So... I'm engaged!

So I recently proposed to my Chinese lady and she said yes! I'm very happy, but I am wondering if any of you older heads can offer me any advice on what to expect, or any general advice really. My head is spinning at the moment 

We are thinking we might tie the knot in January, as obviously we both have time off work then and it's a good opportunity to have a nice honeymoon together.

I have already looked into the paperwork situation (I'm a UK national), and from what I understand I will need a 'certificate of non-impediment' (1400 Yuan... WHY???  ) and then we will have to pay a reg fee when we do the deed. Can any Brits confirm this? I'm in Shandong province if that makes any difference.

As for the registration and ceremony and that side of things... I heard it is normal to do the registration and get legally married first, and then hold a celebration later. Is that true? How long is acceptable to leave between the registration and the party?

My family won't be involved at all. The plan is to have a service over in the UK at some point in future. I realise her family will be heavily involved in planning everything, and I don't mind that too much.

That's all I can think of for now, but any advice, tips or words of caution from older heads would be greatly appreciated. I know my girl is the one and I want to make the big day go smoothly, more for her than me 

Can't answer the British questions since I'm a Yank but when my husband and I got married we did the paperwork in August and had our wedding banquet/party in December. This isn't really uncommon at all and it seems like most couples register at least a few months before the party since it is easier to get the paperwork out of the way before you have to start planning the wedding, one less thing to worry about, you know?

Since you're a guy it will be easy for you to just leave the planning up to her and her family and sit back and enjoy the ride. My husband and I had to leave a lot of our wedding planning up to his sisters in law since we didn't live in the town (village really, but officially a town now) where we were having the wedding. For me just putting it all into someone else's hands was kind of a relief since weddings can be hugely stressful if you're really invested in how things turn out. The Chinese wedding banquet is really more about the families involved than it is about the couple themselves -- this is a chance for both sides to show off to all their friends, co-workers, minor acquaintances, so putting on a good show will take precedence over any sentimental or personal touches you might have. I really just had to let go! I chose my dress and I made sure our wedding pictures didn't have any Chinglish on them and that my dad got to walk me, not down the aisle but ... up the steps leading to the old folks rec center where we had our banquet (no joke! But it is THE premier wedding location in the village y'all).

Anyhow, congrats and enjoy yourself, Chinese weddings can be a real trip.

I have no info to add --- just wanted to wish you a "congrats" on your engagement.   

Good luck! 

All the best,

Sam

Congratulations Arnold and all the best to you both. I gather that you will have read some of the relevant topics in this section, particularly Escaped Lunatic's "My big fat Guangdong wedding" All I can say is that you would have to be young to go through a Chinese wedding.   Not sure if EL is back from his honeymoon yet. We are all waiting for the photos!

Congrats Arnold! 

If you plan to marry in January, get started NOW!  Chinese weddings are a lot of work and are very time consuming.  Definitely read the blog I did for mine.

I'm back from my honeymoon, but am still catching up on work before posting all the details.  Granny, would you like me to email you some of the more, ummm...,  entertaining photos?

EL. I thought you'd never ask.   Hope the honeymoon was all that you and your darling wanted it to be.   I'll give you a quick smile! I am aware of an older Asian gentleman who seems to gravitate towards me at the Casino. He was hovering around and my female neighbor came up and started yabbering to me! (no, I don't listen to her half the time) Whatever she said apparently upset this guy and he told her, in no uncertain terms, that he came over from Singapore frequently and stayed 3 months at a time. My neighbor,who is pretty obtuse, did not notice that she had upset this guy so she asked him where he stayed when he came over here. He then informed her that he was very wealthy, he  spent a lot of money here and that he stayed at the Casino. To cut this story, a couple of days later this guy appeared at my side, so I took the opportunity to apologize on my neighbor's behalf, for any misunderstandings. He then took the opportunity to ask if my husband ever comes with me to the Casino. I told him that my husband passed away 23 yrs ago. He then informed me that his wife had passed away 17yrs ago. He then put his arms around me and told me that I am a "nice lady"   After reading about EL's wedding preparations, guess who is going to "put on her running shoes" and start casing the room before she enters. I hope you understand that I'm not trying to hijack your thread Arnold, just trying to give my impressions; I don't care how much money the guy has, I couldn't go through all the hassles.

