How to beat culture shock?

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Invictus

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How to beat culture shock?
« on: August 02, 2010, 08:26:56 PM »
I'd love to hear some advice from the sage and (possibly) sober members of the Saloon on how to beat culture shock. Oh sure, I understand you can't really cheat it entirely any more than you can the IRS but here's the thang. The way I see it, I am in China one year (who knows what'll happen but for now that's my intent) and any time spent going through useless, crippling, involuntary mental and psychological resistance to my overwhelmingly different surroundings robs me of my time to do what I really came to China to do: to get as humanly close to the Chinese culture, language, and people as possible. I know, I know...a year is a measly timeframe to do this to any significant extent, but I still believe the benefits will be enormous.

So, I know about the four stages of culture shock, the "rule of three's," and I have read that one of the best ways to defend against the oncoming feeling of isolation and subsequent social withdrawal (which, I believe, hits you around three months in?) is to befriend as many locals as possible during the honeymoon phase in order to build a support system. And I fully intend on "ni hao"-ing everyone and his grandma (unless you advise otherwise).

One more thing I'd like to add, and this is that I consider myself an extremely open-minded person; culturally adventurous and highly curious, willing to try "anything once." I am not going to China to live as a foreigner and replace all my "Western habits" with their nearest equivalent. If that's what I wanted, I'd have stayed put. However (!) the radical adjustment being what it is, and patience admittedly not being one of my virtues, I can anticipate that when I reach the point of mental and emotional flooding all this rationalization will do me little good. It's kind of like how Odysseus made his men tie him up because he knew once he heard the sirens' song, there was no way he could resist. What I'm looking for here is a few good ropes with which to restrain myself in case I find I begin to go a little crazy in China.

What I'd like to hear is the advice from all of you who have long since adjusted to China (and those of you who haven't). Knowing what you know now, what do you think is the best way to prepare myself for as smooth an adjustment as possible? I empty my cup and am ready to receive your wisdom! bjbjbjbjbj
« Last Edit: August 02, 2010, 08:35:54 PM by Invictus »
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Escaped Lunatic

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Re: How to beat culture shock?
« Reply #1 on: August 02, 2010, 09:14:31 PM »
Screw the ropes.  Odysseus was a wuss!  This is something that calls not for testing the depths of the water with both feet like a common fool, but for diving in head first, like a true Lunatic! ababababab

1.  Definitely make as many Chinese friends as possible.  If you approach Chinese people with an open heart, you'll soon find that you have more friends that you have time for.  That's ok, just start having larger parties.

2.  Beware of "foreigner-only" cliques.  Those tend to turn into groups that sit around bitching about everything that's wrong with China and Chinese people.  If they hate it that much, they really should go back to their "perfect" homelands.  Sure, there are some things that are better at home, but there are plenty of things that are better here.  If everything was as bad as the whiner groups said, no one would ever stay here for more than a few weeks.

3.  That being said, it's not a bad idea to have some foreign friends.  Being able to speak at normal speed, and having more cultural references in common can be nice way to mentally decompress on occasion.

4.  Remember - "Hello" only counts if they say it as you are approaching.  If someone passes you and says it, just ignore them.  You'll still have plenty of people to say "Hello" or "Ni hao" to.  This will also save you from a lot of neck strain. bjbjbjbjbj

5.  Bring a small stash of some of your favorite foods that aren't easily available in China (this will vary depending on where you end up).  For me, that occasional "taste of home" has proven helpful on those times when I miss "normal" food.  Find out what stores carry foreign goods and compare prices.  They'll ALL be expensive, but vary in how expensive.

6.  Explore!  Get critical addresses written down on cards.  Those are for emergencies (which you are about to create).  Walk out your front door and start making random turns until you are completely lost.  If the choice is a main street or an alley, go for the alley.  Once you are extremely lost, try to find your way back.  If you can't, it's time to find a taxi and use an emergency card (don't forget to bring taxi money or this could be more of an adventure than planned).  I've always found that this is the best way to learn my way around a new area.  (I keep emergency taxi money in my card case - separate from my wallet.)  Using this method, I've found all sorts of intriguing places that my Chinese friends didn't know about.

7.  If you aren't already an expert with chopsticks, put away your forks and spoons now.  Try to eat every grain of rice with chopsticks.  Try picking up shelled peanuts, wet grapes, and anything else challenging you can think of with them.  Even if people know you've been in China for a year or more, some of them will be impressed with your skill.  BTW - You get bonus points if you can use them both right and left handed.

8.  If you have a choice in housing, consider skipping convenient location for some place interesting.  I'm the only foreigner in my little village on the edge of the city.  It's annoying having to take a bus or taxi for any decent shopping, but this place is just too cool to miss out on.

