.
Kids, you tried your best and you failed miserably. The lesson is, never try. Homer Simpson

Escaped Lunatic

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Re: Male Chinese Friends 'getting a life'
« Reply #12 on: February 09, 2012, 12:39:57 AM »
I do sometimes get some strange looks walking down the street holding my daughter's hand.  In a few years, people will start thinking I'm one of those old guys who likes to date very young girls.
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Fozzwaldus

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Re: Male Chinese Friends 'getting a life'
« Reply #13 on: February 09, 2012, 01:17:15 AM »
@babale -

yeah, you're right, going out with my wife is not the way to hang out with Chinese guys, is it? It's not like I'm walking around feeling paranoid daggers from every Chinese man in the vicinity, but I think there is a certain man-vs-man animosity that occurs here (sometimes) that maybe ladies don't experience. I think perhaps it is this way the world over.

Anyway, I guess the point is that if it hasn't happened incidentally by now, then it's unlikely to happen by forcing the situation. I could go out without the wife more often, but I don't really want to.  akakakakak

I just wanted to here the experiences of the other loonies.

I guess I ought to be glad for the friends that I do have, eh?
两只老外, 两只老外,跑得快,跑得快,
一个是老酒鬼,一个是老色鬼,真奇怪, 真奇怪

Fozzwaldus

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Re: Male Chinese Friends 'getting a life'
« Reply #14 on: February 09, 2012, 01:31:26 AM »
[You definitely can make friends with Chinese guys, but in China it's always tit-for-tat. You are going to have to pay the piper eventually. And that's probably going to have to be with your writhing, oiled up naked body. Now get out there and make some friends!]

Zero! I knew I could count on you to deliver within the agreed parameters of thread!  ahahahahah ahahahahah

I've got an English friend here in Ningbo who's spent a long time in China too, and he says that he's had friendships with Chinese guys that have all fallen apart over one issue: whoring. He just wasn't willing to go to the sauna after the boozy dinner, or to lie to his friends' wives about where they were when they'd been with their 'xiao san/er nai'.

My point being, Zero, is that you might have inadvertantly been correct! It probably would end up with me oiled up and writhing. [but not in a gay way]
两只老外, 两只老外,跑得快,跑得快,
一个是老酒鬼,一个是老色鬼,真奇怪, 真奇怪