Giving Birth

So Mrs AJR is 30 weeks gone now, and that day is looming ever closer!

We have been for the ultrasound and checkups and everything seems to be progressing smoothly 

The point of this thread is to hopefully hear about any experiences you guys have had when your lady (or you) have given birth in China. I am a little worried, since my Chinese is  . How can I communicate with the doctor if I need to? Will I need to? One big thing i am also worried about is pain relief for my lady. Do Chinese people generally use pain relief during labour? I'm not even sure.

Any answers to these questions or any more pearls of wisdom would be appreciated. I must admit that the dream-like state of happiness and excitement I had for a long time is now very much tempered by worry 

Well your experience may vary but here is what happened with our kids:

"How can I communicate with the doctor if I need to? Will I need to?"

You won't, you will most likely not even be in the same section of the building unless it's a private hospital. (Then it's an extra fee to be around the delivery room.) In the case of the public hospital, my wife was also alone during the process, except when the doc would make her rounds (several giving birth simultaneously) telling people to shut-up and push quieter. I am not sure about the private hospital, I don't remember what my wife said regarding that (I again wasn't in the area of a delivery room).

"Do Chinese people generally use pain relief during labour?"

Apparently not. "TSCM" (That Shit Costs Money, as I often answer the "why's" about China.) Despite being able to pay for it, during my wife's labor with our second child (she used it for the first), the doc told her no, it would only make her slower and not hurry up an push.


Bottom line: These people deliver babies by the thousands daily, nationwide. Your wife will probably be just fine.

Arnold, I think your wife will be just fine. The 1.7 billion Chinese people milling about on their e-bikes should testify to the success rate of the mid-wives. As for pain medicine, I believe it is only a matter of flashing enough pink bills with around. I do hope the delivery goes effortlessly and without a hitch 

When I have birth both times I was alone without my husband. I gave birth once in Kunming and once in Beijing, and both hospitals were adamant about not having anyone in the room with me (this is mostly because, whether or not you have a private room after the birth, during the birth your wife will be laboring with a lot of other women, who presumably wouldn't appreciate the presence of a strange male in the room).

As for communication, I barely even needed to communicate with the doctor, much less my husband. There's really not a whole lot to discuss. I imagine your wife's family will be there too to help handle the logistics? After the birth the hospital doesn't really provide anything except clothes and blanket for the baby and your wife (which you have to pay for). Your wife will be hungry so you'll need to provide something for her to eat, probably either chicken soup or a soup with egg and brown sugar. If her parents are going to be there, no doubt your MIL will be on top of this.

I went completely natural for my birth in Kunming, there was never even any discussion of painkillers and I knew this going into the process because I asked and they told me no dice. It was an option for my birth in Beijing and I took advantage of it and got an epidural. It did cost extra, but not a whole lot extra, I think the epidural was 700rmb and the cost of the whole birth was 4000 some odd rmb. This was in a very good hospital in Beijing, but it was still a local public hospital. Chinese doctors tend to be pretty anti painkillers, so do not be surprised at all if it is not offered/available for your wife. Have her practice doing some breathing exercizes and techniques for managing the pain. A lot of Chinese women get pressured into a c-section by their doctors because they're afraid of the pain and freak out because they haven't been taught any coping strategies.

She'll be fine though, like the others said, Chinese people are experts at birthing. Congrats on making to the final stretch!

I'm really glad that I didn't have to give birth in China. I guess that everyone is different and that we all have different levels of pain tolerance and different types of bodies etc. My son was only 7 pound 6 ounces when born, and I tell him that if he had given me any more problems, he would have had to stay where he was. I was the ONLY patient in a little country hospital, so had someone beside me at all times. My husband was also with me. Unfortunately, I wasn't one of the lucky ladies who seem to pop out the baby with no problems. I'm not trying to worry you Arnold and I hope that all goes well with the birth.

My wife was kind enough to arrange to have our daughter years before we met.  Because of this, I didn't have any need for painkillers.

