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Author Topic: Jokes from my trashbin  (Read 196711 times)

Granny Mae

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Re: Jokes from my trashbin
« Reply #1305 on: March 23, 2017, 10:02:34 PM »
The fork gets used a little later;preferably when they get home. afafafafaf

Granny Mae

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Re: Jokes from my trashbin
« Reply #1306 on: March 24, 2017, 10:08:27 PM »
Many a true word! uuuuuuuuuu

Three friends married women from different parts of the world.

The first man married a Greek girl. He told her that she was to do the dishes and house cleaning. It took a couple of days, but on the third day he came home to see a clean house and dishes washed and put away.

The second man married a Thai girl. He gave his wife orders that she was to do all the cleaning, dishes and the cooking. The first day he didn't see any results but the next day he saw it was better. By the third day he saw his house was clean, the dishes were done and there was a huge dinner on the table.

The third man married a girl from Australia. He ordered her to keep the house cleaned, dishes washed, lawn mowed, laundry washed and hot meals on the table for every meal. The first day he didn't see anything, the second day he didn't see anything either but by the third day, some of the swelling had gone down and he could see a little out of his left eye. His arm was healed enough that he could fix himself a sandwich and load the dishwasher. He still has some difficulty when he urinates.   :wtf:

AMonk

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Re: Jokes from my trashbin
« Reply #1307 on: March 25, 2017, 11:29:07 PM »
Two Blondes, Erica and Mary were having drinks and watching a movie at Mary's house. After the movie Erica got up to leave but realized it was pouring rain.
"You might as well stay the night instead of getting soaked," said Mary. "I'll go upstairs and fix up the spare room for you".
When Mary came back downstairs Erica was standing in the living room soaking wet."What happened?" she asked.
Erica replied, "I went home to get my pajamas".
Moderation....in most things...

Granny Mae

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Re: Jokes from my trashbin
« Reply #1308 on: April 15, 2017, 10:20:11 PM »
 •••

A man was driving along the highway, when he saw the Easter Bunny hopping across the middle of the road. He swerved to avoid hitting him, but to no avail. The basket of eggs went flying all over the place.

The driver, being a sensitive man as well as an animal lover, pulled over to the side of the road, and got out to see what had become of the Bunny carrying the basket. Much to his dismay, the Bunny was dead.

The driver felt guilty and began to cry.


A woman driving down the same highway saw the man crying on the side of the road and pulled over. She stepped out of her car and asked the man what was wrong.

"I feel terrible," he explained, "I accidentally hit the Easter Bunny and killed it. What should I do?"

The woman told the man not to worry. She knew exactly what to do. She went to her car, and pulled out a spray can. She walked over to the limp, dead Bunny, and sprayed the entire contents of the can onto the little furry animal.

Miraculously, the Easter Bunny came to back life, jumped up, picked up the spilled eggs and candy, waved its paw at the two humans and hopped on down the road. When he got 20 metres away, the Easter Bunny stopped, turned around, waved and hopped on down the road for another 20 metres, then turned, waved, hopped another 20 metres and waved again!

The man was astonished. He said to the woman, "What in heaven's name is in your spray can?" The woman turned the can around so that the man could read the label. It said: "Hair spray. Restores life to dead hair. Adds permanent wave."

Granny Mae

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Re: Jokes from my trashbin
« Reply #1309 on: April 15, 2017, 10:21:49 PM »
A farmer plays a prank on Easter Sunday. After the egg hunt, he sneaks into the chicken coop and replaces every white egg with a brightly coloured one.

Minutes later, the rooster walks in. He spots the coloured eggs, then storms out and beats up the peacock

Granny Mae

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Re: Jokes from my trashbin
« Reply #1310 on: April 20, 2017, 10:04:56 PM »
A man walks into a chemist with his eight-year-old son. They walk by the condom display, and the boy asks, “What are these, Dad?”

To which the dad pragmatically replies, “Those are called condoms, son. Men use them to have safe sex.”

“Oh, I see,” the boy says, pensively. “I’ve heard of that in health class at school.” He looks over the display, picks up a package of three, and asks, “Why are there three in this package?”

The dad replies, “Those are for high school boys, one for Friday, one for Saturday, and one for Sunday.”


“Cool,” says the boy. He notices a six-pack and asks, “Then, who are these for?”

“Those are for college men,” the dad answers. “Two for Friday, two for Saturday, and two for Sunday.”

“Wow!” exclaims the boy. “Then, who uses these?” he asks, picking up a 12-pack.

With a sigh and a tear in his eye, the dad replies, “Those are for married men. One for January, one for February, one for March …” :wtf: uuuuuuuuuu