9.  In the first few months, your brain will suffer from some short circuits.  I recall a good one I had - I thought those dried seahorses were decorations, then realized they were snacks.  Does not  compute.  DOES NOT COMPUTE.  eeeeeeeeee

10.  Learn the bus routes (and subways if your city has them).  So many foreigners only travel by taxi.  I use taxi's when I'm in a hurry, but getting squished into an overloaded bus can be entertaining (just keep a firm grip on your wallet, phone, etc. - no Chinese person ever swiped anything from me, but it's happened to a lot of other people I know).

11.  Enjoy those "rock star moments".  It doesn't matter if your town has lots of foreigners or none, at some point, someone will want their picture taken with you.  Just be aware that you can end up on local TV and may not find out about it until your neighbors or students know.

12.  Memorize these critical phrases:
Wo bu ming bai. (I don't understand.)
Ting bu dong. (I don't understand what you said.)
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George

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Re: How to beat culture shock?
« Reply #2 on: August 02, 2010, 10:45:21 PM »
Some good points, EL, especially No. 4.
The most important thing is to accept that you are in a foreign country. Things are different here. That's just the way things are. Live with it. Then you won't suffer from Culture Shock. Don't compare local with home. You can't win that way. Buy your fruit and veges in the local market and not the supermarket. You will become known very quickly. Check out your local restaurants until you find your favourites. I am in the reverse situation at the moment, but I don't have "reverse" culture shock, because I accept the situation I am in. Except for buying cigarettes! That is a big shock here!!! I still look both ways when I cross the road, even at traffic lights. That is a China learned habit.
I preferred taxis in China, but here I take trams, since I figured out the system. Today I spent getting my cargo through Customs and Quarantine. Very smooth process, but I am now totally buggered! 
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Re: How to beat culture shock?
« Reply #3 on: August 02, 2010, 11:18:58 PM »
Ok, I'm actually going to go with some different advice, which is not to have such set ideas of how much you will immerse yourself in Chinese culture and society. When I came to China I fully intended to live in a little foreigner bubble, and not learn a word of Mandarin. It has turned out that all my friends are Chinese, including one who barely speaks a word of English. A few years back I went to South America, and my key aim was to become fluent in Spanish. The great majority of friends I made there were westerners, and that was especially true in the early days.

My point is this; it's good to have a clear idea of why you're coming to China, but don't shut yourself off to coincidences and opportunities. My belief is that going to another country provides a wider spectrum of experiences than simply life in that country. Even if you make friends with other westerners, you will still be pushed outside your box.

My advice is be friendly towards everyone and open to everything. There's always time to fine-hone your social life later on, and I can't imagine anything more likely to make you unhappy than trying to fit your life in China into the too narrow shape you envisaged.

My biggest culture shock is always the supermarkets, especially if they look superficially like the ones I've known before but have a seemingly ridiculous range of uneatable products.

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Damballah

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Re: How to beat culture shock?
« Reply #4 on: August 03, 2010, 02:35:28 AM »
Well done EL.  Good list. 

I'd add:  find a couple of favourite places that you make 'yours'.  Any type of place will do. If you like a bit of peace and quiet, find a temple or park and take a book, picnic etc and go often enough that it feels like your 'safe place'.  If you like people watching, find a tea or coffee shop (there are more and more of them) and hang out there until the fuwuyuan (waitresses)  know your order as soon as you walk in.  These can become good places for when things are feeling strange and you want to go home NOW.

Get your internet/skype connected as soon as possible.  It is much easier to feel at home quickly if you know you can contact family and friends anytime you want/need to.

Bring a BIG stash of acceptance, non-judgmentalism and patience with you.  The patience isn't for dealing with others, but for dealing with you.  After the initial excitement wears off, when you realise that the Chinese are just being polite when they tell you how handsome you are and how fantastic your Chinese (consisting of ni hao and xie xie) is, and you find it frustrating that you can't do anything as simple as posting a letter by yourself, you will need all your patience to help you keep going.

Learn as much Chinese as you can - but be aware that despite the education system teaching 'standard' Mandarin, there will be a variety of accents and SURPRISE!! a variety of 'standard' pronunciations!  At the very least you will have 'putonghua', 'province pu' (provincial pronunciation of putonghua - ie Shaanpu, if you go to Shaanxi); and then dialects - Shaanxihua etc.  Add to this the store keepers, taxi drivers, waitresses who come to your city from other provinces, speaking their own versions.     

