How to be a Canadian

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xwarrior

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How to be a Canadian
« on: February 26, 2010, 01:43:05 AM »
I came across this in a New Zealand news item. If there is another Draft this may be useful information for some of our US members.

New Zealanders's will have no trouble with mastering Step 3 - we are the same, eh.

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Want to become a real Canadian?

Apparently it's not that hard. A pamphlet titled "A Guide to Becoming an Authentic Canadian" is being distributed at an information kiosk not far from the Olympic cauldron on the Vancouver waterfront.

You can read the whole thing in five minutes.

Step 1: "Know Your Canadian Icons." Beaver, maple leaf, Canada goose, moose, bears, Mounties, toques, loonies and toonies. Toque? That's a wooly hat, pronounced "too-k." Loonie? A one dollar coin, so nicknamed because it has a swimming loon on one side of it. Toonie? A two dollar coin, which features a polar bear. "Toonie just sounds better than Polar Bearie," says the pamphlet.

Step 2: "Eat and Drink Like a Canadian." Salmon, donut holes, Canadian bacon, lobster, maple syrup, beer and poutine. Poutine? It "sounds terrible, looks worse, but tastes delicious," the pamphlet reads. It is made with fries, cheese curds and gravy. Yum, maybe.

Step 3: "Walk and Talk Like a Canadian." We learn that "eh" can be used as a statement, direction or question. And, of course, "zed" is the last letter of the alphabet.

Step 4: "Play Like a Canadian." Ice hockey. Say no more.

Step 5: "Know the Maple Leaf." We're told the familiar Canadian flag did not become official until 1965 because Canadians "were too busy eating poutine and watching hockey to get to it any sooner."

Step 6: "Learn Our National Anthem." Words in both English and French!

Step 7: A quick quiz in which we learn that the number of points on the maple leaf signifies absolutely nothing.

Step 8: Print my name in the blank, and I'm now "somewhat officially authentically Canadian." Cool, eh? Pass the poutine!

I have my standards. They may be low, but I have them.
- Bette Midler

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Borkya

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Re: How to be a Canadian
« Reply #1 on: February 26, 2010, 03:35:47 AM »
Ha ha!  ahahahahah

Actually it sounds like something Stephen Colbert made or something. I've been watching his "olympic coverage" on the colbert report every day and cracking up. Way better than the boring news articles!

Re: How to be a Canadian
« Reply #2 on: February 26, 2010, 04:19:25 AM »
Know yer Canajian culture, eh.

Ferget Freon Dion, Jim Carries the Kettle and whoever else you've ever heard of. Other countries export their worst beer, Canada exports its worst talent.* And Americans eat it up the way they expect everyone else to drink Budweiser beer. Go figger, eh? Do a little searchin' on: This Hour Has 22 Minutes, Rick Mercer Report, Kids in the Hall, SCTV, and then try to figure where a lot of American humour has come from. Judging by how long it takes for off-beat, out-of-the-blue Canadian humour to become mainstream Amrican comedy, it takes Americans 4 years to get the joke. I've heard Brits say much the same thing, but they usually add, "if ever".

I'd long forgotten about the hotter points of Canadian hot quizzin'. Beer, beer, and more beer, please. I hope Aussies will forgive us if we don't spell beer X-X-X-X. We do indeed have a beer called Ex, and I learned when young that all I needed to do was cross 2 fingers and I could order beer no matter how intoxicated.** Poutine is indeed a gift from the gods to cardiologists. Maple donuts are the reason coffee was invented. East coast seafood is the reason water was invented. Get it while you can, 'cause it's running out. Know what they say in Newfin'land? Give a man a fish and you feed him today. Teach a man to fish and he can apply for unemployment insurance.***


* We don't export our worst beer because, in all honesty, we all agree that no beer is the worst, far worse than any other beer. We even had a reefer-in-yer-endum about it some years back. Only thing that held us together.
** Chumpski wrote about universal grammar, but maybe this is an example of universal vocab. More research is required. Any volunteers?
*** We been sayin' that since Methuselah was a pup. Before the Dead Sea started askin' fer a second opinion. Before Toronto won anything worth mentioning... well not that long ago.



