Rin
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« on: May 02, 2012, 03:46:58 PM » |
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I have a friend who is pregnant.. she want's to keep the baby but is no longer with the father.. Any of you know any foreign single mothers here? How did it work out? I know a few Chinese single mothers.
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Raoul F. Duke
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"Be specific if you order the mushrooms!"
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« Reply #1 on: May 03, 2012, 02:28:45 AM » |
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I think it'll be a nightmare, if only because it's so hard to find good home care. IMHO.
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"Vicodin and dumplings...it's a great combination!" (Anthony Bourdain, in Harbin)
"Here in China we aren't just teaching...
we're building the corrupt, incompetent, baijiu-swilling buttheads of tomorrow!" (Raoul F. Duke)
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The Local Dialect
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« Reply #2 on: May 03, 2012, 02:58:11 AM » |
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Depends if she gets paid enough to afford a good live in ayi (nanny), which she will need when the baby is young if she plans on working. It also depends on if she has a good support system otherwise. Does she have family or friends here who are willing to help out when she's giving birth?
I think it is possibly doable, but it will be really hard. Probably it would be best for her to return to her home country if she'll have family support there. Personally, I wouldn't want to be a single mother in a place where I didn't have a large network of people around to help me.
Is the father Chinese? If so, she also needs to be careful. China does not follow the Hague convention and if the father's family gets it into their head that they want the baby she could have a lot of trouble on her hands.
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Rin
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« Reply #3 on: May 03, 2012, 10:34:20 AM » |
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Yeah, I was reading the thread on Aiyi costs.. they seem pretty steep. The father is Chinese. Well, she has been in China longer than me and has many friends, so has a good supportive network.. I guess she will have to think long and hard about whether she really wants to stay in China or not. Thanks for the advice.  |
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The Local Dialect
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« Reply #4 on: May 03, 2012, 11:56:19 AM » |
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If the father is Chinese, advise her to be very careful and to read up on China's custody laws, the Hague convention (particularly China's non-signatory status), and the implications for her situation. If the father (or, more likely, his parents) get it into their mind that they want custody of the child, she could find herself in a very bad situation. As a single mother and also a foreigner, she'll probably find that the law will not be very sympathetic towards her.
I have a friend who divorced her Japanese husband and moved back to England with her son, and to this day she won't return to Japan (another non-signatory country) because her ex husband and his family could basically take custody of the child and she'd have no recourse of the law.
This is serious business, please make sure your friend, if she decides to keep the baby, is very very careful.
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dragonsaver
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« Reply #5 on: May 03, 2012, 12:32:35 PM » |
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Especially if the baby is a boy  Also, the hospital stay will be very difficult if she doesn't have family with her to feed and take care of her and the baby. Will the company she works for let her keep her job? Will she have any income while she is in the last month of pregnancy or the first month or so after the baby is born? Does the company/school she works for provide the apartment? If they terminate her job will she be allowed to stay there? |
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Be kind to dragons for thou are crunchy when roasted and taste good with brie.
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zero
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« Reply #6 on: May 03, 2012, 04:53:01 PM » |
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« Last Edit: May 03, 2012, 08:16:33 PM by zero »
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dragonsaver
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« Reply #7 on: May 03, 2012, 05:39:52 PM » |
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 Lets get back on topic. This thread is about someone who is pregnant in China and wanting advice on problems etc they may face as a single parent.
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Be kind to dragons for thou are crunchy when roasted and taste good with brie.
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Rin
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« Reply #8 on: May 06, 2012, 06:43:44 AM » |
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I guess it would be better for her to go back to her own country then.. At least for the birth and to register the baby in her home country. How long would the hospital stay in China be?
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mlaeux
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« Reply #9 on: May 06, 2012, 12:28:56 PM » |
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I work with a lady who has a 6 year old daughter. the father is Chinese, so after reading your comments I now know why she is so closed mouthed about the idenity of the father...
Anyway, she went back to the States to have the baby and then returned to work a few months later. She has a live-in ayi and only pays her 1000 Kwai a month, but the Ayi is free to go back to her hometown whenever she pleases...
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"Happiness has to do with accepting the present moment for what it is, accepting your current life's situation and making the best out of it." - Andrew B.
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