Thanks for the supportive messages guys. Really made me feel better 

The bottom line then is that I will spend the time she is in labour pacing around a room and smoking with other nervous men.

LD, are women allowed into the rooms? I mean, would her mum be allowed in with her do you think?

No one is allowed into the birthing chamber, besides the other women laying on the metal slabs trying to extricate their children solo.

Yeah, in my experience no one was allowed in the actual birthing room.

At the hospital in Beijing where I had my daughter, other women were allowed in the room where women labored before going into the actual birthing room, but it seems to me (my recollection is a bit fuzzy) that they weren't allowed to stay there. I remember one mother coming in and bringing some food and stuff for her daughter, but then leaving. Surely she'd have stayed if she'd been allowed.

I think this is mainly logistics. They don't want the place to be a zoo, and Chinese mothers can get very pushy. I think the doctors just want to be able to do their jobs without a Chinese mother/mother in law breathing down their neck about "why isn't it happening faster?! Why isn't my daughter in the birthing room yet?! That lady came in here after us and she's already giving birth! I demand a new doctor!" You can imagine the scene I'm sure.

Yeah, in my experience no one was allowed in the actual birthing room.

At the hospital in Beijing where I had my daughter, other women were allowed in the room where women labored before going into the actual birthing room, but it seems to me (my recollection is a bit fuzzy) that they weren't allowed to stay there. I remember one mother coming in and bringing some food and stuff for her daughter, but then leaving. Surely she'd have stayed if she'd been allowed.

I think this is mainly logistics. They don't want the place to be a zoo, and Chinese mothers can get very pushy. I think the doctors just want to be able to do their jobs without a Chinese mother/mother in law breathing down their neck about "why isn't it happening faster?! Why isn't my daughter in the birthing room yet?! That lady came in here after us and she's already giving birth! I demand a new doctor!" You can imagine the scene I'm sure.

Yes I can definitely imagine the scene after spending time with my mother in law!

Thanks again, guys.

this thread is scaring the crap out of me!

Fozz (and AJR) I think you'll find when the time comes that your Chinese wives are pretty ok with the idea of not having a husband or a mom there, or with not having the option of pain relief. Those are things that as Westerners we expect as part of the whole experience (along with finding out the sex, baby showers, etc) that Chinese women have not been acculturated to expect. Your wives have friends who have had babies and moms and aunts who have had babies and they've all done it the same way. The way things are done here might be a big deal for you (and it was a bigger deal for me, as a Western woman giving birth with Western expectations), but your wives will be fine. Don't worry!

Pain control is a valid worry...Chinese doctors tend to severely under-dose it if they use it at all. Make menacing gestures while your wife explains to the doctor that if your wife isn't kept reasonably comfortable, you will rip the doctor's lungs out.

nup. don't think my wife will be ok with it! 

Pain control is a valid worry...Chinese doctors tend to severely under-dose it if they use it at all. Make menacing gestures while your wife explains to the doctor that if your wife isn't kept reasonably comfortable, you will rip the doctor's lungs out.

RD, not to be contrary, but plenty of women give birth without any sort of pain relief, some even by choice. If your wife goes into the birth without any expectations of having an epidural or somesuch, I'd not try and foist those expectations upon her, because you don't want to cause her more anxiety. In China it is still very rare for doctors to use pain relief during birth, and most believe it is somewhat harmful for the baby and the mother. If your doctor/hospital doesn't offer pain relief for childbirth you either find another hospital that will, or you start learning about alternate coping methods. Read up on Natural Childbirth. If you're going to be forced by circumstances into having one (an NCB), it would be best to be at a good place with it and positive about it, not going into it with the idea that you'll just demand painkillers Or Else!

Like I said, I gave birth to my oldest without any sort of painkillers. It can be done. It was actually something that I am very glad I experienced because I came out of it feeling really on top of the world, like if I could get through that, I could get through anything. I still got an epidural for my 2nd because I kind of wanted to experience both ways, but I'm glad that I had my son without any interventions. It was a very cool experience.