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kitano

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Re: How to be a Canadian
« Reply #3 on: February 26, 2010, 06:05:28 AM »


 ababababab ababababab

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Pashley

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Re: How to be a Canadian
« Reply #4 on: February 26, 2010, 06:06:37 AM »
Want to become a real Canadian?

Apparently it's not that hard. A pamphlet titled "A Guide to Becoming an Authentic Canadian" is being distributed at an information kiosk not far from the Olympic cauldron on the Vancouver waterfront.
...
Step 4: "Play Like a Canadian." Ice hockey. Say no more.

No. Canadians play hockey. On ice, of course!

Other people may play field hockey, call that "hockey", and imagine that "ice hockey" is the correct term for our game. To any Canadian (even those of us who don't care about hockey), those people are just obviously wrong.
Who put a stop payment on my reality check?

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Jimi02

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Re: How to be a Canadian
« Reply #5 on: February 26, 2010, 08:58:48 AM »
This was distributed at an official kiosk?

Huh... that's a little surprising. I mean, I'm not against having a little fun with cliches, but this is a little much. Plus, I really figured that Canada would try to showcase some of its under-recognized characteristics to the world during the Olympics, for example its multiculturalism. Soccer, not hockey is the sport most widely taken up by Canadian youth now (largely because of the amount of immigrants).

Poutine is indeed delicious--though it certainly didn't have widespread popularity outside of Quebec until, I would venture to say, the 1990s?

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xwarrior

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Re: How to be a Canadian
« Reply #6 on: February 26, 2010, 03:08:01 PM »
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Huh... that's a little surprising. I mean, I'm not against having a little fun with cliches, but this is a little much.

Going by the premise that there is no such thing as 'too much' here are some more - taken  from a forum. Maybe they do help to give more of an insight to Canada's "under recognised characteristics."

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2-4 (two four): a case of 24 beers.
bachelor apartment: a one room apartment with a small kitchen and a bathroom. Mostly just referred to as ???a bachelor.???
back bacon: elsewhere called ???Canadian bacon.???
Blochead: a member of the Bloc Quebecois.
brown bread: whole wheat bread.
butter tart: a single serving, sweet pie, often with raisins.
chesterfield: a sofa, couch, or loveseat.
chinook: an unseasonably warm wind that melts snow on the prairies.
chippy: aggressive or angry.
college: refers to either a post-secondary technical or vocational institutions, or to the colleges that exist as individual institutions within some Canadian universities. Most often, ???college??? is a community college, not a university.
deke: to fool. It is used especially in hockey to refer to a player who dodges around another.
donut: a cake snack with a hole in centre (ie doughnut). Also refers to spinning a car in circles as a recreational activity.
double-double: A cup of coffee with two creams and two sugars.
draught: beer that comes out of a tap instead of a bottle or can.
duplex: a building with two apartments.
garburator: a garbage disposal unit located beneath the drain of a kitchen sink.
ghost car: an unmarked police car.
Grit: a member or supporter of one of the federal or provincial Liberal parties (but not the Qu??????bec Liberal Party).
**** milk: whole (homogenized) milk.
hoser: idiot.
impaired: an infraction for driving under the influence of alcohol.
Joe job: a low-status, low-skill task.
keener: an enthusiastic student, not necessarily a positive term.
Kraft dinner: Often shortened to ???KD???, known elsewhere as ???Kraft macaroni and cheese.???
loonie and toonie: Canadian one- and two-dollar coins.
may two four: the Victoria Day weekend which is celebrated the Monday of or following May 24th.
Mountie: a member of the Royal Canadian Mounted Police (who are only very rarely mounted these days).
mickey: a small bottle of alcohol.
muskeg: a bog characterized by scattered and stunted evergreens.
Nanaimo bar: a confection named for the town of Nanaimo, British Columbia.
parkade: parking garage.
pencil crayon: elsewhere called a ???coloured (or colored) pencil.???
pogey: unemployment insurance (the government recently changed this to ???employment insurance.???).
Robertson: a Canadian square-headed screw or screwdriver. It is used in other countries, but is much more common in Canada.
skidoo: a brand name now used generically to refer to any snowmobile. Can also be used as a verb.
snowbird: a Canadian, probably retired, who spends the winter in the States (usually Florida).
Stanfields: men???s underwear. Used only rarely these days (the word, that is. Most Canadians still wear underwear, especially in the winter).
Timbits: a brand name of doughnut holes made by Tim Hortons that has become a generic term.
toque: a knit hat.
trousseau tea: a reception held by the mother of a bride, for neighbours not invited to the wedding.
washroom : bathroom, restroom. Bathroom is used only occasionally and refers to a facility that has a bathtub or shower.
whitener: powdered non-dairy additive for coffee or tea.
yogourt: a unique spelling of yoghurt which is used in both English- and French-Canada.
zed: the final letter of the alphabet.
   
