Dating students?

I did a search and turned up nothing specifically about this, though it must have come up. It's something that came up in a discussion over a dinner last night, and so I'm still churning the topic over in my mind. I'd like to share some of my conclusions, though they may not be popular.

• It's pretty much a taboo in the West, for what that's worth
• The FAO at my uni criticized a Chinese teacher for dating a student, for what THAT'S worth. Interestingly, said Chinese teacher told me that if I were to date a student it would be a BIG problem. In fact he was talking about why it was OK that another Chinese teacher was also dating a student. In my case, I'm a Lao Wai, and older, so it's worse. Such was his expressed opinion (though he's the one dating a student and not me)
• Despite students being in their late teens to early twenties, IMO they usually remind me of kids more than they do adults.
• Students, being in school are not on the same level as teachers in terms of knowledge and power in the world (they don't have real jobs, haven't even finished school). By this I mean, do they have any idea what they are really getting into, and with whom? I can't imagine that a student would really appreciate who I am, or fathom what being with me would really be like or what impact it would have on her life in the long run. [Note that I've been propositioned by students several times, though I think now the word is out of my policy of not dating students, so they've stopped.]
• Dating students could 'cause jealousy and resentment among other students.
• If the teacher doesn't actually up and marry the student, her reputation will probably be tarnished… The teacher moves on, but the student remains with the reputation in the same city…
• Students should be able to trust a teacher and know he isn't interested in them because of her gender…
• Teachers should look at students as students, and not as potential conquests.
• Student in question may expect a better grade with less work, and if it's given other students will be suspicious.
• Fishing is actually more fun and challenging than shooting fish in a barrel.
• Finally, if one isn't a complete loser, one could find a female companion outside the university and leave the students alone! C'mon.

Just thought I'd get my opinion out there. Sort of an "ethics" conclusion. That said, I know that things happen outside of one's intention or control, and a well-intentioned teacher, finding himself surrounded by adoring young ladies, might be a little weak (assuming he isn't preying on them with intent) and succumb to temptation. He might just legitimately fall in love. Who am I to judge in that case. Could happen to me but I hope not.

So, in short, I think it's a stupid thing to do, especially when, unless the uni is on a small Island or space station, one can find a suitable lady outside of the campus. Needless to say if the girl is in High School it's absolutely out of the question. Also note the same applies for female teachers and male students.

 It is a topic that has come up in various shapes and forms but I, too, am not sure if any thread is dedicated to it.

Ben-Dan has pretty well covered the reasons why dating a student is not a good idea. I guess any one of them should be enough to get it crossed off a check list of 'Things I Must Do In China.'

For all that it does happen - and it often works out to be a meaningful relationship no different to those outside the gates.

It is not just an issue for those of us in China. In the last month a university in New Zealand has published a ban on Staff-Student relationships that has triggered a debate.

The FAO at my uni criticized a Chinese teacher for dating a student, for what THAT'S worth.

The FAO's comment is just another example of the difference between theory and practice in China. Some years ago, when dealing with outfall from the relationship of a foreign teacher with a student, I asked a group of female Chinese teachers for advice.

It went something like ... 'Get real. Who do you think Chinese teachers marry? 8 out of 10 marry former students.'

I assume that those relationships did not start at a reunion dinner.
   

Guess it means they were boning while the girls were still their students.

Your guess is as good as mine!   

The teaching profession does have its hazards. On this topic I sometimes suggested that they should pay us 'danger money', the same as paid to those working with hazardous goods.

China has had to deal with the issue the same as any other country. There was the time at a Zhanjiang middle school (just after I left town) when a Chinese teacher had his head cut off and left on his desk - one of the girls in his class was pregnant and an uncle called in to discuss the matter.   

I think that in any country, it should be taboo to date ANY students at the place you work at. Obviously high schools would definately be a no-no, but I understand there are many young English teachers probably not much older than their students at university level. But because of resentment and other reasons BenDan mentions, it should be off-limits. I had a similar conversation in class last week with students when I presented the dilemma of broken relationships between boss/ worker in the same company. They couldn't believe that in the West now often companies which to be notified if there are any relationships within the company.

