next »

[kate]

My older sister is 25, and she is still single, my parents are very worried, they get everyone to introduce men to her, and I get that mission too.

As my husband is a westerner, and I think highly of western men (I think highly of chinese men too of course), so I am very interested to find her a western boyfriend. My husband said it was not possilbe-because western men are not going to date a chinese girl who doesn't speak english at all! Then I read stories on magazines and newspapers about western people marrying chinese women who don't speak english.

Anyway, what about you?  Will you date/marry a chinese girl who doesn't speak English? Or is there anyone who speaks chinese is interested in meeting my sister?

She is 25, 160cm tall,average built, quite attrative, and she is living in Hangzhou city, Zhejiang province currently.

By the way, Raoul, is this considerated as me promoting things?

[Lotus Eater]

If the guy speaks at least some level of Chinese, then they can communicate.  But, if they can't communicate, then there isn't much hope of establishing any serious relationship.  If your sister wants a western fella, she might want to start learning English.  BUT... looking for a person based on ethnicity instead of personality isn't the best way of establishing a relationship.

I have a number of friends who don't speak English, and we get on well, but I have some level of Chinese and they are VERY patient and work hard to understand me when I lose my Chinese.

[DaDan]

I'll date her...
she & I can use my computer internet translator in my hotel room   

but from my experience, after a few times meeting, the unability to speak to each other without a translator gets tiring & one or both will lose interest.

If she's 25, didn't she have English classes in a few years of school/college?

[ccvortex]

As an American man that does not speak any Chinese dialect I probably wouldn't date a women that didn't speak English. There would be no real way to get to know each other.

If she spoke a little English and was actively learning I would consider it.

[Calach Pfeffer]

Kate, she's 25, don't worry.  When she's 28 some old classmate will call her out of the blue and propose marriage.  She'll be hitched before you know it.

But that's not going to happen if she hangs out with foreigners.  Or married men.

Sad, but true, whichever way you look at it.

[Schnerby]

My Chinese is adequate for everyday things like shopping and chit chat but I couldn't establish a realtionship with someone relying on my Chinese alone. Relationships require communication and when you can't communicate that is a little difficult.

I know why the pressure is on for her to find a husband pronto, but I don't think looking for a foreigner specifically is going to be of much help to her.

[Yokie Kuma]

My current wife used to be a Chinese girl who did not speak English.  Well, that's not quite true.  She could speak "hello" and "thank you".

And I am a foreigner who can speak a little Chinese .... enough for a restaurant, bar, or simple simple conversation.

However I was studying Chinese and she was not studying English.

After living together for 2 years and watching Western TV at night, my Chinese has gotten worse and her English is very very good.

No communication issues.

And I kinda liked not being able to have fluent communication and conversations.  I liked the silence and peace of not talking .... we still don't talk a lot but that is more of a personality thing than a language thing.

 

[Raoul F. Duke]

Probably not.
Communication is just too critical to a relationship; you just can't really know someone you can't talk to. And I'm a big believer in the advice of Groucho Marx: "Everyone looks alike in the dark. Find someone you can talk to."
A girl who speaks basic English and learning more, maybe...but probably not someone who speaks no English at all. She'd have to be EXTREMELY exceptional...

[Pashley]

Unless either he speaks some Chinese or she speaks some English, I do not think there is much chance of a serious relationship, let alone marriage.

Do you know any foreign men with reasonable Chinese? Does your town have a "lao wai" bar? If so, drop in a few times and bring her; if she's attractive some of the men are likely to show some interest.

Certainly quite a few Western men who speak almost no Chinese will happily bed a girl who speaks no English, if they get the chance. I've done that sometimes and some friends who are younger and handsomer than me seem to do it rather often.

Some years back a guy I know, 50-something American, advised me rather strongly to avoid English-speaking Chinese women, because they are too full of themselves, according to him far more trouble than they are worth. He suggested looking for the farm girls with no English at all, easier to get along with and you'll learn Chinese. This does not seem to have worked out quite as planned: after living with him for 5 years or so, his girl has reasonable English; he hasn't learned Chinese.

I did not take his advice; for anything beyond a one-night-stand or perhaps a weekend I want one I can talk to.

[George]

  Where is Stil, when he is needed??

[Ruth]

Where is Stil, when he is needed??

Possibly out dating a Chinese girl...?

[decurso]

 No way. I would not even date a girl with very poor English.My Chinese is not good enough to express myself fluently, and I'm a firm believer that communication is the foundation of a relationship.

 But for casual sex, well...she can speak Klingon for all I care. 

[The Local Dialect]

If marriage is her immediate goal, I don't think she should be looking for a foreigner, no matter what language is spoken. In my experience, nothing ruins a foreign/Chinese relationship faster than the relentless pressure to get married. Some guys may cave into it, but they'll resent it later on unless they were really ready to get married in the first place. She'd really have to luck into a perfect set of circumstances -- a Chinese speaking guy who was ready to get married and fell in love with her right off the bat. While some relationships move fast, most foreign guys are not going to want to start talking marriage within the first few months of dating, and they'll resent being part of some plan to get married asap, because they want to be sure they're getting married for love, not because the girl has hit a magical point on some life timeline and the guy just happens to be there. Foreign relationships generally follow a pattern, and from meeting to marriage you could be looking at quite a few years, during which the guy may or may not even want to make a committment to "maybe" getting married in the future. Sure it sometimes happens fast in China, between foreigners and Chinese people, but I'm not sure that it would be a good idea to plan on it or even to jump into a quick marriage with a willing foreigner. 

But to simply answer the question of language, my husband doesn't speak English and I married him. I speak good Chinese though. I know foreign guys with good Chinese who date girls who don't speak English. But I do think there has to be a common language whether it is Chinese or English or Swahili or whatever. 

[Lotus Eater]

Many foreigners are also wary of entering into relationships with locals because they are concerned that the relationship is developed by the other partner merely to be taken to another country, and away from the more difficult living conditions in their home country. 

These 'visa marriages' are frequent enough to create mistrust in the foreigner, especially if the relationship is too hurried. 

Your sister should also be aware that many foreign men consider it very normal to have an extended sexual relationship prior to marriage.  AND.. that they see no problem in breaking up after a sexual relationship has commenced.  Many Chinese girls believe that once they have had sex with someone then they will naturally marry that person.  This is fairly rare now in the west.

Is she prepared for all of this??

[ericthered]

I both would and have. My Chinese is getting good enough for simple conversations. Honestly, I think the relationships I have had with girls who spoke little to no English is the reason my Chinese got beyond the zhege/nege stage. But it does take a lot of patience, for both parties involved...a lot, lot, lot of patience...