Raoul's China Saloon (V5.0) Beta
The Bar Room => The BS-Wrestling Pit => Topic started by: zero on June 13, 2010, 09:24:36 AM
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http://bodyodd.msnbc.msn.com/
I love it. I'm American, but my ancestors came from Scotland. Any Scotsmen/women on here who can answer the question, why are you living like rock stars?
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Och, laddie, I thin' they're bein' a mite roof, noo.
There are perfectly straightforward reasons for all of this.
The diet is dictated partly by geography (which can only support oats, kale, and sheep), and by the echoing influences of Calvinism (which produces a subconscious desire to avoid material pleasures in order to expiate one's sins). Add in the fact that all Scottish cuisine is based entirely on a dare ("Ye'll nae ea' THA', Angus MacDrydock, ya wee girlie-mon!") and the food starts to make sense.
Drinking? Well, bear in mind that Scotland is simply crawling with venomous reptiles, and so it's vitally important to remain extremely relaxed at all times. And you'll need a bit o' warmth now and again...th' wither is nae sa gude.
Exercise? Out of the question. Th' wither is nae sa gude. And, of course, there are all those snakes to worry over. In fact, keeping the reptiles at bay is why most Scottish sports involve heaving objects that are either large and heavy (cabers) or completely disgusting (haggis). While curling does prove to be helpful in keeping the deadly ice-loving White Mamba away, it actually began as- and still is- a huge national inside joke. Long ago a group of Scots, well into their cups, devised the silliest game they could possibly dream up. Their purpose was twofold: to hornswoggle the Canadians into taking it seriously, and ultimately to try and get it named an Olympic sport. And it must be conceded- their devious plans have proven spectacularly successful. aoaoaoaoao
Smoking? Well, of course everyone knows that smoking is really cool...and no one is cooler than the Scots. bvbvbvbvbv ababababab bvbvbvbvbv
So, put together, it all makes sense.
The years may be few...but they'll be damn fine. bvbvbvbvbv bvbvbvbvbv bvbvbvbvbv bvbvbvbvbv bvbvbvbvbv bvbvbvbvbv
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Hey zero, what's the difference between a Scotsman and the Rolling Stones?
The Stones sing, "Hey, you, get off of my cloud"
and a Scotsman sings, "Hey, McCloud, get off of my ewe" llllllllll
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scotland has always had a big drinking culture but in recent history the british government pretty much abandoned most of the working class in scotland
tthe whole hard drinking/deep fried mars bars thing is funny in a way, but there is a serious side as well, some of the poor areas in glasgow have life expectancies like 56!
traditionally scottish culture is hard working and hard drinking, but with no jobs they replaced the hard working with more drinking. the poverty in some parts of scotland is shocking, since british industry went to crap in the 80s parts of england and scotland you just grow up assuming you won't get a job. some of the people who left school with no expectations of being able to work or be part of society are now grandparents with kids who grew up the same and if nothing changes grandkids who will think the same....
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On my visits to Scotland I have found the Scots a wonderful, friendly and not as miserable-as-fuck bunch that the rest of us (or is that only the English) are led to believe. Their lifestyle is pretty unhealthy though, not just related to politics kitano. Some things are just culturally indemic and with their scenery they could easily hike a day or two, in a kilt for the novelty factor, and burn off some calories.
Sean Connery has "Scotland Forever" tattooed on his arm. That is cool.
Thing is, he left and has been living in the south of Spain for about 20 years!
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...something more I want to add:
if you do venture into Scotland try to get to the small (tiny) islands in the far north. They are isolated and riddled with ancient village ruins and stone circles. Literally, two fields from the next is yet another, easily accessible, ancient dwelling and so on.
One of my life's missions is to get up there. I also recommend the Isle of Skye!
http://www.mr-photography.com/galleries/skye05/index.htm
You can take a Harry Potter style train from Fort William to the coast for the boat crossing.
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if you do venture into Scotland try to get to the small (tiny) islands in the far north. They are isolated and riddled with ancient village ruins and stone circles. Literally, two fields from the next is yet another, easily accessible, ancient dwelling and so on.
Yeah, I'd like to do that. My family name is Harris, so I think I had ancestors up that way. Probably shepherds, fishermen or pirates. I want a nice Harris tweed jacket.