And yes, relationships or even sexual harrassment are so common in schools here, it's crazy! One of my old students, now in grade 3 at uni, has been chased and harrassed by her old high school teacher (married) whenever she goes home, to the point that she refuses to on the holidays. She has no idea what to do, it's a small town in Xinjiang! She contacted me for advice about it a few months ago, but I had no idea given the cultural differences here.

.....unless the student is really hot

You should never date someone you have power over.

Dating students, I believe is totally wrong, for many reasons.

A teacher has power over a student.  Even if you don't teach the student, you could teach the student at a later time.  Therefore, power to abuse exists.

You should never date someone you have power over.

Well then my g/f should be roundly chastized since she is far more powerful than I am.

You should never date someone you have power over.

Dating students, I believe is totally wrong, for many reasons.

A teacher has power over a student.  Even if you don't teach the student, you could teach the student at a later time.  Therefore, power to abuse exists.

I agree. Actually, when I wrote up the code of conduct for the teachers at the school I used to run, I included a part about not dating students because I really did not want to have to deal with the problems that student/teacher relationships can create. I think it is a bad idea on a lot of levels but what DS said above is really the biggest reason for me.

I agree with all above who said it's a bad idea.  Nice list Ben-Dan.

This past week one of my students stayed after class to ask me a question.  Her high school classmate is at another uni and has a new FT.  The new FT has been inviting students over to his apartment, in groups, to watch TV, practice English, cook, etc.  OK so far. Now the FT has given my student's friend a key to his apartment and has invited her to come over by herself. He can get her accepted to a uni in the USA, help her improve her English and goodness knows what else he's promised. The friend is uncomfortable and asked my student to ask me if this is done in Western countries. Both young ladies sense something is very wrong with this scenario. 

I applauded their sense of what's right and wrong and hope I made a strong enough point that my student's friend should run, run, run.

Meanwhile, to the unknown new FT 

  What gives foreigners the right to think common sense and decency goes out the window the moment they arrive in another country? Dare I say it, it's usually the MALE foreign teachers that are the most trouble! Sorry, but it's true. And you wonder why so many ads say 'female preferred'?

I don't know what it is with male obsession with intimacy...I'm sure most only come to China to find a wife!

*dodging various fruit being thrown*

No teacher, in any school/university should ever date a student, IMHO. It is just wrong. If I had a daughter who came home from her Freshmen year and let it slip that she had been dating her teacher, that man would find himself on the business end of a rather large Locahaber axe. There are millions of single, beautiful women to choose from, no teacher ever need trawl the classroom for dates...it is immoral, unethical and nasty. As has been said earlier in this thread, teachers should see students as students, no matter what the hotness factor is of said students.

Pfft.  Ask around.  It happens in middle school too.


It's one big Discovery channel, this country.

...it is immoral, unethical and nasty.

Isn't that what China is all about?  I've never witness more openly unethical, (by Western definitions), behaviour in my life.  And I worked in big-business for 30 years.  I have it on pretty good authority that Chinese professors sleep with their femail grad students quite routinely.  When in Rome...

The behaviour of a group does not mean one should automatically join that group. Yes, I too have heard about professors here sleeping with students. No, that is not what China is all about. I have also heard of and encountered local and laowai teachers who seemed more preoccupied with emulating the behaviour of some 18th Century debauched libertine, shilly-shallying their work and being, in every way, unprofessional instead of acting like dedicated educators. I disagree with the trite cliche of "when in Rome"...Teachers who date students should not be teachers, whether they are teachers in China, the West, on Mars, anywhere, that is my unwavering opinion.

Agreed ETR. I think "when in Rome" is a pretty flimsy excuse, and if we wanted to do things that way well then why don't we accept bribes to change students' grades while we're at it? Or use corporal punishment and humiliation in the classroom? Or encourage our students to cheat on their exams? Chinese schools are definitely not bastions of ethical behavior, but none of us have to stoop to their levels either.