Jokes from my trashbin

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teleplayer

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Re: Jokes from my trashbin
« Reply #180 on: September 25, 2007, 04:38:39 AM »
PSYCHOPATH TEST

Read this question, come up with an answer and then scroll down to the
bottom for the result. This is not a trick question. It is as it reads.
No one I know has gotten it right.



A woman, while at the funeral of her own mother, met a male stranger.

She thought this guy was amazing. She believed him to be her dream guy so much,

that she fell in love with him right there, but never asked for his number and could

not find him. A few days later she killed her sister.

Question: What is her motive for killing her sister?

Give this some thought before you answer; see answer below.

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Answer:

She was hoping the guy would appear at the funeral again. If you

answered this correctly, you think like a psychopath. This was a test

by a famous American psychologist used to test if one has the same

mentality as a killer. Many arrested serial killers took part in the

test and answered the question correctly.



If you didn't answer the question correctly, good for you.

If you got the answer correct, please let me know so I can take you

off my e-mail list.

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Stil

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Re: Jokes from my trashbin
« Reply #181 on: September 25, 2007, 06:08:50 AM »
Uh oh. I got this one right. Didn't have to think long either, it seemed quite obvious. alalalalal

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AMonk

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Re: Jokes from my trashbin
« Reply #182 on: September 25, 2007, 10:02:09 AM »
But you'd seen it before, hadn't you?...........I hope aoaoaoaoao
Moderation....in most things...

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Mr Nobody

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Re: Jokes from my trashbin
« Reply #183 on: September 25, 2007, 01:43:04 PM »
I'm a little concerned that there is a Doctor who invented that little question. I mean, how does he know that's how a psychopath would answer it that way, and if so, how did he know that the psychopath would?

There are a lot of questions about this question in my mind, many are worrying.
Just another roadkill on the information superhighway.

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Stil

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Re: Jokes from my trashbin
« Reply #184 on: September 25, 2007, 03:47:54 PM »
But you'd seen it before, hadn't you?...........I hope aoaoaoaoao

No.

What other answer is there if the murder of her sister is related to her mother's funeral?

Collecting ALL the inheritance?
She knew her sister killed her mother so she killed her sister?
The man was Satan and 'turned' her evil?
She murdered her her mother and then her sister because murdering is just darn good fun?
She's a woman and no one could possibly understand her motives for doing anything?

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Lotus Eater

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Re: Jokes from my trashbin
« Reply #185 on: September 25, 2007, 05:21:38 PM »
I answered this one right too - so I am off the email list as well.

But ....  in my defence I worked with criminals for 11 years and learned how to understand their thinking patterns!!

I figured it was pretty obvious as well.

And I think it is urban myth about the Dr. and the question.

Re: Jokes from my trashbin
« Reply #186 on: September 27, 2007, 05:49:23 AM »
Jay Leno went into the audience to find the most embarrassing first date that a woman ever had. 

The winner described her worst first date experience. There was absolutely no question as to why her tale took the prize!

She said it was midwinter...  Snowing and quite cold...and the guy had taken her skiing in the mountains outside Salt Lake City, Utah.

It was a day trip (no overnight). They were strangers, after all, and truly had never met before.

The outing was fun but relatively uneventful until they were headed home late that afternoon.

They were driving back down the mountain, when she gradually began to realize that she should not have had that extra latte.

They were about an hour away from anywhere with a rest room and in the middle of nowhere!

Her companion suggested she try to hold it, which she did for a while.

Unfortunately, because of the heavy snow and slow going, there came a point where she told him that he had better stop and let her go beside the road. They stopped and she quickly crawled out beside the car, yanked her pants down and started.

In the deep snow she didn't have good footing, so she let her butt rest against the rear fender to steady herself.

Her companion stood on the side of the car watching for traffic and indeed was a real gentleman and refrained from peeking. All she could think about was the relief she felt despite the rather embarrassing nature of the situation.  Upon finishing however, she soon became aware of another sensation.

As she bent to pull up her pants, the young lady discovered her buttocks were firmly glued against the car's fender.

Thoughts of tongues frozen to poles immediately came to mind as she attempted to disengage her flesh from the icy metal.  It was quickly apparent that she had a brand new problem due to the extreme cold.

Horrified by her plight and yet aware of the humor of the moment, she answered her date's concerns about "what is taking so long" with a reply that indeed, she was "freezing her butt off" and in need of some assistance!

He came around the car as she tried to cover herself with her sweater and then, as she looked imploringly into his eyes, he burst out laughing.

She too, got the giggles and when they finally managed to compose themselves, they assessed her dilemma.

Obviously, as hysterical as the situation was, they also were faced with a real problem. Both agreed it would take something hot to free her chilly cheeks from the grip of the icy metal!

Thinking about what had gotten her into the predicament in the first place, both quickly realized that there was only one way to get her free.

So, as she looked the other way, her first-time date proceeded to unzip his pants and pee her butt off the fender.  As the audience screamed in laughter, she took the Tonight Show prize hands down. Or perhaps that should be "pants down."  And you thought your first date was embarrassing.
And there is no liar like the indignant man... -Nietszche

Nothing is so fatiguing as the eternal hanging on of an uncompleted task. -William James

englishmoose.com

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teleplayer

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Re: Jokes from my trashbin
« Reply #187 on: September 27, 2007, 09:55:06 AM »
Subject: The latest from the Annals of Improbable Research

"Spectroscopic Discrimination of Shit from Shinola" by Thomas H. Painter, Michael E. Schaepman, Wolf Schweizer and Jason Brazile. We conducted an experiment to determine whether people can tell shit from Shinola (a brand of shoe polish once manufactured in the United States). We find that to the human eye, the two substances are inseparable given similar morphology, whereas with near-infrared spectroscopy one is easily distinguished from the other.