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What's not? bjbjbjbjbj
There is an area of Glasgow (Calton) where the average life expectancy of a local is only 55, I found this article which is a couple of years old:
http://news.bbc.co.uk/1/hi/scotland/glasgow_and_west/7584450.stm
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Yeah, I'd like to do that. My family name is Harris, so I think I had ancestors up that way. Probably shepherds, fishermen or pirates. I want a nice Harris tweed jacket.
I could hear it now, in a very heavy Scottish brogue;
"Gi' me ya fish aund yur sheeeeeeep, ya nasty scurvy heathen, aaaargg"
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Don't forget that much of Scotland was settled by viking raiders during the eighth, ninth and tenth centuries.
firrrrrrst, ye steal thair houses,then ye burn thair wimmin, then ye rape thair sheep.Then we go for a pint and go home.
Na, tha's not it. firrrrst, ye steal thair wimmin, then ye burn thair sheep, then ye rape thair houses. Then we go for a pint and go home.
Na, tha's not it neither. Ye canna burn a wet sheep.
Is so.
Is na.
Is so.
Is na.
F that, then. Let's just go for a pint then. We can pick up a couple sheep on the way home.
Just don't take the two ewes ye set afire yestidy.
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This oldie but goodie needs to be added in this thread:
http://www.weemickleoengalish.com/ (http://www.weemickleoengalish.com/)
H/T to RD
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Going to Edinburgh on Tuesday. bfbfbfbfbf
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latefordinner, that was so fricken funny, I could actually picture the exchange
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Apologies to all for not having been on the site for some time. I am no longer in China but still visit the Saloon from time to time and would like to say a big "hullo therr" to you all. Being a Glaswegian Scot I had a chuckle and a groan at some of the comments on this thread, all perfectly valid and funny.
Just a wee aside.........I now live just outside a Scottish town named Larkhall, I say "just outside" as I am ashamed at the reputation this town has historically with sectarianism, which is an ongoing struggle to lose. bibibibibi
When a local Subway opened it had to ditch it's green and gold exterior (green = Catholic, Celtic football team etc. The green traffic go light has wire mesh over it as people throw stones at it.
I have nothing much to add to what Kitano and others have written. Scotland is a beautiful country, the people are friendly, the weather is mostly crap and depressing and if any of you 'loonies manage to visit here please drop me an email as I would love to extend some guid auld Glaswegian Scottish hospitality to you. agagagagag Cheerio the noo and lang may yer lum reek! :alcoholic: :alcoholic: :alcoholic:
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I would love to extend some guid auld Glaswegian Scottish hospitality to you. agagagagag Cheerio the noo and lang may yer lum reek!
Did she just put a spell on us?
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Interesting link there, old34
OK then mae - I'm sure this'll tickle ya. When I went to Glasgow some years back -to walk the magnificent West Highland Way (7 days hiking and far too many midges!)- I had to get to Milngavie.
Now, it is not pronounced as it seems - much to the amusement of local taxi drivers.
Can anyone guess, in a written form, how this village might actually be pronounced????
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I'll try, if I'm right I have no odea, I've never heard of the place before
Min - haiv
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"Detroit"
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I know, but I am Scottish!
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Milngavie
More place name fun:
http://www.rampantscotland.com/features/pronounce.htm
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ahahahahah ahahahahah.................It reminds me of my time in a middle school last year and getting the kids to say "loch". Some of them were very good with the pronunciation, better than some English friends. I was telling them about the Loch Ness monster with the help of a souvenir soft toy I'd picked up in Edinburgh. Nessie would often choose a pupil to answer any questions I had given them.
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I would love to extend some guid auld Glaswegian Scottish hospitality to you. agagagagag Cheerio the noo and lang may yer lum reek!
Did she just put a spell on us?
You can test that several ways:
1. Wrap a plaid tablecloth around your waist and see if you think it makes you look manly.
2. Browse the web for images of sheep. Do they make you feel aroused?
3. Mix some rotted meat with oats and decide if you really would eat it on a dare.
bvbvbvbvbv axaxaxaxax bvbvbvbvbv
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You can test that several ways:
1. Wrap a plaid tablecloth around your waist and see if you think it makes you look manly.
2. Browse the web for images of sheep. Do they make you feel aroused?
3. Mix some rotted meat with oats and decide if you really would eat it on a dare.
Oh NO! I've been Scottish all these years and I didn't even know it
bibibibibi
All this time I thought I was a lesbian too
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My mother's come to Scotland to visit. She's been here since Wednesday morning and it's only just stopped raining now.
WHAT'S UP WITH SCOTLAND?!?!?!