So - don't be offended when few people really understand your textbook Chinese - you'll soon start to create a version that contains enough of each to be understood.  :)

Give yourself a day off every now and then.  A day off from having to talk and listen to anybody (Chinese or foreign), a day when you can vege in front of the TV watching a TV series on DVD or spend all day in bed reading.  Tell all your friends you've gone to the next city for a day, lock your door, turn off the mobile and computer and just relax from always having to be watching, learning, thinking, planning what to say etc.  Do it at least once per month (I'd even suggest once a fortnight for the first 4-5 months) and PLAN it ahead.   It then becomes part of your plan for living in a different place and not a 'screaming heebie-jeebies' response.  It is regenerative and you will be able to deal with everything much more easily.

Being here is an amazing adventure, and if you continue to see it that way, culture shock won't hit at all, or won't hit as badly.
"At your worst, at your best...who cares? They really aren't that much different anyway, and neither are particularly missed or wanted here anyway." - Marilyn Manson

Re: How to beat culture shock?
« Reply #5 on: August 03, 2010, 04:18:07 AM »
I think the venerable members have said it all...I suggest simply adopting an "Alice in Wonderland" approach to things...she never walks around saying things like "In my country we never play croquet with hedgehogs"...try everything, eat everything and avoid ever thinking or saying the phrase "In my country we don't/do/have/haven't/would/wouldn't...something something". China is China, confusing, irrational, crowded, strange, mystifying and utterly, mind-bogglingly delightful...I do hope you settle in well...and do, please, eat everything...yes, chili fried cows stomach and duck intestines in black bean sauce may sound odd...but they are dashed delicious agagagagag agagagagag
"Anyone who lives within their means suffers from a lack of imagination." Oscar Wilde.

"It's all oojah cum spiffy". Bertie Wooster.
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Invictus

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Re: How to beat culture shock?
« Reply #6 on: August 03, 2010, 10:09:35 AM »
Thanks for that awesome list, EL. Especially #6. I was tempted to ask if taking all those taxis might not become expensive but I understand in China the cost is very small. Luckily, my chopstick skills are excellent but...left-handed?! :) How about I just learn this:

Karate Kid: Chopsticks and Flies

Thank you, Damballah, for giving me more perspective on the impact of dialects. Thankfully my Chinese is past the "ni hao"/"xie xie" stage but there's still a lot to learn. I'll remember the one-day-off tip for when I need to decompress. Though, now I have images of people randomly calling me handsome for nor reason...

Oh, and thank you Mr. Benn for stretching what I up till now falsely believed was my willingness to be open. I'll be more receptive to all the weird little coincidences life in China may bring, not merely my vision of it!
“就算杀了一个我,还有千千万万个我。“

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Re: How to beat culture shock?
« Reply #7 on: August 03, 2010, 12:44:11 PM »
Yeah #6 Explore is a good one - so many FTs can't make their way across a street without calling for a taxi.  You can also extend this into getting on random city buses.  If you're into learning Chinese characters (which I know you are) you can start learning the names of the stops and  different areas around the city too.  It really helps you feel like you actually live there if you know what I mean.

This reminded me of something else -  You may find that many of your students (and a lot of the teachers), especially if they are from out of town, have little to no idea how to get around the city or what's on offer in terms of facilities, recreation etc outside of campus.  They may even discourage your exploratory nature for fear of your safety!
« Last Edit: August 03, 2010, 12:50:16 PM by MK »

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mlaeux

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Re: How to beat culture shock?
« Reply #8 on: August 03, 2010, 04:55:02 PM »
Maybe someone should turn this thread into a sticky?

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Escaped Lunatic

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Re: How to beat culture shock?
« Reply #9 on: August 03, 2010, 06:04:13 PM »
I'd amend a few of the above to "eat almost everything".  I'm still drawing the line at dogs. ananananan

Donkey was a little disappointing, but that horse in Guangxi Province was tasty. bjbjbjbjbj

Thanks for that awesome list, EL. Especially #6. I was tempted to ask if taking all those taxis might not become expensive but I understand in China the cost is very small.

Relative to the rest of the world, taxis are cheap, but they still do add up.  Here in beautiful DG, a short taxi ride is 8 RMB vs. 2 RMB for many of the buses.

Quote
Thank you, Damballah, for giving me more perspective on the impact of dialects. Thankfully my Chinese is past the "ni hao"/"xie xie" stage but there's still a lot to learn. I'll remember the one-day-off tip for when I need to decompress. Though, now I have images of people randomly calling me handsome for nor reason...

My Chinese is ... limited.  The one drawback to being in a big factory town is that I get nailed with every conceivable way to mispronounce putonghua.  I've seen Chinese people here who couldn't communicate with each other.