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Mr Nobody

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Re: Jokes from my trashbin
« Reply #188 on: September 27, 2007, 01:39:25 PM »
Subject: The latest from the Anals of Improbable Research

"Spectroscopic Discrimination of Shit from Shinola" by Thomas H. Painter, Michael E. Schaepman, Wolf Schweizer and Jason Brazile.


I think there is a mispelling there.
Just another roadkill on the information superhighway.

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Bugalugs

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Re: Jokes from my trashbin
« Reply #189 on: September 28, 2007, 01:52:38 AM »
Two Aussies

Two Aussies, Davo and Johnno, were adrift on a lifeboat. While rummaging
through the boats provisions, Davo stumbled across an old lamp. He rubbed
the lamp vigorously and a genie came forth.

This genie, however, stated that he could only deliver one wish, not the
standard three.

Without giving much thought to the matter, Davo blurted out, ³turn the
entire ocean into beer. Make that Victorian bitter!²

The genie clapped his hands with a deafening crash and immediately the sea
turned into the hard earned thirst quencher.

The genie vanished.

Only the gentle lapping of beer on the hull broke the stillness as the two
men considered their circumstances.


Johnno looked disgustedly at Davo whose wish had been granted. After a long,
tension-filled moment Johnno said, ³Nice going, idiot! Now we¹re going to
have to p*iss in the boat.²
Good girls are made from sugar and spice, I am made from Vodka and ice

Do you have and ID Ten T error??

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Bugalugs

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Re: Jokes from my trashbin
« Reply #190 on: September 28, 2007, 01:59:50 AM »
ACTUAL AUSTRALIAN COURT DOCKET 12659---CASE OF THE PREGNANT LADY

A lady about 8 months pregnant got on a bus. She noticed the man opposite her was smiling at her. She immediately moved to another seat. This time the smile turned into a grin, so she moved again. The man seemed more amused. When on the fourth move, the man burst out laughing, she complained to the driver and he had the man arrested.

The case came up in court.

The judge asked the man (about 20 years old) what he had to say for himself.

The man replied, 'Well your Honor, it was like this, when the lady got on the bus, I couldn't help but notice her condition. She sat down under a sign that said, 'The Double Mint Twins are coming' and I grinned. Then she moved and sat under a sign that said, 'Logan's Liniment will reduce the swelling,' and I had to smile. Then she placed herself under a deodorant sign that said, 'William's Big Stick Did the Trick,' and I could hardly contain myself. But, Your Honor, when She moved the fourth time and sat under a sign that said, 'Goodyear Rubber could have prevented this Accident'... I just lost it.'

'CASE DISMISSED!!'
Good girls are made from sugar and spice, I am made from Vodka and ice

Do you have and ID Ten T error??

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Lotus Eater

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Re: Jokes from my trashbin
« Reply #191 on: September 28, 2007, 06:18:02 AM »
I loved the 2 Aussies - definitely made me laugh out loud!

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Bugalugs

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Re: Jokes from my trashbin
« Reply #192 on: September 29, 2007, 12:11:48 AM »
Aussie Love Poem.

Of course I love ya darlin
You're a bloody  top-notch bird
And when I say  you're gorgeous
I mean  every single word
So ya bum is on  the big side
I don't mind a  bit of flab
It means that  when I'm ready
There's  somethin there to grab
So your belly  isn't flat no more
I tell ya, I  don't care
So long  as  when I cuddle ya
I can get  my arms round there
No  sheila  who is your age
Has nice  round perky breasts
They  just  gave in  to gravity
But I  know ya did ya best
I'm tellin' ya  the truth now
I never  tell ya lies
I think  its very  sexy
That you've got  dimples on ya thighs
I swear on me  nanna's grave now
The  moment that we met
I  thought  you was as  good as
I was  ever gonna get
No  matter what u look like
I'll always love ya dear
Now shut up while the footy's on
And fetch another beer.
Good girls are made from sugar and spice, I am made from Vodka and ice

Do you have and ID Ten T error??

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teleplayer

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Re: Jokes from my trashbin
« Reply #193 on: September 29, 2007, 12:44:25 PM »
Subject: The latest from the Anals of Improbable Research

"Spectroscopic Discrimination of Shit from Shinola" by Thomas H. Painter, Michael E. Schaepman, Wolf Schweizer and Jason Brazile.


I think there is a mispelling there.
Yes, you are correct. What did you expect me to do for the jokes in the trash bin, verify the source?  bibibibibi Now when we do the "get some dirt" on anybody, nobody, and somebody undercover trash snoop that's a little more exacting checks of sources and info.  afafafafaf
For the AIR: http://www.improb.com/
However, if you scroll over the logo her: http://thefuntimesguide.com/2005/06/improbable.php it will come up with the misspelling which is probably not all that improbably a typo.
« Last Edit: September 29, 2007, 12:45:59 PM by teleplayer »

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Acjade

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Re: Jokes from my trashbin
« Reply #194 on: September 30, 2007, 12:13:34 AM »
A very overweight Irishman went to the doctor.

The doctor handed him a strict diet plan. "Eat only the reccommended food for two weeks skipping every second day."

After two weeks the man had lost at least 60lbs. "You look wonderful," the doctor told him. "Did you have any trouble sticking to the diet?"

" Not at all.It was the skippin that nearly feckin killed me."