Jokes from my trashbin

No need for diapers. George wears trousers with a split in the ass crack. Not a pretty sight.

Have your fun, people. Have your fun. I am remembering all this and one day......one day.....just you wait! Revenge is a dish best served cold!

Better write it down George or we will just have the same conversation tomorrow.

Have your fun, people. Have your fun. I am remembering all this and one day......one day.....just you wait! Revenge is a dish best served cold!

so is chicken...

The Rules of Bedroom Golf:

   1.

      Each player shall furnish his own equipment for play, normally one club and two balls.
   2.

      Play on course must be approved by the owner of the hole.
   3.

      Unlike outdoor golf, the object is to get the club in the hole and keep the balls out.
   4.

      For most effective play, the club should have a firm shaft. Course owners are permitted to check shaft stiffness before play begins.
   5.

      Course owners reserve the right to restrict club length to avoid damage to the hole.
   6.

      Object of the game is to take as many strokes as necessary until the owner is satisfied play is complete. Failure to do so may result in being denied permission to play again.
   7.

      It is considered bad form to begin playing the hole immediately upon arrival. Experienced players will normally take time to admire the entire course, paying special attention to well formed mounds and bunkers.
   8.

      Players are cautioned not to mention other courses they have played or are currently playing to the owner of the course being played. Upset owners have been known to damage a players equipment for this reason.
   9.

      Players are encouraged to have proper rain gear, just in case.
  10.

      Players should not assume that the course is in shape to play at all times. Players may be embarrassed if they find the course temporarily under repair. Players are advised to be extremely tactful in this situation. More advanced players will find alternate means of play when this is the case.
  11.

      Players should assume their match has been properly scheduled particularly when playing a new course for the 1st time. Previous players have been known to become irate if they discover someone else is playing what they considered a private course.
  12.

      The owner of the course is responsible for the pruning of any bushes, which may reduce the visibility of the hole.
  13.

      Players are strongly advised to get the owners permission before attempting to play the backside.
  14.

      Slow play is encouraged, however, players should be prepared to proceed at a quicker pace at the owners request.
  15.

      It is considered an outstanding performance, time permitting, to play the same hole several times in one match.

Two men were sitting next to each other at a bar.

After a while, one guy looks at the other and says, "I can't Help but think, from listening to you, that you're from Ireland."

The other guy responds proudly, "Yes, that I am!"

The first guy says, "So am I! And where abouts from Ireland might you be?

The other guy answers, "I'm from Dublin, I am."

The first guy responds, "Sure and begora, and so am I!

And what street did you live on in Dublin?"

The other guy says, "A lovely little area it was, I lived on McCleary Street in the old central part of town.

The first guy says, "Faith, it's a small world, so did I! So did I!! And to what school would you have been going?"

The other guy answers, "Well now, I went to St. Mary's of course."

The first guy gets really excited and says, "And so did  I. Tell me, what year did you graduate?"

The other guy answers, "Well, now, let's see, I graduated in 1964."

The first guy exclaims, "The Good Lord must be smiling down upon us! I can hardly believe our good luck at winding up in the same bar tonight. Can
you believe it - I graduated from St. Mary's in 1964 my own self."

About this time, Siobhan walks into the bar, sits down, and orders a beer.

Brian, the bartender, walks over to Siobhan, shaking his head & mutters,
"It's going to be a long night tonight!

Siobhan asks, "Why do you say that, Brian?"

"The Kelly twins are drunk again."

Sounds like George Carlin on a rant, again...

Maybe we can just start a thread of for George abuse.  Poor boy, I'm starting to feel sorry for the poor dancing KFCed one.  I know Stil has a history, but he seems to have made quite a few 'enermies' since Christmas time.  That and dementia seems to be setting in.....hhhhmmmmm

Nah, you only hurt the ones we love.  We love George therefore he can be the brunt of our humour. George gives back as much or more than he receives. Stil has an awsome sense of humour, just like George.  Hence they are our  boys of choice. 

I'll drink to that DS.  And here's one for you too 

Thanks,  Make it a dark beer maybe with a brandy chaser or is it brandy with a beer chaser can't remember.  More brandy 

Doesn't matter what it is.... it'll all mix up in the tummy anyway... Keep! Another. 

H2O  vs  WINE
 

I just heard that it has been scientifically proven that if we drink 1 liter of water each day, at the end of the year we would have absorbed more than 1 kilo of Escherichia coli (E. Coli) bacteria found in feces. ---Body waste!
 

In other words, we are consuming 1 kilo of Poop, Doodoo, Crap.

However, we do not run that risk when drinking wine (or rum, whiskey, beer or other liquor) because alcohol has to go through a purification process of boiling, distillation or filtering and/or fermenting.
 

        WATER = Poop = ?
 

        WINE = clean =HEALTH   
 

Ergo: It is better to drink wine and talk stupid than to drink water and be full of s___t.


There is no need to thank me for this valuable information.

I am doing it as a public service

My liver disagrees. Now, I have to consume wine to shut it up. I was drinking water when I read your post...now my desk is all wet

 
TP, right. when you drink wine, you have a constipation