Raoul's China Saloon (V5.0) Beta
The Bar Room => The Love, Marriage and Family Board (ON-TOPIC) => Topic started by: kitano on May 07, 2012, 03:02:48 AM
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My girlfriend's mum is in Hangzhou for some business (allegedly...) but she came round the house, said I looked fatter, then cooked dinner and then cleaned the flat and the plates, even had a mini wrestling match with her because I really didn't want to let her clean the plates
Bit weird? Strangely I wasn't even that surprised from what I know about her and Chinese in laws in general.
Just checking...
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I don't find that even a little bit strange.
Why do you think so? mmmmmmmmmm
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no. exactly. by. the. book. even down to the 'you look fatter' bit.
exactly. by. the. book.
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She's never been here before
Woke up this morning at 7 and she's let herself in and brought us breakfast, freaked me out a bit, totally fucked up my day
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welcome to Chinese family love. it's in your face all the time and will make you breakfast and will tell you that you look fat.
time for you to get married matey. ahahahahah
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She's gone out now, breakfast was nice but I was terrified she was going to clean the house again when my girlfriend went to work with me sat shamefaced at the computer...
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let us know how the situation unfolds ahahahahah ahahahahah
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welcome to Chinese family love. it's in your face all the time and will make you breakfast and will tell you that you look fat.
time for you to get married matey. ahahahahah
Yup. Sounds like they are priming the OP for marriage. He better set hard and fast boundaries now or he won't have another chance. I love my in laws dearly but had to set rules. I do not want them here cooking food or cleaning or doing anything else that should be the work of my wife. afafafafaf My wife and I live in the same building as them, we are on the third floor and they are on the first. If no rules were set I can promise you that there would always be an in law or ayi in my house when I come home from work just shooting the shit or doing some random act of Chinese kindness that makes me uncomfortable. Privacy is not a clearly understood concept in China.
Perhaps I went too far though. If my wife or I am sick, her family and friends will try and help us. They'll buy medicine or cook food for us (unasked for but very appreciated) and bring it to our house. They are usually afraid to come in for more than a moment even if I do ask them. I might seem ungrateful but I am not. We help each other quite often but our house is semi off-limits. They respect our privacy and we respect theirs. I do trust them completely and they do have a key to our house but they have never once used it.
A married Chinese couple I know also lives in the same building as their in laws. The mother in law is frequently at their home and entirely disruptive. Constantly criticizing the daughter in law and even her guests. She'll throw out food our friend has just cooked and tell her it is not good enough for her son. She goes through their drawers and mail. She has her own key and comes and goes as she pleases without so much as a knock on the door. She has brought her daughter in law to tears on many occasions. They have zero privacy.
Makes me question the manhood of her husband. At 30+ years of age it is probably time to ween yourself off momma's tits and find your balls.
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Well we live in different cities and only get to see each other every couple of months or so so I'm not going to make any fuss cos she's only here for a couple of days, I wouldn't want to live in the same town as them for that reason.
Already clocked her trying to adopt me lol, I've got a wardrobe full of clothes she bought for me, some of them are quite nice and I actually complained to my girlfriend that I didn't have any nice short sleeved shirts, she pointed out that I could just go and buy some :D
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Well we live in different cities and only get to see each other every couple of months or so so ....
....for now uuuuuuuuuu
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Ah, do I hear you. My in-laws stayed with us in our tiny apartment in Beijing for 10 days over Spring Festival. His parents have such rigid gender roles and I've made it very clear with my husband that I want our roles to be more balanced- I don't mind cooking, but he better wash the dishes.
Especially at the beginning of their stay, they just about drove me insane. The bedding I'd just washed for them 2 days earlier was too stinky, they were up at 5AM wiping down our floors by hand and making us breakfast. This made me feel terrible. They were in my house, as guests (in my eyes anyway), and everything was too dirty, food too terrible, ect. Everything they did seemed to be a criticism of how we lived. My husband took the stance that they were just trying to help and show their love and I was reading too much into everything. His mother snapped at me because I suggested we have Peking duck one night because that was too fancy and wasteful. Argh.
Thankfully uuuuuuuuuu they both speak in dialects with my husband and tend to funnel their requests through him. He's good about standing up for me and shielding me from a lot of their criticism- honestly, if the communication gates were wide open we'd probably argue a lot more. I hear so many stories of my co-workers who live with their in-laws and how they basically aren't able to make any of their own choices regarding running the household or raising their children.
They are nice people, and I know they really love their son, but- Cheers to not living in the same town! agagagagag
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His mother snapped at me because I suggested we have Peking duck one night because that was too fancy and wasteful. Argh.
My in laws would do the same thing. I stopped making suggestions. If I want something specific to eat, I go buy enough for everyone and bring it to their house. Oddly enough, they are perfectly comfortable spending buckets of money on decent meat for me to eat. As a family, they rarely ate much meat before I entered the picture, mostly fish/seafood and veggies. Now they spend far too much on meat since they know I prefer a meat heavy diet. Never thought I'd grow tired of ribs......