Blue skies at the moment, fingers crossed they'll last a few days.
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Anyone see anything of 'The Scheme'? Docu-soap thing set in Kilmarnock.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=GSQvIvfeQ3A
Real car-crash tv. 'Poverty porn' is the best review I've seen.
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I followed the link to "the Scheme" and spent the morning watching as much of Episodes 1 and 2 as were online at Youtube.
Despite the language barrier, I couldn't stop watching.
Yeah, I'm a damn yank, and I had a really difficult time understanding the language, although it was English. Some of the "characters" (they're actually real people) I could understand about 10% of what they were saying. Seriously! The ex-heroin addict's recently-released-from-prison girlfriend-I understood about 1 word every other sentence she spoke. Part of it may have been because she was often on methadone when she was speaking, but still....
It occurred to me about 10 minutes in to the ninety or so minutes I watched, that here was I, a native speaker of one kind of English struggling very hard to even understand 50% of the dialogue other than key words. The narrator (Brit English) helped with the story lines (of which there are many), but the documentary dialogue, at best, I grasped at a 50% level. So the rest of the time I spent watching it, mesmerized, I was contemplating that THIS is how Chinese English learners see English movies without sub-titles. Pick up key words, follow the action and the visual cues onscreen.
I'm embarrassed to say, and I apologize to all Scots, that I wasn't able to catch more than 50% of what was said in "The Scheme." Laugh at me if you will. I've had a few Scottish friends here in China over the years and language was never a problem, but in this scheme, I'd have been lost.
On the other hand, AS A TEACHING TOOL, my language difficulties with the language in "The Scheme" mirrors (I think) similar language difficulties that our own students have in watching English movies. If you want to know what it feels like for even fluent Chinese students to watch English movies without sub-titles, and you're not Scottish, watch "The Scheme" with that in mind.
Ilunga, thanks for the link.
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"He kneed me in the stomach, but I don't think he meant it. He was on valium when he hit me and kneed me in the stomach. I'm pregnant, and after that I couldn't walk. When he gets out, he will need to change, it's me or the blues."
bibibibibi
Poverty porn indeed.
As I said above, I am Scottish, but after a few years away even I find it hard to tune in to the really heavy accents and use of dialect (I'd probably get battered for the way I speak now if I was back home).
For a small country the UK has really thick and obvious regional accents, although the wealthier people get the more 'standard' their speech tends to become.
It's pretty much like learning standard Beijing putonghua and then being chucked into rural Sichuan or something. People will understand you for the most part (and think you are a tosser) but you wont be able to understand them, unless they want you to.
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"He kneed me in the stomach, but I don't think he meant it. He was on valium when he hit me and kneed me in the stomach. I'm pregnant, and after that I couldn't walk. When he gets out, he will need to change, it's me or the blues."
MK, Thanks for the literal translation of Danya's words. I watched it 3 times and all I understood were; "in the stomach", "pregnant", and "when he gets out."
The narrator mentioned something about a punch up on a bus, and that Danya's guy was in jail for the weekend.
Go back up to me my previous post as to why I find this series a useful tool for a native English teacher putting themself in the place of their L2 students watching original "English" movies.
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Go back up to my previous post as to why I find this series a useful tool for a native English teacher putting themself in the place of their L2 students watching original "English" movies.
I got ya.
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the scheme documentary isnt particular to scotland but in every uk city there are areas just like these. What i find quite sad is that there seems to be no real way out for these families, and it will take a few generations of proper education that will give these kids any hope of a decent future. cant see how to use this documentary in an english class, even some scottish folks would struggle to understand it all, i lived just down the road from kilmarnock for 20 years so the ear is accustomed.
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If you're looking for TV stories about the British working class, try this:
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Boys_from_the_Blackstuff
Utterly brilliant. It's 20-odd years since I've seen it and I still remember it.
One odd thing about accents. I'm a Canadian without a particularly good ear. As a general rule, Scots & Irish accents are easier for me than North of England. Educated people from any of those places, I understand just fine. However, some others are almost incomprehensible.
For example, I have no real difficulty with Billy Conelley's pronunciation, though there's the odd expression that throws me. Fred Dibnah, the Yorkshire steeplejack, is more difficult and Jasper Carrot, the Birmingham comedian, is really difficult.
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'Sweet Sixteen' is a pretty decent movie about scotland and the accents are toned down a bit....
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(http://i11.photobucket.com/albums/a197/Bissessar/Miscellaneous/TheScottishMammoth.gif)
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