• Home
  • Search
    •  
  • Login
    • Username: Password:

      Did you miss your activation email?

Author Topic: Jokes from my trashbin  (Read 226036 times)

Granny Mae

  • Barfly
  • *
  • Posts: 3701
Re: Jokes from my trashbin
« Reply #1350 on: July 03, 2018, 11:38:29 PM »

William, an 82-year-old man, went to the doctor for a check-up.

A few days later the doctor spotted William walking down he street with a gorgeous young lady on his arm.

A few days later, William went back to the doctor for a follow-up appointment where the doc remarked, “you’re really doing great, aren’t you?”.

William replied, “just doing what you said doctor, ‘get a hot mamma and be cheerful'”.

The doctor said, “I didn’t say that. I said, you got a heart murmur. Be careful”. uuuuuuuuuu

Granny Mae

  • Barfly
  • *
  • Posts: 3701
Re: Jokes from my trashbin
« Reply #1351 on: July 06, 2018, 10:54:17 PM »

A man boarded an airplane in New Orleans with a box of frozen crabs. A female crew member took the box and promised to put it in the crew's refrigerator, which she did.

The man firmly advised her that he was holding her personally responsible for the crabs staying frozen, and proceeded to rant at her about what would happen if she let them thaw out. She was annoyed by his behaviour.

Shortly before landing in New York, she announces over the intercom to the entire cabin, "would the gentleman who gave me the crabs in New Orleans please raise your hand".

Not one hand went up so she took them home and ate them herself.  :dancemj:

Granny Mae

  • Barfly
  • *
  • Posts: 3701
Re: Jokes from my trashbin
« Reply #1352 on: July 13, 2018, 11:04:40 PM »

An IT manager finally decided to go on a holiday so he booked himself on a Caribbean cruise and proceeded to have the time of his life. Until a hurricane came unexpectedly and the ship went down. The man found himself swept up on the shore of an island with no other people, no supplies, nothing. Only bananas and coconuts. As he was used to staying at top hotels, the man had no idea what to do.

So for the next four months he ate bananas and drank coconut juice as he longed for his old life. One day, as he was lying on the beach, he spotted movement out of the corner of his eye. It was a rowing boat and in it was a gorgeous woman. She rowed up to him and in disbelief he asked, "where did you come from? How did you get here?".

"I rowed from the other side of the island," she said, "I landed here when my cruise ship sank".

"Amazing," he said, "I didn't know anyone else had survived. How many of you are there? You were really lucky to have a rowing boat wash up with you".

"It's only me," she replied, "and the rowing boat didn't wash up, nothing did". Confused, he asked, "then how did you get the boat?". "Oh simple," replied the woman, "I made the rowing boat out of raw material that I found on the island, the oars were whittled from gum tree branches, I wove the bottom from palm branches and the sides and stern came from a eucalyptus tree".

"But, enough of that," she said, "where do you live?". Sheepishly he confessed that he had been sleeping on the beach the whole time.

"Well, let's row over to my place, then" she said. After a few minutes of rowing, she docked the boat at a small wharf. As the man looked onto shore he nearly fell out of the boat. Before him was a stone walk leading to an exquisite bungalow painted in blue and white. While the woman tied up the boat with an expertly woven hemp rope, the man could only stare ahead, dumbstruck.

As they exchanged their stories, the woman began to move closer toward the man and said, "we've been out here for a very long time. You've been lonely. There's something I'm sure you really feel like doing right now, something you've been longing for all these months?".

The man couldn't believe what he was hearing. "You mean I can check my email from here?" he said.  ahahahahah bjbjbjbjbj