Four Boyfriends

Now see, I think this is weird.  This is a chain letter thing I somehow got a while back and rediscovered today cleaning out my inbox.  It's a morality tale, but it incorporates the novel idea that girls can have more than one boyfriend.  How can they possibly do that and remain good girls?

And that's a thing I have always wondered.  See, supposedly, there isn't a big boyfriend-girlfriend culture in China, but people don't get married at 16 anymore.  Indeed, ask anyone (with family and money enough to be at university) and they'll lay claim to planning on postponing marriage until 26, or even 28.  So, ages 16 to 26, what are they doing, playing cards? 

This morality tale opens with a "shocking" statement about a girl, and goes on to give us a lesson about spirituality but without once ever even condemning the shocking statement.  The "shock" isn't even part of the story.

It's a mystery.


This is something to think about: 4 BOYFRIENDS


Once upon a time there was this girl who had four boyfriends.

She loved the 4th boyfriend the most and adorned him with rich robes and treated him to the finest of delicacies. She gave him nothing but the best

She also loved the 3rd boyfriend very much and was always showing him off to neighbouring kingdoms. However, she feared that one day he would leave her for another.

She also loved her 2nd boyfriend. He was her confidant and was always kind, considerate and patient with her. Whenever this girl faced a problem, she could confide in him, and he would help her get through the difficult times.

The girl's 1st boyfriend was a very loyal partner and had made great contributions in maintaining her wealth and kingdom. However, she did not love the first boyfriend.
Although he loved her deeply, she hardly took notice of him!

One day, the girl fell ill and she knew her time was short. She thought of her luxurious life and wondered, I now have four boyfriends with me, but when I die, I'll be all alone.'

Thus, she asked the 4th boyfriend, 'I loved you the most, endowed you with the finest clothing and showered great care over you. Now that I'm dying, will you follow me and keep me company?'

'No way!', replied the 4th boyfriend, and he walked away without another word.

His answer cut like a sharp knife right into her heart.

The sad girl then asked the 3rd boyfriend, 'I loved you all my life. Now that I'm dying, will you follow me and keep me company?'

'No!', replied the 3rd boyfriend. 'Life is too good! When you die, I'm going to marry someone else!'

Her heart sank and turned cold.

She then asked the 2nd boyfriend, 'I have always

turned to you for help and you've always been there for me. When I die, will you follow me and keep me company?'

'I'm sorry, I can't help you out this time!', replied the 2nd boyfriend. 'At the very most, I can only walk with you to your grave.'

His answer struck her like a bolt of lightning, and the girl was devastated.

Then a voice called out: 'I'll go with you. I'll follow you no matter where you go.'

The girl looked up, and there was her first boyfriend. He was very skinny as he suffered from malnutrition and neglect.

Greatly grieved, the girl said, 'I should have taken much better care of you when I had the chance!'

In truth, you have 4 boyfriends in your lives:

Your 4th boyfriend is your body. No matter how much time and effort you lavish in making it look good, it will leave you when you die.

Your 3rd boyfriend is your possessions, status and wealth. When you die, it will all go to others.

Your 2nd boyfriend is your family and friends. No matter how much they have been there for you, the furthest they can stay by you is up to the grave.

And your 1st boyfriend is your Soul. Often neglected in pursuit of wealth, power and pleasures of the world.

However, your Soul is the only thing that will follow you where ever you go. Cultivate, strengthen and cherish it now, for it is the only part of you that will follow you to the throne of God and continue with you throughout Eternity.

Thought for the day: Remember, when the world pushes you to your knees, you're in the perfect position to pray.

Pass this one to someone you care about - I just did.

It sounds like a missionary type inspired story, I am not sure it originate from Chinese tradition/culture.

gay

Last year, I had my then second year students giving a speech at the start of each lesson.  The topic was of their choosing, something they had read, something they had done, or whatever they liked.

One of the boys told this story, but said that it was a King with four wives.  He did an excellent job of putting the story over, and the other students were quite moved, as he was usually a rather quiet boy, but most of them had heard it before, and it seemed to be accepted as an 'old' Chinese legend.