Quote
Oh, and thank you Mr. Benn for stretching what I up till now falsely believed was my willingness to be open. I'll be more receptive to all the weird little coincidences life in China may bring, not merely my vision of it!

If you are looking for weird, you're coming to the right place.  China has more of just about everything - food, dialects, people, and especially weird.  ahahahahah

They may even discourage your exploratory nature for fear of your safety!

Oh yeah, I've gotten that one.  I tell a Chinese friend I'm walking down a huge, well lit street at night that leads straight to home, and they want me to hide inside a store until they can come and "rescue" me. llllllllll

Personally, I love exploring dark alleys.  ahahahahah

I'd add:  find a couple of favourite places that you make 'yours'.  Any type of place will do. If you like a bit of peace and quiet, find a temple or park and take a book, picnic etc and go often enough that it feels like your 'safe place'.  If you like people watching, find a tea or coffee shop (there are more and more of them) and hang out there until the fuwuyuan (waitresses)  know your order as soon as you walk in.  These can become good places for when things are feeling strange and you want to go home NOW.

Get your internet/skype connected as soon as possible.  It is much easier to feel at home quickly if you know you can contact family and friends anytime you want/need to.

Oooh.  I really like both of these.  I've always had some way to call or be called from the States, and have one little Chinese fast food place where the owner knows my favorite dish.

Another little trick - once you find a favorite dish or two at a local restaurant that lacks pictures or English translations, just memorize column and row.  That will cover you when your usual waitress has the day off.  Some days you'll feel like playing "Food Roulette" and some days you will want something you know you like.
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Re: How to beat culture shock?
« Reply #10 on: August 03, 2010, 06:56:37 PM »
Bitch here often and with abandon.

Get a social routine.  No matter how bad your week, if you have Bingo to look forward to on Tuesdays and homeless child pitfighting on Sundays, you can slog through just about anything.

Bad China Days.  There are a certain alloted number wiating ahead on the road.  Don't sweat it so much.

Write home about your adventures.  It will keep things here in perspective.

Drink.  Just not too often.

Fly a kite.  Really unravels the stress.
And there is no liar like the indignant man... -Nietszche

Nothing is so fatiguing as the eternal hanging on of an uncompleted task. -William James

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Nolefan

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Re: How to beat culture shock?
« Reply #11 on: August 03, 2010, 11:27:30 PM »
good topics and good suggestion in terms of making it a sticky! done
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Raoul F. Duke

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Re: How to beat culture shock?
« Reply #12 on: August 03, 2010, 11:37:45 PM »
Och, ye beat me to it. bfbfbfbfbf

Good advice in this thread!
But I'd add that I believe (and rather hope) that we never really "beat" culture shock while living in China...not completely, anyway. You can reach a level where you more or less deal with it, but you don't really escape it.

This is a good thing. China SHOULD be mysterious and inexplicable sometimes. Without it, we might as well be home.

If you ever reach a point where it's not weird anymore, you been there too long. ananananan
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we're building the corrupt, incompetent, baijiu-swilling buttheads of tomorrow!" (Raoul F. Duke)

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Escaped Lunatic

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Re: How to beat culture shock?
« Reply #13 on: August 04, 2010, 01:31:27 AM »
If you ever reach a point where it's not weird anymore, you been there too long. ananananan

China has the world's largest reserves of weird.  If you ever reach a point where China isn't weird anymore, you just aren't paying enough attention to your surroundings.  ahahahahah

Being in China is like riding a Super-Barf-O-Matic at an amusement park, except that the ride keeps doing unpredictable things and never ever stops.  What more could anyone ask?
 axaxaxaxax axaxaxaxax axaxaxaxax axaxaxaxax
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Damballah

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Re: How to beat culture shock?
« Reply #14 on: August 04, 2010, 03:12:50 AM »
Bitch here often and with abandon.


I'm sorry - this one I TOTALLY disagree with.  The outcome of bitching is more bitching and more discontent.  If something bad happens LET IT GO!


ahahahahahLunatic Moderation Note:ahahahahah  Raoul kindly agreed to let me try to put this derailed thread back on track.  I feel the point about whether bitching is good for dealing with culture shock is valid, so have preserved that.  What I have tried to carefully excise are the parts where this degenerated into an argument that turned a pretty thread into an ugly one.

If anyone has any problem with any of the edits I've done, please bitch at me via PM instead of in this thread.  ahahahahah

« Last Edit: September 13, 2010, 11:09:07 PM by Escaped Lunatic »
"At your worst, at your best...who cares? They really aren't that much different anyway, and neither are particularly missed or wanted here anyway." - Marilyn Manson