Will I ever be normal again?

understood. we haven't even gotten that far as to engage. i just will go down there for a year to try life in her hometown. if i am successful, then we have made it another year through then those talks will begin.

im not rushing into anything.

Tuco - any update on how things went?

Ive just stumbled into this thread and I know where you are coming from as a fellow commitment-phobe  And you know what, its perfectly OK to be a commitment-phobe IMO. Some people get married, some people dont, some people stay in one job for life, some people change every year. One isnt more correct than the other, they are just different to each other.

Im 42, and have no desire to settle down and get married, not that Im a player, I dont really have any desire to have a series of different girls hanging around and making me look good either. Ive learnt to understand myself and accept my life as it is, and thats kinda enough for me. Sure, Ill have some relationships from time to time, and normally have some little anecdotes to share over a beer about love and my life ... but settling down is the last thing I want, and I actually feel Id be throwing my life away if I did such a thing!

I guess what Im saying is however you feel is OK...nothing wrong with it and if you feel that being the way you are is swimming against the tide all the time, my advice is to stop swimming and just see where the current takes you 

'Normality' is an illusion. One can't be "normal again" because one was never normal in the first place. 

I was married to a Chinese girl, but to this day don't understand 'yellow fever'. However, I know it when I see it... and had a friend who 'had it'. He was tortured by his fantasies. I've been a serial monogamist with a weakness for: blonds, brunettes and redheads all my life and never 'cheated'. I married the wrong one. The 'right one' slipped through my hands because I didn't realize what I had (at the time).
  Do I have regrets?... Yes & No.

Is that normal?

However, the lifestyle of the "average" laowai seems to follow a stereotype of enjoying his life to the fullest with a personal harem.

Huh? What China do you live in?

Getting laid in China is indeed relatively easy but only for those who are willing to put in the work, especially the effort required to get past the whole stupid "Oh! Foreigner smiled at me! He must want to have sex with me, I should run to my dorm and hide my head under my pillow before he impregnates me with his eyes!" crapola most Chinese girls seem to have between their ears.

The average 老外 I saw around me, from co-workers to acquaintances to friends, spent the year in his little apartment getting high, watching movies, and drinking beers with the other sexless losers, all the while bitching and moaning about how much they hate China.

Anyway, sorry to veer off topic. Just found that statement very interesting.

I have to say Tuco's China is more like the one I recognise. Of course I know and have heard the 'Chinese girls dont have BFs' routine. It took me a while, but I soon realised it was a complete lie    It is pretty easy to bat above your station in China, if thats your thing of course.