I have my standards. They may be low, but I have them.
- Bette Midler

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Stil

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Re: How to be a Canadian
« Reply #7 on: February 26, 2010, 03:23:44 PM »
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donut: a cake snack with a hole in centre (ie doughnut). Also refers to spinning a car in circles as a recreational activity.

That's American eh. Try doughnut

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Jimi02

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Re: How to be a Canadian
« Reply #8 on: February 26, 2010, 04:01:46 PM »
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deke: to fool. It is used especially in hockey to refer to a player who dodges around another.

"Deke", to fool? I guess I can see it...

A: So did your girlfriend catch you with that other girl?
B: Nah, I deked her good. 


It's being incorporated into my everyday vocabulary.

Re: How to be a Canadian
« Reply #9 on: February 26, 2010, 06:03:24 PM »
I tried to nail the FAO on the missing pay, but she deked me out and is gone for the holidays.


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Jimi02

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Re: How to be a Canadian
« Reply #11 on: March 01, 2010, 05:33:05 PM »
How to be a Canadian... well, I wouldn't necessarily taking the Closing Ceremonies as a clue.

I wonder at the choices that the creative people made for these things.

The giant mounties and beavers seemed a little overdone to me.

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old34

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Re: How to be a Canadian
« Reply #12 on: March 01, 2010, 05:40:15 PM »
At least Celine Dion hasn't appeared.......yet.  aaaaaaaaaa
Knowledge is knowing that a tomato is a fruit; wisdom is knowing not to put it in a fruit salad. - B. O'Driscoll.
TIC is knowing that, in China, your fruit salad WILL come with cherry tomatoes AND all slathered in mayo. - old34.

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Ruth

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Re: How to be a Canadian
« Reply #13 on: March 01, 2010, 08:40:23 PM »
Maybe overdone, but I enjoyed it.  I laughed out loud when the beavers came out.  I thought, 'What next, a moose?' and sure enough a couple of balloon moose came out too.  Seemed like they were trying to showcase as many Canadian symbols as they could.  That's Canadians for ya.  We'll poke fun at ourselves before anybody else can.
If you want to walk on water, you have to get out of the boat.

Re: How to be a Canadian
« Reply #14 on: March 01, 2010, 09:24:56 PM »
We had a fireworks/dinner party last night. A lot of new faces and some possible new teachers were there. Introduced myself to one guy. He seemed like a nice enough guy and I went into sh!t disturber mode.

ME: So, where are you from
Him: Canada

ME: I've heard of that place
Him: Well like duh, its a big place
 
ME: You guys have cities there yet?
Him: Um, yea, I'm from Ottawa

ME: (mispronouncing) Ottawa, how big is the town?
Him: Not too big, but I live in a nice igloo

ME: How does polar bear meat taste like?
Him: I don't eat it, I have one for a pet in my back yard

ME: So people eat polar bear with maple syrup eh?
Him: (getting ticked) yea, especially in summer when we have only a foot of snow

ME: cool, I'd love to visit you in (mispronounced) Ottawa
Him: And where are you from? (I think he added a$$hole under his breath)

ME: (with a dead serious face) I'm from Toronto
Him: YOU BASTARD!

We had a beer later    ahahahahah
For you to insult me, first I must value your opinion