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My in-laws showed up a little before the wedding and stayed quite a bit afterwards (another reason for delaying the honeymoon). kkkkkkkkkk
They were very nice and helpful, but I really DON'T want my f***ing house rearranged by temporary houseguests, whether they are close relatives or not. llllllllll llllllllll llllllllll
At least they aren't rigid on gender roles. Both cook well and I like Jiangxi style cooking.
Oh the minus side, conversations are 100% in hometown-hua, so my very limited putunghua skills are completely useless for figuring out what new "improvements" for my house they might be discussing.
So, Kitano, when's the wedding? ahahahahah
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We're kind of engaged, neither of us want to have a wedding though because it's a waste of money and will involve all the family/lian bullshit that goes with it....
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I have been to several Chinese weddings and it's an ordeal for me being a guest, let alone being at the centre of the thing plus all the planning......it's the thought of dressing up like prince-bloody-charming for those horribly twee and staged pre-wedding photos that really gives me the heebie-jeebies though...
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I have been to several Chinese weddings and it's an ordeal for me being a guest, let alone being at the centre of the thing plus all the planning......it's the thought of dressing up like prince-bloody-charming for those horribly twee and staged pre-wedding photos that really gives me the heebie-jeebies though...
just say NO!
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Wimps! pppppppppp
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see, EL, I think you pretty much pulled it off in your wedding photos. dunno why. beard and devel-may-care attitude maybe.
I (and most men), however, would look like a complete and utter tit.
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The women don't have it much better! Aside from the white wedding dress and the tang zhuang, most of the other outfits for us look like something that might have been worn to the Newark High School prom, circa 1985.
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The women don't have it much better! Aside from the white wedding dress and the tang zhuang, most of the other outfits for us look like something that might have been worn to the Newark High School prom, circa 1985.
Yeah, I had to veto a few of those. kkkkkkkkkk
I'm still sad I couldn't talk my darling into the matching PLA uniforms. ananananan
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Sounds pretty much text book to me. We bought a new bed and when my wife was tellin mama she asked if it would hold me. ahahahahah ahahahahah ahahahahah
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MinL has been staying with us for several weeks now, and we're almost used to one another now. It's been tough, but we have one small room that I use as a study, and she's learned not to come in and mess with my mess.
We have a futon in our bedroom. Last year we got a new mattress and cover made for it, so that guests can stay overnight and sleep in our living room. MinL complains that its too soft, so while I'm at work, she and my wife switch it for our bed, which is much firmer. After one night on the futon, my wife agrees its too soft for her too, so she decides to sleep on our daughter's twin bed, and our daughter can share the big bed with grandma. I'm OK with either. After one night, no I'm not. I don't mind my daughter's very firm matress, but I do mind the fact that her bed is a twin and too bloody small for two adults, especially one who rolls side to side as he sleeps. So I decide to sleep on the futon (where she stacks the blankets, as if it were the kang at her mother's home) and she can have the kid's bed. Not good enough for her. Next time I come home from work, the daughter's small bed is in teh living room and both the futon/kang and the large bed are in our bedroom. It seems to be working, as it's been at least 3 days since anyone suggested that I move out and get my own apartment.
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What is their obsession with keeping you warm?
My MiL and FiL constantly look at me and ask me if I'm cold and even if I say no, one of them will bring some kind of shirt or jacket to put around me. Also, even if I say no they will ask every 10 minutes, between offerings of bananas, nuts and all sorts of food llllllllll
They are lovely, really, but these little things do drive me just a little bit mad. I guess it's just that in the west have the mindset that you should fly the nest and cut the umbilical cord ASAP. It's totally the opposite here.
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They are just showing you that they care about you. Try and take it as a big compliment. They are basically doing the best thing they can do for you. They are treating you as family.
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They are just showing you that they care about you. Try and take it as a big compliment. They are basically doing the best thing they can do for you. They are treating you as family.
Yeah I get that. I still think they are awesome. I'm just happy they are modern-minded enough to entrust their lovely daughter to a western brute like me ahahahahah
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What is their obsession with keeping you warm?
My MiL and FiL constantly look at me and ask me if I'm cold and even if I say no, one of them will bring some kind of shirt or jacket to put around me. Also, even if I say no they will ask every 10 minutes, between offerings of bananas, nuts and all sorts of food llllllllll
They are lovely, really, but these little things do drive me just a little bit mad. I guess it's just that in the west have the mindset that you should fly the nest and cut the umbilical cord ASAP. It's totally the opposite here.
It seems their metabolisms run a little colder than in the West so they feel cold easier than we do and can't accept that only one layer is fine in April.
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This temperature thing is also one of those China contradictions though.
Ever visited a Chinese home in the countryside over Spring Festival?
I have - Zhejiang, mountains, Jan/Feb, temperatures just over zero and damp with it....No heating whatsoever and doors left wide open for visitors...coldest 3 days of my life I tell ya...it was painfully cold, and I am Scottish, heavy, hairy and shun heat as a general rule!
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I have - Zhejiang, mountains, Jan/Feb, temperatures just over zero and damp with it....No heating whatsoever and doors left wide open for visitors...coldest 3 days of my life I tell ya...it was painfully cold, and I am Scottish, heavy, hairy and shun heat as a general rule!
ahahahahah ahahahahah
this is where baijiu comes in