I was going to break out the one about floridation being a Soviet plot and see if I could get Cheeky to argue with me about it.
I've actually got a book on the evil Russkie fluoridation plot buried somewhere in my collection.
One has to be careful with the terminology on these issues.
'flUoridation'- the process of adding fluorine salts to drinking water- is a perfectly safe process, made in America, and essential for good dental health and hygiene. It's a good thing and 100% conspiracy-free.
'Floridation'- the process of turning the entire USA into Florida- is a pernicious product of the Soviet Union, the International Communist Conspiracy, and their ultimate arch-overlords: The Disney Corporation. Florida is notorious as a land of fruits and nuts; the blazing sun and the omnipresent overpowering narcotic reek of tanning lotion make it impossible for even well-meaning people to think clearly there. This made Florida the perfect place for Disney to base its plans for global domination, and they have filled the place with millions of mouse-ear-wearing Commies- many recruited from nearby Cuba. Over the last 8 decades millions of innocent children have been receiving subliminal Disney messages preparing them to accept collectivization of agriculture and industry, a fondness for palm trees and flamingos, and an otherwise inexplicable suppressed appetite for Conch Fritters and vodka shots. Floridation is EVIL- it's the REAL "Miami Vice"- and we must not allow our guard to rest for even a single second.
Sadly, the Floridation Conspiracy reaches to the very top levels of the American government, and many well-intentioned Conservatives are actually its primary dupes. Why do you think George W. Bush had his own brother governing Florida, this last truly dangerous so-called "People's Republic"? How else do you think they were able to use Florida (or "Floridska", as it's sometimes known) to engineer the defeat of Al Gore- A Bugs-Bunny-watching patriot whose environmental emphasis posed a grave danger to the entire Floridation Conspiracy?
Which brings me to my conclusion: Before you laugh me off as just another conspiracy nut, let me say just two words:
GLOBAL WARMINGIt's hard to build new theme parks in cold places, isn't it?
This, ultimately, is why the Soviet Union failed!So...what can YOU do? It's simple:
1) Drink only pure, natural, melamine-free 100% Brazilian orange juice.
2) Keep your kids away from Disney products; read to them from the works of Alexander Solzhenitsyn instead.
3) Don't support sports teams with Commie names like "Devil Rays", "Buccaneers", or "Seminoles".
4) Help fight Global Warming by always running your air conditioners full-blast, with all the doors and windows open.
5) Write your government today and DEMAND ACTION!
As for Hossuru: Despite what he thinks, he didn't have trouble here because of his conservative views per se. He had trouble here because he behaved like a belligerent dickhead.