What's up with Scotland?

http://bodyodd.msnbc.msn.com/

I love it. I'm American, but my ancestors came from Scotland. Any Scotsmen/women on here who can answer the question, why are you living like rock stars?

Och, laddie, I thin' they're bein' a mite roof, noo.

There are perfectly straightforward reasons for all of this.

The diet is dictated partly by geography (which can only support oats, kale, and sheep), and by the echoing influences of Calvinism (which produces a subconscious desire to avoid material pleasures in order to expiate one's sins). Add in the fact that all Scottish cuisine is based entirely on a dare ("Ye'll nae ea' THA', Angus MacDrydock, ya wee girlie-mon!") and the food starts to make sense.

Drinking? Well, bear in mind that Scotland is simply crawling with venomous reptiles, and so it's vitally important to remain extremely relaxed at all times. And you'll need a bit o' warmth now and again...th' wither is nae sa gude.

Exercise? Out of the question. Th' wither is nae sa gude. And, of course, there are all those snakes to worry over. In fact, keeping the reptiles at bay is why most Scottish sports involve heaving objects that are either large and heavy (cabers) or completely disgusting (haggis). While curling does prove to be helpful in keeping the deadly ice-loving White Mamba away, it actually began as- and still is- a huge national inside joke. Long ago a group of Scots, well into their cups, devised the silliest game they could possibly dream up. Their purpose was twofold: to hornswoggle the Canadians into taking it seriously, and ultimately to try and get it named an Olympic sport. And it must be conceded- their devious plans have proven spectacularly successful.

Smoking? Well, of course everyone knows that smoking is really cool...and no one is cooler than the Scots.

So, put together, it all makes sense.
The years may be few...but they'll be damn fine.

Hey zero, what's the difference between a Scotsman and the Rolling Stones?

The Stones sing, "Hey, you, get off of my cloud"

and a Scotsman sings, "Hey, McCloud, get off of my ewe"    

scotland has always had a big drinking culture but in recent history the british government pretty much abandoned most of the working class in scotland

tthe whole hard drinking/deep fried mars bars thing is funny in a way, but there is a serious side as well, some of the poor areas in glasgow have life expectancies like 56!

traditionally scottish culture is hard working and hard drinking, but with no jobs they replaced the hard working with more drinking. the poverty in some parts of scotland is shocking, since british industry went to crap in the 80s parts of england and scotland you just grow up assuming you won't get a job. some of the people who left school with no expectations of being able to work or be part of society are now grandparents with kids who grew up the same and if nothing changes grandkids who will think the same....

On my visits to Scotland I have found the Scots a wonderful, friendly and not as miserable-as-fuck bunch that the rest of us (or is that only the English) are led to believe. Their lifestyle is pretty unhealthy though, not just related to politics kitano. Some things are just culturally indemic and with their scenery they could easily hike a day or two, in a kilt for the novelty factor, and burn off some calories.

Sean Connery has "Scotland Forever" tattooed on his arm. That is cool.

Thing is, he left and has been living in the south of Spain for about 20 years!

...something more I want to add:

if you do venture into Scotland try to get to the small (tiny) islands in the far north. They are isolated and riddled with ancient village ruins and stone circles. Literally, two fields from the next is yet another, easily accessible, ancient dwelling and so on.

One of my life's missions is to get up there. I also recommend the Isle of Skye!

http://www.mr-photography.com/galleries/skye05/index.htm

You can take a Harry Potter style train from Fort William to the coast for the boat crossing.

if you do venture into Scotland try to get to the small (tiny) islands in the far north. They are isolated and riddled with ancient village ruins and stone circles. Literally, two fields from the next is yet another, easily accessible, ancient dwelling and so on.

Yeah, I'd like to do that. My family name is Harris, so I think I had ancestors up that way. Probably shepherds, fishermen or pirates. I want a nice Harris tweed jacket.

What's not?  

There is an area of Glasgow (Calton) where the average life expectancy of a local is only 55, I found this article which is a couple of years old:
http://news.bbc.co.uk/1/hi/scotland/glasgow_and_west/7584450.stm

Yeah, I'd like to do that. My family name is Harris, so I think I had ancestors up that way. Probably shepherds, fishermen or pirates. I want a nice Harris tweed jacket.

I could hear it now, in a very heavy Scottish brogue;

"Gi' me ya fish aund yur sheeeeeeep, ya nasty scurvy heathen, aaaargg"

Don't forget that much of Scotland was settled by viking raiders during the eighth, ninth and tenth centuries.

firrrrrrst, ye steal thair houses,then ye burn thair wimmin, then ye rape thair sheep.Then we go for a pint and go home.
Na, tha's not it. firrrrst, ye steal thair wimmin, then ye burn thair sheep, then ye rape thair houses. Then we go for a pint and go home.
Na, tha's not it neither. Ye canna burn a wet sheep.
Is so.
Is na.
Is so.
Is na.
F that, then. Let's just go for a pint then. We can pick up a couple sheep on the way home.
Just don't take the two ewes ye set afire yestidy.

This oldie but goodie needs to be added in this thread:
http://www.weemickleoengalish.com/

H/T to RD

Going to Edinburgh on Tuesday.  

latefordinner, that was so fricken funny, I could actually picture the exchange

Apologies to all for not having been on the site for some time. I am no longer in China but still visit the Saloon from time to time and would like to say a big "hullo therr" to you all. Being a Glaswegian Scot I had a chuckle and a groan at some of the comments on this thread, all perfectly valid and funny.

Just a wee aside.........I now live just outside a Scottish town named Larkhall, I say "just outside" as I am ashamed at the reputation this town has historically with sectarianism, which is an ongoing struggle to lose. 

When a local Subway opened it had to ditch it's green and gold exterior (green = Catholic, Celtic football team etc. The green traffic go light has wire mesh over it as people throw stones at it.

I have nothing much to add to what Kitano and others have written. Scotland is a beautiful country, the people are friendly, the weather is mostly crap and depressing and if any of you 'loonies manage to visit here please drop me an email as I would love to extend some guid auld Glaswegian Scottish hospitality to you.    Cheerio the noo and lang may yer lum reek! 

I would love to extend some guid auld Glaswegian Scottish hospitality to you.    Cheerio the noo and lang may yer lum reek! 

Did she just put a spell on us?