First, congrats!

Second, I'm a Brit in Changsha and jumped through these bureaucratic hoops or, as the more romantically-inclined among us might say, got married earlier this year.

I'm in Hunan and had to go to Guangzhou to get it done- I've heard it's different in different provinces. But the certificate cost with, with a notification and postage, around 1400 as you mentioned.

We still haven't had our ceremony yet and will have in in September next year. I've heard that's not too uncommon. We'll also have a ceremony in the UK so sounds like we're in the same boat!

Wow, you Brits get screwed on that. The marriage affidavit cost 340 rmb for a Canadian.

So, how are the wedding plans going?  Still on track for the registration.

For the full ceremony/party, I recommend anywhere from 6 months to 10 years for planning and paying for it.

Thanks a lot for the nice wishes everyone!!   

We have indeed decided to tie the knot in January and I'm rather excited.

Just in case any Brits are reading this and you want to know about the paperwork: I went to Beijing this week to the British consulate and I had to take my passport and my fiancée's ID card in order to get the required form. I had to swear on a bible that everything I wrote was true (they didn't have the book of Scientology, which I asked for as I'm such a wag  ). Then they took 685 yuan and told me to come back in 21 days. When that time has elapsed I will have to pay 685 again to get the form I need. Then from what I understand it will cost 9 yuan to register the marriage. I asked the guy there why it is so expensive for Brits, when it costs so much less for Canadians, and he said it's because the British consulate is self-funded. My government is so great to its people 

Anyway we are in the middle of planning everything. Well... her and her family are anyway. I have been told just to sort out the rings and my own clothing for the ceremony, though I have insisted that I will at least be consulted about the small details before they are decided. One thing I am pleased about is that we have arranged to marry in a beautiful church, which will make my mother happy even if she can't be there!

I have been told that I will be expected to drink a lot on the wedding day as we move from table to table to enjoy a gun bei with everybody  Is that normal?

Are there any things that I should be thinking about for the wedding? How about the money that we will receive from guests... how does that work exactly?

Any tips for after the wedding?

Any idea of a nice place for a honeymoon not too far from Shandong province?

All help appreciated. As you can tell I'm a total newbie 

First, congrats!

Second, I'm a Brit in Changsha and jumped through these bureaucratic hoops or, as the more romantically-inclined among us might say, got married earlier this year.

I'm in Hunan and had to go to Guangzhou to get it done- I've heard it's different in different provinces. But the certificate cost with, with a notification and postage, around 1400 as you mentioned.

We still haven't had our ceremony yet and will have in in September next year. I've heard that's not too uncommon. We'll also have a ceremony in the UK so sounds like we're in the same boat!

Nice to hear from another Brit in the same boat. How did your family feel about it all?

I have been told that I will be expected to drink a lot on the wedding day as we move from table to table to enjoy a gun bei with everybody   Is that normal?

Yes - it is normal. One way to avoid ending up comatose on the floor on your wedding night is to get a mate (preferably one you can trust) to hand you full glasses of lemonade before approaching a table. Looks near enough to baijiu to fool most people most of the time. 

That is crazy! I think as an American that form cost me 25 dollars but I can't remember exactly, it may have been a bit more but I seem to remember it being well under 100 dollars. I DO know that I got it on the exact same day that I requested it. It took maybe a half an hour to process. I flew to the Chengdu consulate and back in one day.

Congratulations! I've got a thread somewhere else in this forum about our wedding registration in Nanjing, if you want to get an idea of other future costs.

When I got the form from the US embassy it was $65, I think.

Also, I really like the title of this thread since it has a number of grammatical permutations.

So…I'm engaged!
I'm SO engaged!
I'm engaged…so!
Engaged? I am so!
Engaged? So I am!