For People Married to Chinese: What are some of the most DIFFICULT problems.

I didn't know that not having places for things was a "chinese thing", hahah, but I've been trying to convince my wife for ages of the wisdom my dad taught me long ago that if you put your _____ in the same spot every time, you'll always know where it is.

I guess we have some of the problems mentioned already. She likes to tell people she barely knows stupid stories about me. I don't care about that too much, I'm pretty self-depreciating anyways. The irony is that I was scolded by friends for telling an embarrassing story about myself once (Chinese people don't talk about themselves like that). Our relationship is also conducted in my second language, and my Chinese isn't very good at all, so there's a lot of mention of that "<modifier> <modifier> <modifier> thing", all with the wrong tones. That doesn't matter that much either, since she can understand me even if no one else does (by the way, total immersion doesn't really help you learn a language without lots of studying, at least not with Chinese). I'm also fine with the flow of the money. On payday, the money goes in my wallet, the wallet goes to my wife who takes what she needs, then it goes to her mother who takes what she needs, then gets sent back to me for refilling. At least, she's not the jealous type at all, and definitely doesn't go sneaking around my things. That'd probably get on my nerves.

Really, the only thing that gets us stressed are outside factors, like only being together on the whim of beaurocracy. Not such a big deal for me to come here, but it's really stressful trying to get her to come visit my hometown. The other thing is the expectation that we need a house in order to be "really" married. I basically think that's fine, and would love to buy a house in her hometown, but hell if I know when we'll have the money to do it, especially since I can't get a mortgage here.

Yeah, I was lucky with the house thing. I paid cash for half, wife got an interest free loan for the rest. Result: no debt, happy family, income from rented house, free apartment from school.

So that was cool.

I find the what people say to each other weird too. Wife hassles me for saying things that in Oz would be normal but in China you don't tell people, I hassle her for the opposite. Luckily, nothing important. But sort of between amusing and annoying.

I couldn't find any big problems in our relationships, maybe in the beginning when I just arrived to China, his home.Chinese people have many friends and friendship is really important for them. Chinese friendship is smth very important.  I think Chinese friendship different from friendship in other countries. what do u think?

A lot of the posts detail the compromises or accomodations that westerners have been expected to make or tolerate.

In what way have your partners changed to accomodate you? What are the things that you just refused flat to compromise on? Are any of you in relationships where your partner (or indeed their family) by and large moved to your world view?

A lot of the posts detail the compromises or accomodations that westerners have been expected to make or tolerate.  

I could write a book. But its not a whiny thing, it will be full of things I chose to do. There have been growing pains on each other's part, but with patience, understanding and a hell of a lot of explanation, the fights are now silly not serious.

In what way have your partners changed to accomodate you?  

Book 2, see notes above. In all seriousness, its really not much different than hooking up with "your own" or anyone else for that matter.

What are the things that you just refused flat to compromise on?  

Very few things, for the most part I've convinced her on the value of paying for quality. My present g/f is not the first person with a different ethnic background. Compromise has little to do with culture, though it is a part of it.

Are any of you in relationships where your partner (or indeed their family) by and large moved to your world view?  

Her parents "know" she's been dating a big nose, but they aren't yet sure she lives with me. They know nothing about me except that I'm not Chinese

Mr Benn, my wife has definitely changed her perspective over time, though I don't think I'm the reason for it. It's mostly because she's been living in the states and observing life.

And her greatest compromise has been living away from her mother for so long. It really bothers me that she hasn't had the chance to see her mom in a year and a half. We're both working hard to fix that problem.