Lin
Zhaoqing, Guangdong.

 

gay

How do you know?

I'm putting it all under the Lies, Damn Lies and Culture heading.  Or as kitano succinctly pointed out, "gay".  It's queer, it's odd, it's hiding something.  And it's out there.

Or as kitano succinctly pointed out, "gay".  It's queer, it's odd, it's hiding something.  And it's out there.

Why?  To Kitano for the 'gay' comment and to Calach for the 'queer, odd, hiding something' comment.

Because it refers to an explicitly rejected lifestyle without comment.

Either it's dumb proselytizing or there's something afoot in Chinese youth culture that allows multiple partners now.

Or it's actually quite well directed proselytizing, meant for girls who have lost their way in the confusing new open world of young China today.

And how many of them are there?  Amongst the grrrls I knew, purity was a forlorn wish, long lost and bearing no particular relation to actual activity.  However, doubtless there are other kinds of lifestyles out there too, so what kind of sample size was I really talking too?

Still... sex.  And the monitoring of sexual activity.  It means something.

I just don't see any sex there.  Why can't it be the moral story told by Chinalin's student but from a modern female perspective?

By itself it is exactly that, a pleasant and meaningful story with a heartfelt gotcha at the end to make one think.

But if on puts it in a context of modern yoof culture in China such as I or perhaps others know it, it's got a fairly big "WHUT?!" point right at the start.  Like, walk into any ESL classroom and say, "There's this girl--she had four boyfriends" and what will you hear from the class?  They'll whoop it up, won't they?  Because they know what (any number more than one) boyfriends means.

But, reality does not seem to match up too well with that reaction.  Like, occasionally, in the right company, I used to toss out a supposedly scientific observation about campus life, namely, the difference between a good girl and a "girl with a boyfriend, nudge nudge wink wink" was high heels.  Girls who have had sex wear high heels.  (And as a specious further observation, I would claim that most girls were wearing high heels by second year.)

That's really just a way of pointing out that what was going on all around people was different from what people said was going on.

And I always used to wonder at the disparity between what people said they expected and what they ended up doing, just like everyone else.  And I used to wonder how the culture was going to incorporate these things, if it hadn't already. 

So, on the look out for proofs or disproofs, I read that chain letter.  And passed it on.

I think there is something we can all take from this - and that's if you have a girlfriend, she is probably cheating on you with at least 3 other guys. 

I'm not bitter.

By the way, I can't be the only guy who gets Chinese girls telling him they are a 'traditional' or 'good' girl within roughly five minutes of meeting them.  I get this all the time, to the extent that I actually look out for how long it takes a woman to say it.  And it's not like I am even putting the moves on them - they just come out with it, like some sort of peremptory defence that excuses and explains all subsequent behaviour.

I think there is something we can all take from this - and that's if you have a girlfriend, she is probably cheating on you with at least 3 other guys. 

I'm not bitter.

It's okay: if you're loyal, you can go with her when she's dead.

My God, how deep does this rabbit hole go?!

Maybe I'd better quit telling students I had many boyfriends before I got married. 

gay

 
I just PMSL'd at that!! Good one! (yeah, I know, I've a typical non-PC Canadian mentality - it's all good!!  )

If you toss this quote

And your 1st boyfriend is your Soul. Often neglected in pursuit of wealth, power and pleasures of the world.

However, your Soul is the only thing that will follow you where ever you go. Cultivate, strengthen and cherish it now, for it is the only part of you that will follow you to the throne of God and continue with you throughout Eternity.

into google, you will get about 7 or 8 pages of references quoting this story.

My guess is that it has been written up in something like the equivalent of "Chicken Soup for Chinese teens" or one of the Crazy English or equivalent type magazines and that is why they all know it.

It seems to have been doing the rounds outside China for quite a while.






But I think four boyfriends (Please note I did NOT say husbands!  That is way too much pain!) is just about right.  One to shower me with riches, one handsome one to go out with, one to talk with, one to adore me.  Sounds just right.