The Bar Room > The Love, Marriage and Family Board (ON-TOPIC)
Mission: Second Honeymoon
Granny Mae:
EL, I really don't know how you find the time or the energy that you would need to live your life. Thank goodness that your darling is so supportive. agagagagag Keep up the good work and I wish you the good health to do so. agagagagag
Escaped Lunatic:
I wish I had more time and energy. I sponsor 4 children and have met 3 of the 4, each only once.
Escaped Lunatic:
Day 4: Early wake up call and other weather related entertainment
First, let me mention that I didn't really pay attention on Saturday when someone told me a typhoon was going to hit Dongguan at any moment. That was about the 10th time this year that I've heard this, and most of the time there wasn't even a simple rain shower. Besides, my house has walls about 30 cm thick, so what's the worst that could happen? mmmmmmmmmm
My day began no with a bang, but with a wimper. At about 3 am I was trying to burrow under my pillow to escape this annoying ring tone from my lovely wife's phone. Then she brutally kicked me awake and ask me about the location of sensor #19832-74K/x in the alarm system in our house back in the village. Lacking a handy abacus, I had to mentally envision a 3D map of the house showing each of the sensors while counting on my fingers. After losing my place several times and restarting, I determined that it was either the motion detector in the 3rd floor dining room or else an inbound killer asteroid alert from NASA.
After some discussion, punctuated by the alarm system calling back with repeated activation of the same sensor, there were three possible explanations: 1. A burglar decided to break into a very inaccessible window in the middle of a storm and kept jumping up and down in front of only one sensor in order to keep me from sleeping. 2. My darling wife's fear of stale air causing asphyxiation meant that there was an open window (part of the alarm system design was based on allowing windows to be opened and closed while the perimeter was armed) and the typhoon was blowing the drapes quite violently. 3. Sensor #19832-74K/x had decided 3 am would be a cool time to suffer a massive malfunction.
By this point, I was slowly regaining enough consciousness to get my brain working. Considering the typhoon, I decided to test option 2 and asked my wife to reset the system to perimeter only, disarming all internal motion detectors. Happily, that did the trick and we got back to sleep for a few hours.
In the morning, my lovely wive called the maid and asked her to check the house and close all the windows. Problem solved. (or was it???)
So, after a mere 6 hours of online work, we finally got to head outside. Our first real day of independent enjoyment of the Feng Huang old town. but it was raining. ananananan
Feng Huang has these really cool stretched golf carts that act as buses. It's only 1 kuai for a ride, and for reasons I haven't figured out, you pay when getting out. Even more fun, there's no rule against hanging on the outside. The issue was that when it's raining, they fill up really fast. We finally found a taxi instead of walking to the old town.
First stop - a local grocery store just outside of the tourist zone to find a second umbrella (we'd only brought one). Weather reports before we left said temperatures would be in the 25-30 degree range, with a little rain later in the week. It was only Monday and it was raining hard. kkkkkkkkkk
For some reason, all prior entries to town brought us into a square with a huge metal Phoenix, and then down the same road to the river. It was time to explore. agagagagag
We started down the same road, but as soon as I could find a side street, I took it. There were good omens. The first shop had a cat, so I got in some much needed petting time before continuing further. Then my luck ran out. My wife found something she loves more than me. It was a large shop that was a wholesale supplier of traditional clothes and other cloth items to many of the smaller shops in town. My lovely wife was so happy. My wallet and I were in trouble. amamamamam
Happily, she started out just by pricing everything. I foolishly thought I was about to escape, then she decided to try on a pair of pants. There was no changing room, so I ended up guarding one end of an L-shaped alcove. The pants were ok, so she bought them. I tried to head for the exit. Then she spotted a shirt that would look nice with the pants. After some arguments about price, she bought that. Then she got something else and I ran off with the remaining money after paying for that. oooooooooo
After some wandering in back streets, we found out way back to a road we recognized and headed to the river. Some of the shops had some dofu that was very similar to the kind we'd had on our first honeymoon in Yangshou. The taste was only slightly different, but it was still very good.
