Advice needed concerning TA situation...

I was advised to re-post this issue here.  Your help is appreciated...  I just started a new corporate training gig the first week of September for an MNC and they assigned a very useful TA to help me. They pay her well (7,500 per month to work 16 hours per week - just for my course). Anyway about a week ago she started telling me that her birthday was coming up on October 16th, and maybe she told me three times already.  Then just before the holiday break she asked me what I was going to get her for her birthday?!?  She took me by surprise with this as I was only planning to treat her to lunch at the Hilton buffet since it is across the street from us.  Now yesterday, I was going through some lesson material to make a ppt, and I found a page tore out of Cosmo magazine with a big ad for Coco Chanel perfume inserted in the middle of my printout that she put on my desk!  The perfume is in the $400 range and I never spent that much on a TA before, and this one I have known for only 3 weeks! How do I handle this situation without embarrassing this girl or pissing her off or sending her the wrong signal?  Thanks.

Just take her to lunch. If you do more, I suspect the birthday is only the 'start'. I wouldn't spend $400 on perfume if I was doin' her.   

Wagner, I am just an old lady who has never worked in China. My observations here in Australia are that a lot of Chinese folk, that I see at the Casino in Brisbane, appear opportunistic. This young lady would appear to be able to fit in nicely. I really get annoyed at this type of behaviour and find it hard to comprehend that she would even suggest that you buy her anything at all let alone an expensive gift.   My suggestion is that you only take her to lunch, (if you really have to acknowledge her birthday at all),tell her very little about your business and then I would avoid contact with her wherever possible. I expect that she has heard that many foreign males are easy targets. I personally would not worry about pissing her off. You seem a nice considerate young person; please don't let that be used against you and to her advantage.

Is the story real? It doesn't seem real.

Maybe you could leave a few pages from a magazine or two for her to find.  Make sure they are explicit and tally up accordingly.  Either one of two outcomes will probably happen as a result.  Who knows?  It may very well be a win-win situation.

You ARE aware the many Chinese people take birthdays very seriously?  Even so, IMHO she is being a tad overzealous and a wee bit opportunistic.

You could try explaining to her that while you value her assistance (and had already made plans/reservations to take her for a luncheon at the Hilton), many Westerners often ignore their Natal Days - *I* certainly do!  You might/could ask her if she would prefer the more traditional "Red Envelope". 
NOTE - This would be "instead of" the lunch, not "as well as" the lunch.

Good Luck

I think this story is not real. The old school mercenary China girl preying on foreigners is several years out of date. And it generally requires that you've been touching the TAs Ts and A already. Mercenary China girls, especially mercenary China girls with a salary, are more upscale these days. Their targets are generally younger, slimmer, and yellower. I believe we are being presented with a hate meme and being offered the opportunity to be old fat white men who complain about China. The country has moved on, and we might do well to do so too.

...

If he's CFTU he should STFU... and go away.

Thanks for the advice guys. Most of you were helpful.  I will limit my expenses to the 150 yuan buffet.

Why would you do even that? In other posts you're concerned about scams, but here casual extortion by a colleague of three weeks earns a rueful shake of the head and a free meal? I don't get it.

She's Chinese and foreign workers are labor so alienated from their rights they can't fight the graft, theft, scams, and corruption? This is a case study in how Chinese, especially females, can't be professional?

Corporate training gigs require teaching assistants?


A few more details might make this story hang together better.

I think you should look beyond the immediate problem.  I have to work with this girl for the next 6 months. She has a longer relationship with the company that I do. I am the newbie trying to  make a good impression.  I don't want to alienate anyone at a job that pays 500 yuan per hour.  Do you greet every new user with paranoia and skepticism?  Newbies like me will not stay around very long if they have to explain reasons behind every comment they post. Don't take it personal but this forum was supposed to be a friendly one and that is why I came here. Anyway, I hope you understand why I am a little concerned about this TA. She can make me look bad or good in Chinese and with my limited Mandarin, I would not even know it.

Thanks for the advice guys. Most of you were helpful.  I will limit my expenses to the 150 yuan buffet.

This seems reasonable.

You don't want to alienate someone who has, out of nowhere, an unprofessional, possibly extortionate expectation? Because this imaginary friend has merely a longer relationship with the company than you? *Why* are you concerned that merely blowing off a weird demand will come back to haunt you? *Why* do you believe this is any kind of real issue? A TA making oddball suggestions is a reason to worry, but it will stick to you only if you have no resources at all for dealing with unprofessional behaviour. That's what you've left out. You did not explain why you have no option but to entertain this bad behaviour. It leaves the story sounding like a rhetorical device. Or made up.

OK - Going a bit Off Topic here -

Do you greet every new user with paranoia and skepticism?  Newbies like me will not stay around very long if they have to explain reasons behind every comment they post. Don't take it personal but this forum was supposed to be a friendly one and that is why I came here.

We ARE friendly.  However, we don't know you - yet.  In my country, we first say, "Good morning" before we begin a dialogue. 
Respectfully, you came on here with both barrels blazing, and a slew of links to various and sundry sites.  The impression you gave was rather ... evangelical fanatical fiery.  Whilst we can understand your frustration with some aspects of the EFL situation in PRC, it is not our purview to police other sites.  We are more like the bar in Cheers that you come to after work.  The place to relax, let down your hair and schmooze.  Maybe b!tch.  Maybe get some advice.  Maybe just jell. 
In any case, we need time to get to know you.  And you need time to get to know us, too.  Relax, pull up a stool and I'll buy the first round


** You may now return to the Topic at hand