Raoul's China Saloon Quotes Hall of Fame

[Escaped Lunatic]

Yes, this is the Champagne Cabana, but there are a few guidelines.

1.  No self nominations. (Certified Lunatics do not have to follow this rule)

2.  Quotes from non-members may be submitted, but are just honorable mentions.  Hall of Fame awards are only for quotes made inside the Saloon (or it's predecessor sites) by members.

3.  Nothing too long.  These are supposed to be the best quotes, not the best novels.

4.  If you can, please insert a link to the post where the quote comes from.

5.  If you disagree with the quote itself (violently or not) please take that to the original discussion topic.  I've seen some great quotes that I don't necessarily agree with.

6.  Judges will be the first 3 drunken guys I can find down by the village pond.  This means that the scores will range from bu ming bai to ting bu dong to .  Since none of them speak English, this ensures total fairness and impartiality.

I'd like to start this thread off with some quotes that truly deserve Hall of Fame status by our beloved leader Raoul, he of drunked and blessed memory.

From his signature:

Here in China we aren't just teaching...
we're building the corrupt, incompetent, baijiu-swilling buttheads of tomorrow!

And some that Mr. Benn found and reposted here:

One trick you might try: Make some very proud statements that everyone will know is wrong, e.g. "Paper was invented in America, by a man named Jonathan Pape!". This might get some students arguing with you, and therefore speaking English despite themselves.

This seems to be the Unwritten Rule of Moon Cakes: The less you like them, the more of them you are likely to receive.


Anyone else seen something at the Saloon worthy of the Quotes Hall of Fame?

[Escaped Lunatic]

And, the quote that gave me the idea, posted here by Yli:

If you don't trust someone enough to swap spit with them, you shouldn't trust them enough to break bread with them.

[MK]

Raoul again, replying to the perennial 'which city' question with particular reference to local wildlife:

Everywhere I lived in China had mosquitoes that could stand flat-footed and f@#k a chicken.

http://raoulschinasaloon.com/index.php?topic=6863.msg128478#msg128478

[Escaped Lunatic]

And Dragonsaver said:

I think that when you have been in China long enough you tend to see new laws from a different perspective.

Quote comes from http://raoulschinasaloon.com/index.php?topic=8158.msg149106#msg149106

Nominated by Old34 in the next post.

The judges votes are in.  It's a unanimous vote of "Bu ming bai."

[Fozzwaldus]

'getting fixated on the contract can be a category error because, as well all know, the contract is ".txt" and the relationship dynamic is ".exe"'
- bobrage

There seems to be a lot fewer ways to show individuality here and of course it's not encouraged at all. There may be some kind effort to 'show yourself' in this behaviour. Of course like all individualism for the young, it must be done as a group.

- Stil

[Pashley]

Used as a signature on his messages:

"Here in China we aren't just teaching... we're building the corrupt, incompetent, baijiu-swilling buttheads of tomorrow!" (Raoul F. Duke)

[gonzo]

Used as a signature on his messages:

"Here in China we aren't just teaching... we're building the corrupt, incompetent, baijiu-swilling buttheads of tomorrow!" (Raoul F. Duke)

Nominated twice: must be good!

An early Raoul one. "Fuck you and the horse you rode in on."
When Raoul's abuse was shown to be undeserved. "OK, un-fuck you."
The man had a way with words.

[Escaped Lunatic]

Here's a little gem of wisdom from Gzwriter, one of our newer Barflies (originally posted here):

My experience, especially with Chinese landlords, has been that they don't know what they want, but the only way they know they're not getting it is if you're happy.

Nominated by MK.

[latefordinner]

Another one from Guangzhou Writer (note changed name), upstairs in the retreat:

I don't believe that just because you get someone to consent to something makes it legit. Higher knowledge means higher responsibility, not higher scamming potential. However, some people seem to want to be scammed. I've been foolish in the past too, so there ya go.

(I found this in the Dodgy ads?! thread, but he could have said the same thing in at least one other thread)

[Escaped Lunatic]

Another one from the lovely and talented DS (originally posted here)

It is a bit complicated, but once you figure out the process it is relatively easy.

Nominated by Stil in the next post, with this commentary added:

I would like to nominate this for the quotes hall of fame.

Nothing ever written in this forum ever described China better than this.

[Escaped Lunatic]

Sorry, but you know the rule:  only point out typos if they're funny.
 - By Day Dreamer in this post

Wise words to live by.

Now I'm just waiting for him to have a really funny typo.

[Escaped Lunatic]

Some more wise words of advice.

trust no one that drinks hot water in the summer.
 - By Scotto858 in this post

I see I need to be less trusting of my wife.