Marry in Vietnam - not China

china SMACK gives the lowdown on marrying a Vietnamese girl. Given the avarice of your average Chinese girl (apartment first, car second, marriage third) this looks like a good option - oops, almost used the word deal.

The breakdown in costs is revealing but I think a smaller wedding function could bring further savings:

* Passport 220 yuan
    * Notarization 830 yuan
    * Processing 300 yuan
    * Vietnamese Consulate (Shanghai) visa yuan
    * All Nanjing to Shanghai expenses 610 yuan
    * Nanjing to Nanning roundtrip airfare 1880 yuan
    * Vietnamese marriage partner evaluation fee 1000 yuan
    * Agency and various marriage certificate expenses 15,000 yuan
    * Wedding banquet, outfits, video, etc. marriage expenses 14,000 yuan

Total expenses about 35,000 yuan RMB

The advantages of the this deal are summed up by Old Dai:
“Vietnam brides are truly indescribably good, thinking back on once having spent several hundred yuan to purchase a pair of discounted shoes for a girl in Nanjing only to have her say it wasn’t good enough. Now, my wife never shops at Xinjiekou, and would only be willing to spend money at a large market.” Speaking of his wife, Old Dai appears very pleased with himself. During the conversation, he disclosed that even when it comes to the leftover change from purchasing daily household necessities, his wife will return it to him, “[she] doesn’t see money as being very important.”

PS  maybe I should have posted this in the Library 

I thought marriage was about love not money. OR, am I just being a gullible idiot?

I thought marriage was about love not money. OR, am I just being a gullible idiot?

I think if you were back home you would not be regarded as being a gullible idiot; your concept of marriage is the norm in the 'west.'

Other cultures look at marriage in different ways. A Fijian-Indian girl, a teaching colleague, explained that she accepted her arranged marriage because, 'western people fall in love then get married; our way is to marry and then work together to create love for each other.'

For some reason that, I cannot fathom, little attention is drawn to the dowry requirement of a marriage in China. All of my Chinese male friends have had to ante-up substantial sums to the brides parents. If a Chinese girl tells me she is getting married I ask her to nominate the 'transfer fee.' - I do not get a straight answer, but I also do not get a denial that money will change hands.

My American mate had to front with a dowry before the marriage could take place. Can any Saloon members shed more light on this practice?

I paid a rather minimal dowry for my wife. I paid up front for all the expenses of the wedding, and I told my in laws (through my wife, who certainly had a say) that as far as I was concerned, they shouldn't stint. And they didn't. That wedding gave them considerable face in the village and the nearest town. Judging by the hongbao coming in, my mother in law did OK. I was not inclined to ask for an accounting; that was her once in a lifetime opportunity to make out like a bandit, she was welcome to it. (I like her)But when it came to discussing the dowry after the fact, she was somewhat alarmed to find that no, I don't carry tens of thousands of rmb on my person. That, in fact, I had spent a good part of my savings on the wedding. I of course had some money, but if I gave her what she asked, I would have little left to support a family. And that, of course, is what I was about. Supporting a family.
For the MinL, that was a sticking point, really. What's more important, the security of the dowry or the promise of a SinL who would take care of his family and not leave her with an ex-wife and unwanted child to care for?
Flash forward a few years. We've bought an apartment. My money, her signature. Our daughter is in a good pre-school, my wife is taking courses to upgrade her skills, we always have a spare bed and food available if a member of her family drops by. The marriage seems to have panned out, and many of her fears have been allayed. Everything's cool and everyone's happy.But imagine if things had worked out differently.I figure a mother is due some compensation for her worries.

It seems like the dowry is more common in the countryside. Most of my city friends think the idea is outdated, but of course they all want guys who own an apartment, a car, have money in the bank, etc. Obviously my husband did not pay a dowry for me though! I guess he got off easy. Marrying a Western woman is also considerably less expensive than marrying a Chinese one, in fact, I think the total cost for us was much less than thye 35,000RMB this guy says it costs to marry a Vietnamese woman, and we got to keep our hong bao money, so we actually broke even or even came out ahead after our wedding. 

My wife´s younger sister got 30,000RMB up front before the wedding day to ´go shopping´ for clothes and stuff for the apartment. That was considered on the low side, but reasonable as the hubby´s family are rice farmers in a small village.

I was told that the tradition up here in the north is for the bride´s family to give the groom an amount of cash and for the groom´s family to give the bride double that amount back, on the wedding day. I told my dad about that, as he had come over from Oz for the wedding, and he thought it was a great joke.

We compromised and instead of the families giving us money we bought gifts for our parents and explained it to everyone as an Australian tradition. We got her dad a digital camera, her mom a lovely, expensive-ish gold necklace and my dad a gaudy jade Chinese pendant and a gold chain. They were happy, I didn´t have to ´buy´ my wife and my dad avoided an unwanted expense. We used the hongbao to cover the costs of the wedding and the rest went into the MinL´s kitty.

Ha! We snuck off and got married in Australia, and didn't tell the parents. They were already pissed off because we were living together. They are still slightly pissed off. This Spring Festival, I have been invited "home". We shall see what happens! He is gonna ask me for money, but he ain't getting any. We gave them 30,000 a couple years back to help them buy a third house. Life is fun in China!!

.....We gave them 30,000 a couple years back to help them buy a third house.....

Sounds like you already (pre)paid The Babe's dowry

Yeah, but they don't seem to see it that way!

Looks like the 'dowry' thing is something that has to be considered, one way or another, if someone is going to cement ( ) a relationship in China. As with many things in China the 'custom' seems to depend on;

1. TIME - many of the guidebooks and textbooks are referring to customs generally followed in the past as though they are the norm in China today

2. PLACE - many Chinese people, when giving advice on dowry forget that it may have been the practice of their  hometown' but is not followed in many other areas. For more than one reason the custom seems to be followed more in rural than urban areas.

3. RELATIONSHIPS - what happens to some people may not happen to others. George faced a unique situation and handled it in his unique way  A Chinese couple I know had to delay their plans when negotiations over the dowry reached stalemate - the offer was RMB70,000 but the potential bride's family wanted RMB100,000. The situation was resolved by the couple contributing  30,000 of their own money in an under the table deal. They are both teachers living in a city.

What concerns me is that I often read about foreign men pulling out of marriage arrangements when the word 'dowry' is mentioned because they think they are being ripped off. It must leave some girls pretty distraught. At the same time, some foreign men are being ripped off if they unquestioningly follow what they have been told is the 'Chinese custom.'

Seems to me that more knowledge, on what is almost a taboo subject in China, would go a long way to prevent misunderstandings.

As for me.    I seem to be paying on a long-term installment plan that includes a try-before-you-buy facility.