We ended up heading back a little early. We'd started later than planned, and finding a ride in the rain took up a lot of time. We were hoping the weather would improve the next day. After all, what could be worse than all day rain?
Escaped Lunatic:
Day 5: Dawn of the ice age and more alarming events
I hate those 7 am wakeup calls. I'm not a morning person, but if I let myself sleep in, I'm unlikely to drag myself out of bed before lunch. From the first beep of the alarm to me being online and checking my work takes 6 minutes or less most mornings. ababababab I find this puts me in the proper frame of mind to deal with people in a kind and compassionate way. tttttttttt
I was hard at working dealing with the usual online craziness when my lovely wife told me the bad news.
It was 11 degrees outside. aoaoaoaoao aoaoaoaoao aoaoaoaoao
I'd packed for 25 degree lows. Shorts, short sleeve golf shirts, and sandals. No socks. No pants. No jackets. bibibibibi
My thought was, "Ah well, I'm glued to my computer until lunchtime. It should warm up some by then." It did. All the way to 12 degrees. ananananan ananananan ananananan
For some reason, taxis in Feng Huang don't seem to bother with meters. Before dark, a ride from our hotel to the nearest gate into the old town is 5 RMB. If we come back before dark, it's 5. If after dark, it's 10. For some reason, there seems to be a cold weather surtax. All the taxis wanted 10 RMB. Unfortunately, I couldn't get my attack wife properly muzzled, and even though we were ready to pay 10, she kept wanting to discuss it with drivers before we got in - resulting in the drivers zooming off without us. llllllllll
I want to be in charge of taxi policy in China for 1 day. That's all I'll need to make a lasting impression on the surviving drivers. bababababa
We finally got a taxi to take us to town for 5 RMB. agagagagag
On Monday, my darling wife bought some painfully bright yellow rubber shoes, only to later in the day buy some green rubber boots. Chinese footwear ranges from sexy to silly, but at least it's seldom boring. ahahahahah Since it was cold and raining even harder than on Monday, my darling wife added a blue plastic body condom rain poncho to her fashion ensemble. That and the green boots made it look like she was ready to join a hazmat cleanup team. ahahahahah
Being averse to shoving myself into a plastic bag, I settled for hiding beneath my new umbrella and consigning the camera to it's own condom Ziplock bag. (Yes, a real genuine Made-In-The-USA freezer-grade Ziplock bag. Super high quality zipper bags are a little hard to come by here, so I usually buy some when I'm visiting the USA.) I was slowly succumbing to hypothermia, but the looks on the faces of people who were dressed for a blizzard was enough to make it worth the chill.
We spend much of the day exploring. We ended up in an alley where tour groups (always lead by someone with a portable public address system set on maximum volume) when my lovely wife's phone rang. It was Sensor #28371-92r/d, which either is a beam sensor in one of the side alleys at ground level or else the imminent volcanic eruption alarm. This was a little more worrisome, since the alleys to either side at ground level are a very logical place to try breaking in. She asked the alarm company to have village security take a quick look and then called the system to reset the alarm.
Moments later her phone rang again. This time it was sensor #19832-74K/x (the one on the 3rd floor that had previously woken us up). I was wondering if the wind was strong enough to not only throw things into the alley, but also to have broken a window. Just after resetting the system to perimeter only, the alarm company called back and said that security reported nothing suspicious. My wife then called the maid and asked if she was nearby, while I explained my secret emergency method of dealing with a defective motion sensor over the sound of yet another tour guide shouting into his PA system. The trick is to demount it, then wrap it in aluminum foil to block any signals it tries to send. Then, shove it in the microwave to shield it even more thoroughly (but don't turn on the microwave).
The maid arrived and reported that she'd closed one of the two sliding panels of the window, but had missed closing the other one. bibibibibi
Ah well, at least that put a final end to alarm silliness. I'm chalking up the ground floor sensor alarm to random windblown debris or an imminent volcanic eruption. ahahahahah
We finally got back to the hotel - where I spent about 30 minutes taking a hot shower to thaw myself out.
Granny Mae:
I'm exhausted EL!
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