USA Customs form. What happens if I check yes to...

Ever look closely at all those fun questions on the US Customs form?  In addition to the one about bring in food (I always get extra special attention for that), there's one about whether or not you've visited any sort of farm or pasture type area.

What happens if you say yes?  I have this worry that I and my luggage will be dipped in bleach and then held in quarantine for a month.  Since my typical visit to the US now is only for 2 weeks, that would prove to be a but awkward.

I did check "yes" last time through because I had been hiking in the mountains a few days earlier. They asked me to open my bag and show them the shoes I had worn. They took a quick look at the soles and waved me and my shoes on our way through.

Thanks for the info.  Doesn't sound nearly as exciting as getting searched because of carrying mooncakes.

Simple answer .....don't tick "yes".

Simple answer .....don't tick "yes".

A bad idea, even for Gerge. If you don't declare something, and it turns up in a search, the consequences are terrible indeed...fines, jail, forcible sodomy, etc. And they've gotten very, very good at searching bags...

When I returned to the USA the last time, I'd brought a bag of meat horrors with which to freak out the locals...duck tongues, chicken feet, bull penis "beef" sticks, and so on. I noticed the Customs form asked about meat products, so I checked 'yes'.

When my turn in the line came, the agent asked if I knew I had checked 'yes', and whether I intended to do so. When I confirmed, the guy seemed absolutely stunned. He turned to other agents and said, "Hey, this guy said yes on something!" The other agents looked shocked in their turn. It was kind of like no one had ever said 'yes' before and they weren't sure how to deal with it.

They pulled my freaky meat out of my suitcase, waved the rest through, and thanked me for my honesty and patriotism. That was it!

As with other official dealings, honesty is usually the best policy.

They pulled my freaky meat out of my suitcase

Gee, that'd be a great stand-alone sentence.

Unlike Raoul's. . . freaky meat, one doesn't usually carry back a farm in one's suitcase.  I don't think they could "prove" whether or not I'd been on one, as long as none of the sheep post any baaaad pics.

Still, I've usually got enough other intriguing items with me that I'd rather avoid any Imperial entanglements.  Sometimes, admitting to one thing distracts attention away from other items.

I'm a little disappointed that answering Yes won't at least get me thrown into some sort of decontamination booth.

Unlike Raoul's. . . freaky meat, one doesn't usually carry back a farm in one's suitcase.  I don't think they could "prove" whether or not I'd been on one, as long as none of the sheep post any baaaad pics.

This wasn't about being on a farm. Even processed and shrink-wrapped meats are prohibited.

Sometimes, admitting to one thing distracts attention away from other items.

Indeed...very much so.

I'm a little disappointed that answering Yes won't at least get me thrown into some sort of decontamination booth.

Tell them your toiletries are really variant strains of the Marburg virus.

Marburg?  Why not go all the way and say "I wasn't on a farm, but I've just tested positive for Ebola zaire.  Looks close.  Can you see the blood starting to drip from my eyes?"

So far, the worst thing customs has done was to confiscate half the mooncakes since they had eggs in them.  Somehow they missed all those low priced DVDs.  They must be legal copies, since they sell them at a shop right above WalMart, right?   It's not like there's a question on the form about "Did you verify that all the items you are carrying are not in violation of intellectual property laws?"  (When I get assigned to a 5 year stretch in Club Fed, please send me a cake with a file inside.)

On a related note, I spoke with customs agents at the New York Times Travel Show on Saturday. I asked what needs to be declared if I'm an expat moving back to the US. They didn't know. I was told the best bet was to just declare anything of value that isn't a household item that was purchased while living abroad.

I enjoy confusing people.

Just remember, all that computer hardware and all those priceless artifacts are household items.

Customs isn't the only organization that makes border-crossing requirements...they're mostly about blocking dangerous items and collecting taxes for luxury goods purchased abroad. The Department of Agriculture is where the meat and fruit rules come from.